Originally Posted by mimim
Martha - I agree with Zeta. It seems like you want to meet this guy. Don't worry about arbitrary periods of time if you feel ready.
Devaya - It sounds like your relationship is in a transition. It's long distance? That would make those transitions much different from a local relationship.
The private group is on FB, but in a lot of ways that feels more public than this even. I'm still on this thread, although it is tempting to join a group where not everyone in the world could read my posts.
I've kinda been seeing this guy and he's cool, but I'm not really into him. He's reading my signals wrong and giving me a lot of compliments that don't fit with who I am. I feel like he's rushing me, although I very clearly told him that I need a lot of space. I last saw him on Thursday, and he wanted me to go out with him again last night. Then, he texted me to see if I was free this morning and I could have invited him along to the pro-union rally that I went to a little while ago, but I didn't. I will probably give this guy one more warning to chill and see what happens after that, because there are a lot of things that I like about him. I wonder if he is being inconsiderate by asking to see me so often or if he is just excited about something developing. Is he trying to secure me before I meet someone else? Am I just paranoid? I just got out of a thing in which jealousy and possesiveness played a big role, so I'm afraid I am being overcautious now.
Mimim, yes it is a long distance relationship, and weirdly enough your comment about the long distance factor made me suddenly think, maybe I HAVE been judging this guy on a basis that isn't fair, considering that things are going to progress and transition more slowly in a long distance relationship than a local one... I'd love to know if anyone else has experience with LDR's and has any insight to how they might progress differently? I'm in an unknown land here!
ON the other hand I was left with a sick feeling after talking to one of my best friends yesterday, who seemed worried about me. She said I need to just be sure that I'm getting what I deserve and not accepting less, and should really use our 4 weeks apart while we're both abroad (which is now), to think about if this is realy what I want. THis is always really hard for me to recognise, because I'm now clear on the óbvious'bottom lines - as in, no addiction, lying, unfaithfulness, possessiveness, over negativity or abusiveness - but anything else, it's unclear to me what to accept and what not to. For e.g. my friend was saying that her doubts were aroused by the fact that LCG seems to say he's going to do things and then not, and the fact that he had me round his place for both Christmas and N ew Years yet didn't actually spend those occasions with me. He went to a family dinner on Christmas Day afternoon (we'd only got together 2 weeks before so I thought it reasonable at the time) leaving me at his house, and at New Years I wasn't childfree and he said he wasnt ready to spend New Years eve with me AND my son so again, though I stayed at his house a couple days, we did separate New Year eve things (I went to a child friendly thing).
The things he's said he'll do but not done all have completely reasonable explanations, like he didn't make it to the Valentine's Day lunch he'd proposed because he missed his train by one minute (and we live far apart so that left not enough time before school pick up), and he didn't actually get my birthday present sorted out for my birthday but did get me chocolates, flowers and a card. He also cancelled (a week before the time, so not short notice) a date with me because a work appointment came up and it was worth a great deal of money (which hurt at the time even though logically I knew he'd be a fool to turn down that amount of money). I don't think these things are big deals, but I wondered what other ladies' opinions are : am I being a walkover? I don't want him to think I'm just áround'and there for him no matter what. I know only I can decide in the end but having a background of abusive/controling/addict relationships I realy struggle to see this stuff objectively and to value myself enough to say, No, I deserve more. I tend towards perfectionism so I don't want to give this guy a hard time, he's just human after all.