"Gifted" (for lack of a better term) Toddlers - Naming Emotions?

[marcinator19]

Hey everyone -

I know there are quite a few toddler mama's out there and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced "advanced" emotional understanding w/  your toddlers. I've been looking for this one as a milestone online but can't find it anywhere.

I mean - the counting to 20, knowing abc's, colors, shapes, ability to speak in long grammatically correct sentences - this you can find in most of the milestone books, but naming emotions - this one seems to escape me.

So, first of all about 2 months ago (DD is now 23 months) during a tantrem I asked her what was wrong and she told me "I'm getting frustrated." I'm like - OK - wow. Yes, that's an accurate statement (as she was trying to do something that she does not yet have the manual dexterity to do).

Next, she has begun about 1 month ago or so to name the emotion "shy" and "scared." Our neighbor walked up from across the street and so she wanted me to pick her up. I told her to "say hi to the neighbor" and she tells me "I'm shy."

When asked about Santa Claus, she told me "I'm scared of Santa."

Just this last weekend, we went to church and she was examining the Jesus nailed to a cross at the catholic church (kinda gory, I have to be honest) - and she looked at it and told me "That makes me sad."

Ok, maybe it's just me, but this seems beyond what the average almost 2-year old is doing. I think it's great b/c I think it's helping her to be able to name her emotions and keeps her tantrams at bay to some degree.

Curious to hear if others have experienced this (I'm sure you have) would love to hear your stories too!!!

[A-time-to-live]

I don't know what average is but - my 23 month spontaneously tells us that she is happy, sad, grumpy, mad, frustrated, shy, excited, worried, and "feeling silly."  She will also talk about things that make her feel that way: "Mommy hugs make me happy."  :-)

[no5no5]

This might be the sort of thing you are looking for.  According to that, it does seem a bit advanced for a not-yet-2-year-old kid.  To me it seems like a bigger deal wrt vocabulary than emotional development, but what do I know?    My kiddo definitely used words like that at that age, and she was relatively calm at that age...certainly much calmer than she is now.  Being able to label emotions early has not equated to an advanced ability to control her emotions as a preschooler.  Or, if she is advanced in that area, I feel very sorry for those with kids who aren't as advanced.  Yikes. 

[physmom]

This is one of DD's favorite interests (just turned 2).  She's been obsessed with emotions for awhile.  Even before she was speaking (she was signing from about 14-18 months), and would sign "baby cry" whenever a kid was crying (or looked like they might).  She's even go over there to see why they were crying and figure out what was going on.  We'd discuss it with her and normally she'd said the baby needed to nurse or go potty.     

Now her favorite TV show in Kai Lan where they discuss social emotional issues in every episode amongst their group of friends. She loves the stories and will tell me about who was crying in each episode and why they were upset and how the friends helped each other deal with the problem. She also is very curious about family members and their reactions (unfortunately, she likes "angry faces" and will purposely do stuff just to see that we're upset!). She has to go around and ask if we're all happy and then she feel much better. She'll also let us know if she's scared or busy. She specifically likes Thomas the train (I personally hate it but we have some of the books) because the faces are very expressive and she'll go through the books asking about the emotions on the characters faces.

I'm not sure what's normal for this age group but what you described does sound very familiar. I also wanted to agree with PP's. This has definitely NOT led to an advanced social development. This is the same kid with extreme separation anxiety who is prone to hitting kids when she gets overstimulated.

[ellemenope]

Welcome!

I would say that the majority of almost 2 year olds understand emotions, but to be able to attach words to these abstract ideas, put them is meaningful sentences, and express them verbally rather than physically is a bit unique.

Your DD sounds quite verbal for her age.  Giving her words to express her emotions is a great idea. 

We definitely made a point to expose our DD (30 months) to lots of descriptive words at that age and it payed off.   Since about your DD's age she has told me she was frustrated or in a bad mood. She is now into puzzles (major dexterity issues), and you can hear her muttering, "I just need to be patient."  and "gentle...gentle....gentle." and when she gets one done she beams and has said, "look mommy, I was persistent and I did it."  And, she loves to tell me when she has turned a bad mood into a good mood.  She is also shy, and learend that word, despite me trying not to ever use it. 

She is such a gentle empathetic soul.  She has come up to me and said, "I want to hit you, but I will hug you instead."  or (after she saw a car accident,) "Do cars have feelings?" She has never hit another child, and shows great restraint toward one cousin who tries to beat her up constantly.  Recently, we hit a bump with sharing.  But, still, it is remarkable how she talks through her issues.   At the local children's museum she told me, "I can just pretend all these toys are mine, and if someone wants to play them, I'll let them, because we all come here to share these toys."

Now, at 2.5 she is taking emotions even farther.  The other day she made a scary face and said, "I made a scary face and mommy was scared STIFF!" 

