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Talk with me...how do some women stay so thin? - Page 3

post #41 of 117



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl View Post




I haven't heard of this.  We have a wonderful naturopath who has helped us diagnose my son's weight gain and stomach/GI issues.  I will talk to her about fructose. Taking wheat, eggs and milk out of his diet (and mine more or less) has made an impressive improvement in his skin and belly.   Thanks for the information. 



 

 fructose intolerant people cant eat whole wheat or brown rice. HFCS, fruit, fruit juice, etc is part of it, but also milk sugar, honey, and some other sugars have to go too. my energy has returned and i have less pain. and of course i lost 23 lbs. i did exercise more but not much and even when i am  not exercising the weight keeps slipping off at about 2 lb a week. i eat a lot of fatty meats, potatoes and white rice. i add veggies to the rice but only safe ones. i cant have corn :(. but fructose and fructans are in all the food. after 6 weeks i will be able to trial more veggies and eventually be bale to add some fruits back to my diet.

 

 http://www.diet.com/g/fructose-intolerance

 

http://fructosemalabsorption.info/

 

http://www.whatcanieat.com.au/index-tess1.php?ItemNo=1069

post #42 of 117
Thread Starter 
Quote:

For the record - I'm not obsessed.  At all.  And I'm about a size 0-2.

 I do work out 6 days a week and about an hour a day.  In the winter, I slack off and gain weight.  In the summer (bathing suit season) I work hard.  I eat what I want, but I do make smart choices.   I don't waste calories eating crap like ketchup when I can enjoy a delicious brownie later.  I also enjoy spending time with my children and reading books...... smile.gif

 

Life is about maintaining a balance.  I have a great balance with food and exercise and my kids reap the benefits of having a fit, happy and healthy mom.

 

 

 

 

 



You don't sound obsessive.  You sound happy and healthy and very content.  And really?  An hour of exercise, 6 days a week?  See, there is the gap in my knowledge.  When I think about regular exercise, I think about 30 minutes 2 or 3 times a week.  You are doing 6 times what I am doing.  And eating better -- so there it is.  My idea of eating right and exercising regularly is way, way below what truly fit and trim women are doing.  

 

 

......and I never thought of ketchup as a crap food choice.  It probably is though.  And whatever it is that I am dipping in ketchup.  

post #43 of 117

I haven't read all the posts, but one difference I've noticed between myself (always been thin, no matter what I do) and my husband (probably carrying about 20 extra pounds right now) is that I have a very hard time physically overeating.  I eat until I am full, and sometimes I want to keep eating because I am enjoying whatever it is, but I get to a point where I just cannot swallow anything else without wanting to gag.  This completely baffled my husband who came from a "clean your plate" family.  Our first argument after we were married was over a single bite of sandwich that I didn't want to finish :lol.  I try to make healthy decisions about what to eat (I know my days of being thin without trying are numbered), and I am sure I eat better than a lot of Americans, but I probably enjoy white flour/sugar a little too often.  I almost always have food left on my plate at the end of a meal though. 

 

ETA one more difference between me and dh I just remembered:  I drink a lot of water at meal times, usually 1 or even 2 big glasses.  Dh sips water all day long, and has a small glass with meals.  I think we both get plenty of water, we rarely drink anything else, we just space it out differently.  It's definitely a learned habit from our families.  At his house, you set the table with glasses full of water, and there is no pitcher on the table for refills.  At my house there is always a big pitcher on the table and people refill frequently. 

post #44 of 117

You know what I just realized, just now, as I scarfed down two slices of buttered toast (my breakfast) and 1/2 a banana (the other half of the LO's breakfast) is that I eat on other people's schedules and essentially for them. I eat breakfast the second I wake up, even though I'm not hungry, because the LO is hungry, and later I won't necessarily get the chance for a sit down meal. When my husband is home I prepare dinner every day between 5 and 6, which I think is a pretty good time for everyone, but I eat as much as he does...just to be sociable. He's literally twice my weight and I seriously don't need to eat as much as him. When the LO has a snack, I do too, even if I'm not hungry. I also go out and do things (shopping, walking etc) and come home ravenous and gobble down everything in sight. I think I need to eat according to my body as much as possible.

post #45 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl View Post

What I really noticed is that other women eat a lot less than I do.  They ate good food -- lots of potatoes and meat here -- but small portions with a lot of veggies.   Really small portions.  I don't think I could eat that little, but I do think I can cut my portion sizes a bit and have a "no seconds" rule for myself.  

 

It is time for me to really own up to my tendency to overeat.  Not because I am bored or sad or lonely, but because I really love to eat!  I love good food.   Love it!  

Keep in mind that if they are already smaller than you, they require fewer calories.
 

post #46 of 117
Weight is such a loaded issue. And of course the reasons behind any single individual's weight are always more complex than many would like to credit.

