February Dating Thread - let Cupid take aim & surprise us with new Valentines! - Page 6
thanks for the tips. I think right now the plan is dinner, is that a bad idea? I'm really only free for evening type stuff and dinner is kind of a typical first date type thing so I think it was kind of assumed that's what we would do. Also i'm fairly new to the area and don't ever go anywhere except the grocery store and library with my kids so I dont have any familiar hang out, meetup type spots that i'd be very familiar with :/ Is this just a bad idea altogether? I'm really not sure now, internet meeting stuff s all very new to me it just seemed like the only way i'd ever meet anyone around here b/c I just dont know anyone around here!
I've met a couple of guys off the internet...each one was perfectly nice and totally respectful. I met them, respectively, at some restaurant/coffeehouse. Never for a meal, just a meet-up. I don't take all the other precautions mentioned before, but each one of those ideas makes sense to me on some level or another. I don't set up a friend to have a safe word for calling the police, because that would indicate a belief that 911 could somehow factor into a bad public date, which I don't see how it could...
Any which way, to get into a car with someone not I nor of my friends know........I don't know..........Yeah I do....It's not cool. Not because they're likely to be an overt psycho and want to do active, immediate harm. However, to indicate that you're willing to get in a car with someone that you don't know at all kind of reveals a seriously trusting nature on your part.
If that's your overall MO for getting through life and you've mastered trust that is that transcendent, then I guess get in the car with him. But if you wouldn't pick up hitchhikers...or stop to help a sex worker walking a little too 'off' in your neighborhood...or invite religious knockers into the living room... or ask for references from someone you were interviewing to watch your kids ... then I would say stick with that theme and don't get in some dude's car either.
Interested to hear what additional folks think.
hmm interesting. I'm in no way a naive person to the way the world is but I guess I just didn't think of everything! He actually does know some people that I know of from my home town oddly enough, well not too odd, NH is a small state! So that makes me feel a bit better but I still plan to be careful.
I've been on tons of first internet dates where we got dinner. It's fine. If things don't go well, you can just leave right afterward. If things are going well, you might want to have a place to sit and talk or walk or something.
Good luck! I hope it goes great, but be prepared for him to not be what you are expecting.
Butterflymom, I smiled at what you said about it being almost as good for you and Cucumber, joking about your 'high maintenance' and his ways in relation to that, as if he was really super romantic. I think that's actually a great way to approach it. Enjoying what you have, for now...I could do with a bit more honesty about my own high maintenance, but I'm so afraid to show it, I admire your honesty Butterflymom - but I guess yu've been with Cucumber a while now.
I've been reading a great book called Íf the Buddha dated', which I'd recommend to anyone who's dating and is open to spiritual interpretations of things - it's not religion specific, the Buddha is just an example of how to be non-attached to the outcome in relationships and not creating 'stories'in our heads about how things should be...just letting them unfold and tlistening to our feelings and intuitions about what we need.
These are really hard questions. And you know what? The x-mas and NYE things I would just cross out. If you'd only been seeing each other for 2 weeks before x-mas, thats 3 weeks before NYE - and wanting to hang out with you constantly, and be with your son for big holidays would be a red flag in and of itself. If you'd been together a year by then and he blew you off - I'd be pissed. But not after less than a month.
And then theres the question of the canceling a date for a business thing. Could the business meeting have been postponed for another day? (I have no idea, maybe they were in from 3,000 miles away and flying out in 3 hours. who knows) Do you want to be with someone who places more worth on money that personal relationships? (That was WAY to harsh - but I can't think of a better way to word it) I really think YOUR ideal person, the elusive "one" would have gone with you instead of the business deal.
These are hard things to think about, and I think it would be a good idea to really reflect on what you want. Your bottom lines are great, and VERY important to have. Now you need to raise the floor a bit so that you're getting what you need, and what you deserve. And maybe LCG is good for you, maybe things are just taking a while longer to develop b/c its long distance. And thats OK.
However, if these things were still happening on a regular basis after a year or more of serious dating, I would be skeptical (thats not to say that things never ever come up - they do - just not every single time yk?)
ETA - I just wanted to say that the bolded is all up for interpretation. Those explanations might be reasonable for one person, but not for another. That is what you get to decide for yourself. Hard things to think about, but definitely worth exploring.
Anyway, I hope I made sense!!
Thanks so much, Super SIngle Mama, that really helps! I think I agree with you on the special occasions stuff, at the time I actually respected his boundaries and the fact that he wasn't the kind of person who says 'Yes, that's ok' and not mean it...he did what was right for him at that time. It was just my friend's doubts that made me think about it... and as for the business appt, well I think it was only that one day that was available, it was worth 9 thousand dollars and future business would come out of it, and his business has been struggling lately so any 'look up' is really important for him to develop...yet on an instinctive level I feel what you're saying too, that 'the one' would put me first. It was more the fact that he didn't realy apologise for it, he just said, 'You understand why I had to do that, right? which left me no room to express how I felt without sounding petty and needy. I guess I need to see if he'll put me first in a year's time, and my fear is that by then I will be so into him it will be harder to leave. I guess the hardest thing is just not being able to deal with issues properly as they arise, because of the long gaps between seeing each other and the fact that even phone conversations can be hard to come by with our schedules. Patience is not my strong suit!