Preschoolers and Masturbation

[crbyard]

Okay, let me start off by saying that I am not a prude, nor do I believe that
human sexuality or pleasure is something to be ashamed of. That said, I am kind
of uncomfortable with the fact that my 3 year old daughter is very fond of
masturbation. She discovered her clitoris about 6 or so months ago and
definitely enjoys what happens when she rubs it. At first, I chuckled and told
my husband that it is just as natural as boys clutching their penises (which my
7 month old already does)and pretty much told her that it is something only to
do in private. Recently, though, she has begun using her nursery light (the OXO
toolis) as a "tool." She actually puts it in her panties and I am kind of
worried about penetration (it has little ear-like protrusions). That, and the
girl constantly puts her hands in her panties when she is in bed alone and
infection concerns me.

Do you think that this is just a phase of sexual self-consciousness and she'll
grow out of it, or more maturely into it? I was sitting in her room to make
sure the girls didn't fight one night and the sound of her masturbating really
made me ill. Mentally, I know it is normal but as her mother I am kind of
grossed-out. Kind of like walking in on your parents having sex as a child but
reverse. Ugh. Tell me I am being silly or at least, what you would do. I know
that if she were a boy, for some reason, I wouldn't be as weirded out by it.
That disturbs me on a whole other level. I don't want to bring shame to her
about it. She obviously wants me to leave her alone when I walk in on her doing
it -- what do you think? Just let it lie?

[GoBecGo]

I would let it lie.  Encourage good hand-hygiene and keep her nails short and clean.  She will either grow out of it or grow into greater modesty about it.  I too am squwicked out when i realise DD is doing (and when my nearly-8mo is in her car seat, humping against the harness and sighing!) but i keep my squwick to myself and just encourage her to do it in private.  I wish she would stop calling her clitoris a "baby penis" though!  LOL

I wouldn't worry about penetration.  The vagina, even at age 3, is self cleaning.  So long as the light is pretty clean she won't harm herself in any significant way.

The fact that you'd mind less if she was a boy does seem a bit strange to me.  Do you have issues with your OWN sexuality and masturbation?  If so then i guess this is triggering for that reason, and dealing with your own issues will probably help you feel much better about her innocent explorations.

[crbyard]

That's exactly why I am disturbed -- the fact that I realize that I would probably be less weirded out by it.  Trust me, I have a very open and uncensored view of my own sexuality.  I still remember my own exploration as a child and feel that it is/was totally normal.  There is just this expectation socially that little boys will not be able to keep their hands off of themselves and there is an established humor surrounding the subject.  Little girls don't have that reputation (right or wrong) and, therefore, don't have the cushion of humor to help us react as parents.  Even though I know intellectually and intuitively that what she is doing is "normal," there is a physical reaction that I am kind of surprised by, KWIM?

[not_telling]

Originally Posted by crbyard 

That's exactly why I am disturbed -- the fact that I realize that I would probably be less weirded out by it.  Trust me, I have a very open and uncensored view of my own sexuality.  I still remember my own exploration as a child and feel that it is/was totally normal.  There is just this expectation socially that little boys will not be able to keep their hands off of themselves and there is an established humor surrounding the subject.  Little girls don't have that reputation (right or wrong) and, therefore, don't have the cushion of humor to help us react as parents.  Even though I know intellectually and intuitively that what she is doing is "normal," there is a physical reaction that I am kind of surprised by, KWIM?

What's interesting is that when I was teaching Kg, I witnessed more girls engaging in self-stimulation (at nap time) than boys.  Granted, it was rare regardless of the sex of the child...but, if memory serves, in 6 years of teaching kg I'd say there were about 5 girls and 2 or 3 boys.