Haydn's mommy, I think ButterflyMom has a point, but I can also see how it happens... I have been in that sort of situation myself. I'm not sure what the answer is.
I'm a little confused, b/c I just read some stuff online(this woman who's written an e-book on the topic of relats) about how to approach relationships with men and it had this check list of stuff 'never to do', b/c it means you are 'chasing a guy'...and it was ALL stuff I've been doing, which if I didn't do, I think I'd just be exactly in the passenger seat, as you say Butterflymom... i.e. 'Asking the man about his feelings about the relationship/ ie where you are 'at' together', 'calling him before he calls you', etc.
It also strongly suggests continuing to see other men (openly, not secretly) until you have a firm commitment from the man - a bit like in the olden days when women 'were courted' and then chose the best suitor, sort of thing. Sigh. The idea being that when you continue to date others, you give of a different 'vibe', ie not a needy desperate vibe, that the man you're really interested in can sense. As soon as he knows he has your exclusivity, he loses interest...it's so old fashioned! I can see the woman's point, but I always think, would I want HIM to keep dating other women? Absolutely not, so how could I do it then? Hhmm. She said something about not committing to the man till HE'S committed to YOU. I think that's maybe where I've gone a bit wrong. I mean, LCG was seriously pursuing me, I wasn't interested, then he 'got' me, and now he's a bit hot and cold, ever since I started developing feelings for him. It's not as if I said I was in love with him, and I'm not, but he does know how much I like him. I really just feel more and more clueless about this dating thing, and long for the simple days when I could just get together with someone, get on track with them and know where I stand in weeks! I know, I know, those days are gone!
I'd love to know what you ladies think of these ideas, and how you approach it...