Apologies for not replying Mothering has been eating my posts...trying again.
Thank you for all of the wonderful replies. I have read everything and been doing a lot of thinking.
I know a lot of it is genetics and I do come from a long line of obese family members. Obesity is taking my family from me -- diabetes, heart disease and cancer are killing us. I have done better than most of my immediate family - I have kept my weight under 200 pounds and I am now 175. Yes, I am obese, but the painful truth is that I am quite slim by my family's standards. My 7 year old son is now overweight and I am at pains to improve his health before the excess weight takes a toll on his health and well being.
We are living in Sweden right now and I am keenly aware that we are the heaviest people around. The Swedes are slim people. I am 1/2 Swedish by heritage, so I just cannot continue to believe that I am genetically preprogrammed to be overweight. Lifestyle is central to the Swedish method of staying slim. While we have been here I have been eating better and exercising more and it has showed with a 7 pound weightloss.
But my "healthy" eating is simply not good enough -- like many on Mothering, I work hard to insure that my family eats well -- we have food sensitivities -- no wheat and no milk. These limitations have meant that we eat nothing processed -- no fast food, no pizza, nothing packaged, nothing prepared. All of our food is home cooked, all of it comes from simple ingredients - oatmeal and brown rice are our basic starches, we eat chicken and fish, no beef. We grow a large garden, we eat fruit and vegetables with every meal. We eat nuts and seeds and lentils and beans and avacados and olive oil and coconut oil.
And yes, I am pained by the Facebook pictures. I admit to being very frustrated. I feel that I am doing well, but I am simply not doing good enough. I see friends who are outrageously slim. And not "I squeezed myself into Spanx" slim, but "I look rocking naked" slim. I go to the gym here in Sweden and I am clearly the fattest woman in the locker room.
I know that I am simply the fat woman who is eating too much. And feeding my family too much.
I hurt today. I am sad to be struggling with this. I am sad to be doing so much and to still be so far from my goal.
Forgive my self-indulgence. I thought about not posting at all, but I now that I am not the only one who feels this way and it helps to get it out. My dh has the kiddos out to ice skate and I am off for a run. I do love to run and have worked my way up to a nice 3 mile loop at an easy pace. It feels great and I love to be outdoors -- soothing for my achey soul right now.