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Will I change my mind about not wanting more children?

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

Hello everyone!!  My DS is 8 weeks now and I seem to be in a strange place.  I've wanted children ever since... well probably since puberty.  It was so overwhelming like it was the only goal in life worth achieving.  The day I married my DH we started trying.  A deployment and 4 months later I was pregnant with DS and it was incredible.  Sometimes I was miserable but I always loved being pregnant.  Looking back I even enjoyed labor and giving birth because it made me feel so on top of the world and powerful.  Before he was born however I always said I wanted 2 or 3, maybe 4 if I had been granted "easy" children.  Now that he's here I'm not too sure and I've been contemplating keeping him an only child.  I'm so satisfied with it just being the 3 of us that I don't know if I'd ever want to risk messing it up.

Does this change?  Will I get back that craving for more children when he gets older?

post #2 of 29

in my experince, yes! when DS1 was about a year old i started getting back the desire for more.. we waited until he was 17 mo to try again and i got preg quickly with ds2. i thought i'd be done after 2 but now i'm thinking 3 or 4 ;) 

post #3 of 29

I think it's really common (and probably a good thing, as far as child spacing goes!) for you to feel like you do now. I know I certainly did! My daughter's almost 10 months old and I'm slowly beginning to feel baby fever again. My friends who have more than one child all say that it happened for them sometime between 10 month and 24 months, the baby fever just spiked and they knew it was time to try for the next one.

post #4 of 29

maybe, maybe not.

 

i had a tough time after dd1, i was determined never to have another but eventually changed my mind and have 2 now, and want another some day too.

 

tbh 8 weeks isn't long enough to be able to gauge what parenting is like, it took me almost 2 years to feel like i'd gotten what it was all about.  

 

so wait and see, you never know :)

post #5 of 29

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal! My experience was that I wanted DD#1, she was born and I was so sleep deprived and overwhelmed I couldn't even fathom another anytime soon. I would panic if my husband wanted to be intimate and there was a chance I could get pregnant. I just couldn't handle it. Once my period came back at 17 months I felt like trying again. Long story short, I got pregnant twice and miscarried twice. Our third attempt resulted in DD#2. I was excited, but I also mourned the loss of my exclusive relationship with DD#1. When DD#2 was born I loved her, but DD#1 went crazy. She had a hard time adjusting and it was just overwhelming (do you see my pattern with newborns- they're overwhelming!). My DH and I want to have three children, but it took everything in my being not scream "You're getting a vasectomy!!" at my husband every time somebody brought up #3. I figured 2 months post-partum was not a good time to make major life changing decisions. :) Fast forward to today. DD#2 is 8 months and I am starting to fathom a third. I'm not ready to start trying (I actually enjoy the 3 year age difference between my girls), but it doesn't completely freak me out.

 

I guess my advice is take it slow. You are a new mom and you should savor this time with your baby. Your baby fever will come back when the time is right for you and your family.

post #6 of 29

DS turns 1 yr this Thursday and I'm just BARELY able to talk about having more than 1 child w/o screaming "ARE YOU NUTS?!" Of course, we had a hard 4 months w/feeding/swallowing issues so it might be taking me longer than others to get there. However, the thought is there so I'm sure I'll be able to do more than think about it later on.  Like others have said, it just will take time and everyone is on a different time table.

post #7 of 29

Well, I wasn't ready to think about #2 until my DD was 4 YEARS! :) And we didn't have DS until she was 7.

 

Actually we were totally in the "one and done" club - had NO plans at ALL for a second. But then things changed and I really wanted another child.

 

8 weeks is very very very early. I couldn't even tie my own shoes at 8 weeks I was so sleep deprived, let alone contemplate having another kid. I will say that after my DD was born (epidural, typical hospital medicated birth) I immediately felt "I NEVER want to have another kid." After DS was born (unplanned home birth - natural, obviously) - I immediately felt like "Oh man, I want to have another baby NOW!!!

 

At this point, even though I really don't want another child - we can't afford more kids, I'm getting old, we really don't want a larger family -there is a little voice inside that says "hmmm . maybe ..."

post #8 of 29

Odds are you will change your mind, just because most people who feel that way at 8 weeks out-- and there are LOTS of people who feel that way 8 weeks out-- change their mind. But maybe not. There are plenty of happy only child families out there! I just wouldn't do anything irreversible at this point, probably. 

post #9 of 29

 

Right now (8 month old baby) DH and I are nearly certain we don't want another, which was also unexpected for me, I just didn't know how intense it was going to be. DS is high needs, so it sometimes feels like it must feel to have 2!
I always say "Ask me again in two years" because that's how long I can imagine it'll take until I may...MAY....feel like I could do this again.
For me it would be ideal to wait 5 or 6 years, that way DS will be much more independent and in school and I'd have more time for a second child, plus you have less of a chance for sibling rivalry, etc with an older child. Sadly, I would be in my mid 40s and DH nearly 60 if we waited that long,so it probably ain't gonna happen. I guess that is one major disadvantage of being older first-time parents!
post #10 of 29