[marcinator19]

I love this board!! I love reading the stories about our little ones and all the things they are doing as they go through the 2's and 3's! It's just such a magical time and every day I feel like there's one of those "wow" moments and it's super-fun to share with you ladies.

Thanks for the reality check that the emotional understanding doesn't necessarily equate to social maturity of any kind - however I do think I'll continue to foster this development of her vocabulary b/c it does always seem better to be able to communicate clearly as opposed to the alternative.

Thank you also to PP for the pbs.org link. I did notice that they say 2-3 year olds don't play much w/ other kids, but I have to say my DD LOVES to play with other kids - bosses them around, takes turns (she is always talking about whose turn it is to do something), shares toys, etc. So who knows if that means anything at all, just thought it was interesting. She also talks about her friends at daycare all the time when she's not there - it's really quite cute.

[crunchy_mommy]

DS is 23mos and he has been naming emotions for a while as well. I don't really know if it's normal, but he seems a little advanced in other areas so the 'naming emotions' could be advanced as well I suppose. He will often tell me he's happy/sad/scared, and yesterday he told DH that he was "having a tough day"... He got this toy for Christmas & I noticed he loves talking about the different faces, "Mommy bear is tired, Daddy bear is angry" etc. He also gets confused when he sees me showing a 'new' emotion (one I rarely show) & will ask me about it, and he likes giving me kisses & then asking if it "made Mommy happy?" which I think is adorable However, I don't really see this translating into better social/emotional skills overall for him right now. He loves interacting with his friends (though I'm not sure I'd say they truly 'play' together right now, more just pass each other toys, give hugs, etc.) but he is overall very shy, clingy, & anxious. He is getting pretty good at calming himself down (deep breaths etc.) but rarely seems to express the full range of emotions that I see/hear other toddlers expressing -- he almost never says, "NO!" or "Mine!' and really doesn't tantrum much if at all, and also doesn't dance around with joy or run happily up to someone/something he loves. I guess I'd venture to say that it's more his verbal development that is advanced, not his emotional development.

[accidental_hs'er]

My ds (now 8) was exactly like this.  He never had tantrums.  I remember walking down a hallway in an apartment building and he was getting mad.  He was about 2 at the time.  He said, "I don't want to do this!  I'm fustated!!"  I can still hear his wobbly, baby voice as he said it.  I remember an elderly woman turning around, looking shocked!  Lol.  It was even more shocking when my dd came along later and spoke very late and she had tantrum after tantrum because she couldn't express herself the way she wanted.  I was so used to her brother just telling me what was wrong. 

A few months before his 3rd birthday, his grandma died and at the funeral he kept going up to people to console them.  It was unreal.  He'd say he was sorry for their loss (something he had heard, obviously) but then he would be sad with the person and rub their back or shake their hand.  He could empathize better than any child I had ever seen before.  It completely blew people, including me, away.

Language and comprehension have always been his strong suits.  Now he is in grade 2 but reading at a grade 11 level.  He has never stopped shocking me.

[RollerCoasterMama]

DS was prone to overstimulation (I think mild sensory issues).  I worked HARD to give him the skills to express those emotions with words or signs instead of biting/hitting/pinching.  We used Signing Time DVDs and he loved the feelings one, so that was good for the 12-15 month period when he wasn't talking much, but was learning new signs every day.  And it directly translated into verbal skills once he had his language explosion.  Having a tough day, being frustrated, being angry with people, or sad...these are things we practiced and reinforced because they were coping skills he needed.  But, he had crazy good verbal skills so that helped immensely!  I really never realized how strong his verbal skills were for a young toddler until recently.  My niece is very bright and dead average on verbal skills.  She just turned two and I can barely understand a word she says!  DS was speaking in solid paragraphs by then and anyone could understand him.  NOW I understand why people were impressed by his speaking when he was little.  With him, he'd be understandable pretty much from the first time he said something with very little baby talk.  He'd just add more and more words and supplement with signing until he got the hang of the word.  Just seemed normal at the time!  LOL! 

The result of giving him those tools for expressing himself was that he was able to gradually overcome the instinct to lash out when he felt a strong emotion (usually!!).  And he's super empathetic. 

I think OP, no matter where she picked up the vocabulary, it's in all of your interests to encourage and practice those words!  (We used to make emotion faces and do the sign or word.  Making a game out of it when everything was calm, helped it sink in.) 

[leighi123]

My ds did the same thing, has always been good at stating his emotion, even in the middle of a tantrum!  (he could tell me if he was freaking out because he was mad, sad, frustrated, disapointed, or overwhelmed)

But I also "named emotions" for him before he could do it himself, before he could talk (he was speaking full scentinces by 18months so before that), so I'd guess that has something to do with it.