Fear of using the potty or toilet

[bigjooba]

I have a little boy who will turn 3 in 10 days time. I have tried (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. He will not even sit on the potty now because once when he was naked his willy brushed the front of the potty seat and he will now refuse to even sit on it. He will sit on the toilet using a padded seat just to appease me but will not actually use it even if he is busting to go. He has very good control, knows when he has to pee or poop because he holds his crotch or crosses his legs, or hides when he needs to poop (in diaper of course). He has very delayed speech and is only starting to put two words together but most of the time his language is just baby talk babble.

I seriously dont know what to do. He likes to be naked from the waist down but it has not helped my toilet training efforts because he will just go and point to a diaper when he is desperate to go (like I said, he once held it in all day), and he panics if I try to put him on thetoilet when the actual need is there. If that makes sense.

I honestly feel that he will never get over his fear of using the toilet, and its kind of stressing me out. Has anyone had a similar experience to this? My DD1 was potty trained at 2years8months, and my DD2 was 2years10months when potty trained.

How can I get him to overcome his fear and anxiety of using the toilet, without letting go of the idea altogether??

[carmel23]

I think have a fear or anxiety of a toilet is common-- it is so big, has a big hole, and can be LOUD!

Do you have a little potty?  Although it is probably better to train on the big potty if possible, the little seat is not as scary.  And you can take it with you (it isn't stuck in the bathroom). 

[elizaMM]

It sounds like she does have a little potty because she says he won't sit on it but he will sit on a padded seat on the toilet.

I'm a little skeptical of "conditioning" types of techniques with children, but in this case I might try it. Just try to associate positive things with the potty, starting with just being NEAR it (near the door to the bathroom?), for example, and working your way closer. Reading books, singing songs, happy things, little by little. Maybe bring the potty out of the bathroom?

Have you taken ANY breaks from encouraging it? If not, it might be time to try that? To take the pressure off for a little while?

Your other children probably weren't this late talking? So maybe consider looking at when they learned relative to their speech skills rather than their age? Not that potty training is directly related to speech-- but it might put things in a bit more of a favorable perspective?

My son will be 3 in 12 days and he is not near potty trained. I'd really like him to be. But I don't want to struggle with it. And a lot of kids are three these days. I wish I'd had a decent chance to get him "trained" before he entered the terrible "no" phase. But now it seems like I need to wait till he outgrows it.

Good luck!!

[Dandelionkid]

My ds just potty-trained last year at 4 yrs and 3 months. He was completely in diapers up to this point because he refused to sit on the toilet. I thought it was partly a fear thing too but regardless, I tried bribery at times, I tried reasoning and different potty seats. He wouldn't until he was ready- and then he was ready and now it is hard to remember that he was just in diapers 6 months ago!!! He just went from diapers to potty-trained day/night with only the occasionally night-time accident. In retrospect my dd trained early but kept having accidents from age 3-4 so maybe it is just as good to potty-train late.

Boys sometimes take awhile. Just be reassured that it will happen eventually!! I'm really glad now that I didn't push it too hard. IMO it went along with all his other development. It seemed like once he potty-trained he matured a lot in other ways too. He was also a late-talker btw.

[bigjooba]

Thank you for all your responses, and details of your own experiences. I agree that I have to take the pressure off. I need to stop comparing his milestones to those of my other children, and other kids in general. And I have to ignore the common perception in my community that a kid should be toilet trained by now, because they associate a toilet trained child with good parenting. My plan is to take the pressure off and act casual about the whole thing, all the while ignoring all rude and snide comments by other people.

I wish everyone else out there struggling with toilet training their child good luck also!! 

[mamatoni]

I don't know if this is possible where you live, but it really helped my DS to pee outside.  I'd just let him run around naked outside on the bottom and the first time he actually peed you could tell that he was startled by what was happening with his body.  He had just made the connection between what peeing felt like to him and what his body was doing.  Outside was definitely less scary from DS and we tried to find fun things to pee on.  As he got more comfortable with the entire act of peeing he was much more receptive to the idea of the toilet.

good luck!

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by mamatoni 

I don't know if this is possible where you live, but it really helped my DS to pee outside.  I'd just let him run around naked outside on the bottom and the first time he actually peed you could tell that he was startled by what was happening with his body.  He had just made the connection between what peeing felt like to him and what his body was doing.  Outside was definitely less scary from DS and we tried to find fun things to pee on.  As he got more comfortable with the entire act of peeing he was much more receptive to the idea of the toilet.

good luck!

I totally agree with this.  Have the little potty around, because sometimes you want to sit.  I think just running around without a diaper, is a start. and the potty you don't have to sit on it or anything, it is just offering it.  yk?

There are also a ton of books and watched potty movies.  I think 'potty power' is oriented towards older kids... and may address anxiety a little.  Have the ability to control you describe and sitting and not going makes me think he is nervous.  maybe wrongfully so. 

It sounds like you have a good plan.

[myfairbabies]

I definitely suggest making things fun and it sounds like he might like learning to pee standing rather than sitting (I've heard cheerios in the toilet works for "aiming"). My dd was terrified to poop in the potty and she got over it by doing a few things- I had her baby doll "go poop" in the potty (she absolutely loves making her babies do things) and I made up some silly songs and sound effects about it. I also didn't require that she sit, but I would hold her standing/squatting over her little potty. After she finally went one day, we let her help us put it in the toilet and then let her flush and wave bye bye, lol. Other suggestions I got included potty books and videos and bribes (sticker charts and candy). People that think their kid PT early because they were great parents are idiots (and my kid did pt early)  :) GL!