terrified of paperwork

[imogenlily]

Some background: I am OCD and off my Paxil for the duration of my pregnancy (and will probably be EBF for at least a year after my baby is born in May). Paxil controlled my OCD pretty well. Before I was on Paxil I had problems with compulsive skin picking and a verbal tic where I would involuntarily repeat particular phrases three times when I felt shame or embarrassment.

I am 23 weeks pregnant, and my OCD has been relatively manageable until about a month ago. I just ignore the verbal tic, although it has increased in severity. The skin picking has actually improved since the last time I was off meds! Unfortunately, I have a couple of new symptoms.

The one that is interfering with my life the most is a fear of paperwork. I have always been bad at paperwork stuff - from the time I was in junior high or so. DH thinks my mom gave me some kind of complex about it - I remember being 21 and losing my debit card, and my mom saying that she thought I needed to live in a group home(!)

I live in Canada, and the government gives me maternity leave benefits, but there is a lengthy paperwork process. I did go through it, but I did it two weeks late because I was so terrified that the government would find some reason I should not actually be entitled the mat leave payments and I would ruin our family's finances. Now because the application was late, I may actually be denied the payments.

I did have a medical condition affecting my health seriously (several hospital visits) during the time I should have applied, and the government will make some allowances for people whose applications are late because they were sick. I need to call them and tell them I was sick and find out what documentation I need to prove I was sick (dr's note, hospital records, etc.)

Unfortunately, every time I try to pick up the phone to make this phonecall, I get so afraid that I start to cry, shake, hyperventilate, and eventually vomit.

People make jokes about being "allergic to paperwork", but it actually makes me throw up!

Going back on Paxil is not an option. In two weeks DH's insurance will kick in and I will be able to see a therapist. I really do need to make this phonecall in the next day or two, though. It may even be too late now, I don't know.

There is other paperwork that needs to be done before the baby arrives. I am so scared of all of it, and just feel like a terrible excuse for a parent because I can't seem to do these basic things that need doing.

When I need to do my taxes in the Spring, I can usually do mine and DH's if he sits with me, but for whatever reason I am less afraid of taxes than I am of these other things. Also, most of the things I need to do now need to happen between 9 and 5, when he's at work, so I'm doing them on my own.

[kittynurse]

Sounds like maybe you have some social anxiety/phobia going on as well.  I can totally relate.  The thing that has saved me has been to do as much stuff online as possible.  Can you look on the Service Canada website to see if you can work out the issues regarding your EI online?

Hugs

Martha

[imogenlily]

I believe I'm being overcharged by the phone company by about $100/month, but the idea of trying to deal with it has caused me to throw up all day today.

I really have no idea how I'm going to manage being a mother.

[applecider]

I know sometimes they have an online chat thing for the phone company, it might be less anxiety inducing to do it that way?