PJ; That's our age gap and I have to say I LOVE it.  I mean, obvioulsy I have nothing to compare it to - but it really works for us. I'm almost 40 and DH is closing in on 50.

post #11 of 29
Thread Starter 

Well I'm 21 and he's 24 so if we needed 10 years to be ready again we could still most likely have another.  I've just heard so many stories of people just knowing they wanted to have another (maybe not right away but eventually) as soon as their LO was born.  My parents even joked about us purposely having 'Irish Twins'. headscratch.gif

post #12 of 29

P.J., I know what you mean. While I am only 32 right now, I have diabetes and high blood pressure and my doctor is very emphatic that it's not a great idea for me to think of continuing having kids in my late 30's/early 40's. So, if we're going to have more than Cecilia, I have to get crackin' in the next year or so! But luckily, like I said above, I'm starting to feel like I can handle it again, so hopefully we'll be TTC again in the near future!

post #13 of 29

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!

post #14 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizznicole View Post

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!



I think that's a big part of it...not only am I worn out from having a HN baby and can't imagine adding another to this mix, but I fear it would be another intense baby....and, as much as I love being a mom, I think I can only handle one time round on the spirited-baby merry go round! nut.gif

post #15 of 29


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by P.J. View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mizznicole View Post

DS1 was super hard and I was really dreading the next child (being dramatic).  But now DS2 is here and he's such an angel that I would love to have many more.  I hear that's common - when they're easygoing, you feel you could have a whole troupe.  I love my DS1 very much, of course.  But for now one super high intense kid is all I can handle!



I think that's a big part of it...not only am I worn out from having a HN baby and can't imagine adding another to this mix, but I fear it would be another intense baby....and, as much as I love being a mom, I think I can only handle one time round on the spirited-baby merry go round! nut.gif


Me too, me too!  DD is awesome, but HN...and while, at 5 months, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm understanding her better and regaining my equilibrium a little bit, it's hard to imagine surviving (also being dramatic winky.gif) another spirited baby.  At the same time, I always wanted to have two kids.  It's good to know that it's possible to have intense and easy-going babies in the same family!

 

I'd love about a 4 year age gap.  I definitely don't have the patience, fortitude, or stamina to join the 2 under 2 army.  I'm 33 now, so we're talking 37ish...a bit later than I'd originally wanted, but the same age as my mom when she had my sister. 

post #16 of 29

I don't think that's unusual--I kinda was in the same situation as you--had my first at 22 (DP was 24), had wanted kids all my life (I was a nanny through college), and then loved him so much but was simultaneously so exhausted that I didn't (and still don't, really) understand how people have them 1.5/2 years apart.  For me, I know, it would not do well for my equilibrium, ya know?  When he turned 3.5/4, though, we were ready to try again and had DS #2 three weeks after DS #1 turned 5.  It's great.  I love the spacing, I don't feel like it took away our special relationship with DS #1 because he is able to do so many more things now. (And, I was able to nurse DS #1 for over 3 years without a pregnancy messing with that, which I wanted to do)  I guess what I'm saying is, you have tons of time to decide whether you want more or not.  I'm even teasing DP and saying in 3 or 4 years I'll be ready to do it again:) Starting fairly young you have that option, which is awesome.

Weirdly enough, I enjoyed being pregnant so much I am feeling baby fever right now, which is strange since I emphatically do not want two toddlers. It comes and goes, though...

post #17 of 29

My DS is 4 months and I WANT another. But I NEVER want to be pregnant again! I Hated being pregnant, and giving birth... Worth the pay off... but not fun (I think my hieght of 4'10'' might have to do with it!) so we are looking into adopting. Lukily, we won't be old enough for most agencies for a year and a half, so it's forcing me to wait/think. 

post #18 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 View Post

My DS is 4 months and I WANT another. But I NEVER want to be pregnant again! I Hated being pregnant, and giving birth... Worth the pay off... but not fun (I think my hieght of 4'10'' might have to do with it!) so we are looking into adopting. Lukily, we won't be old enough for most agencies for a year and a half, so it's forcing me to wait/think. 


Huh, that's interesting. It just goes to show how different every pregnancy is-- I am only 2 inches taller than you, and I loved my pregnancy! I've never felt better in my life!

post #19 of 29

I always joked that the fact that my kids don't sleep good is the universe telling me to stop breeding. orngtongue.gif

 

Because if I had good sleepers - I'd probably have like 5 kids.

post #20 of 29

Maybe you will, maybe you won't. No one can tell you that. :) My kids are almost 6 years apart. I definitely did not have any baby fever when the first one was a year or two old. I was sure I didn't want another one until she was over 5, when I changed my mind and got pregnant the first time we tried.

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