With that being said I think not enough credence is being given in this discussion to genetics. I know lots of thin people, and none of them seem to care much about working out or monitoring their eating. Maybe my perception of thinness is different than most people? I don't know. (I DO know that someone upthread mentioned that they feel fat when in a size 12 which makes me dizzy.gif. To me a size 12 is no place close to fat.) Someone else upthread stated they didn't think it was genetics because they were thin while their sisters were not. So what? Let me use my husband as an example. He is a freaking rail...to the point where finding clothes that actually fit his 6'4" 160lb-on-a-heavy-day frame is impossible. He eats like a horse. He can eat anything he wants, as much as he wants and you will never see it on his frame. He also does not exercise and never has. His sister's body type is completely different, as with both of his parents. Who knows where he gets his metabolism, but its certainly not due to any diligence on his part. Totally genetic.

Also, so much of the way we perceive body image is instilled by the media and by our families. I think changing one's perception should often come before changing one's weight. The threads on MDC that burn me the most are the ones where PP moms are talking about how to diet to loose that "extra baby weight". THAT is unhealthy if you ask me. Bodies keep extra weight after a baby for a reason. Feeling one needs to look thin after having a child is one example of an unhealthy focus on weight over health.

To the PP who does not "obsess" about food but won't eat ketchup because its "empty calories"...well in my world that is a level of attention that would make me uncomfortable. For me the more I think about the relative "value" of what I eat the more I get stressed about food and eating. Screw that. So I made a compromise with myself: Stop or limit the crappy stuff like sugar and then eat whatever I want however much I want of the real food. And if I am seriously craving sugar I will eat that too (this never happens anymore though). Its pretty much the Michael Pollan approach and it does me well.

One last thing. If you are regulating your diet and exercising simply to make sure you are skinny enough "look good" in a bikini than your priorities are wacked. Sorry shrug.gif. If you like bikinis wear one no matter how you think you look please. This latter is going to be the catalyst that changes our social phobia about looking at real bodies...NOT the former. I'm willing to bet that most of the posters to this thread have perfectly healthy bodies, so its really not so much a health issue as a social one.

ALright off my box soapbox.gif
post #47 of 117

I'm totally with you on every single point, Chamomile Girl!

post #48 of 117

I don't know if 90% of it is genetics, but I also think that there is a tendency for people to assume that if they work hard to stay thin, then all anyone else has to do is work just as hard, and they'll stay thin (or get thin) too.  I don't like this assumption.

 

I come from a family where my mother's side of the family is thin, and my father's side of the family is overweight, with few to no exceptions on either side.  My sister takes after my father's side of the family physically, while I take after my mother's side. 

 

As a child I was thin, active, and a picky eater.  I've always had a high metabolism, and I really did eat a lot as a teenager.  Someone mentioned above that a thin person might think they eat a lot, whereas a larger person might think they don't eat much.  My experience of this was definitely the opposite - I once challenged a large teenaged boy to out-eat me, and he just barely managed it - he weighed about 180 and I weighed about 110.  One of my more overweight high school friends came in one day and told us how much she had eaten for supper the night before, how it was this HUGE portion, and it was one sausage and 2/3 of a large potato.  I could have eaten at least 1.5 times that much at a normal meal.

 

As a child, my sister was larger and fluffier.  She did hit puberty very young (about 7 years old) due to a medical condition, which I suppose might be involved, but she has the same body type as most of my dad's family, so I doubt it.  We were raised in the same family, with the same priorities.  We both love reading, we are both extremely slow eaters.  I was always more interested in physical activity than her, and she always liked tv more than me.  I would say that we're a pretty good study in genetic differences - even if those differences are in level of enjoyment of different activities.

 

I was very thin but NOT fit for many years.  At about the age of 12 I decided that exercise was for suckers and stopped doing it, in any form.  I read books, I occasionally walked my dog for a long distance, but sometimes I took out the ATV and she ran behind.  I was not an example of a thin, fit person, just a thin person.  Like a PP, I didn't gain weight, but I did lose muscle tone and feel crappy (it took me years to figure out that I felt better when I got exercise).  I weighed 117 pounds when I graduated high school (I'm 5'7") and I still weighed the exact same amount when I was 25.  My husband (boyfriend at the time) tried to get me to exercise, but I didn't want to.  When I was 26 or so, we went on a long bicycle tour.  We started out with no previous training, on a tandem bike.  It was incredibly hard work.  I checked our caloric intake one day and it was 3800 calories each!  People kept on seeing us and talking to us and telling us that "I could never do that" . . . which was frustrating, because there wasn't anything special about me . . . I hadn't exercised a whit in years, and started out terribly unfit.  It was just a matter of assuming that I could do it, and then doing it even though my legs hurt so much.

 

When we got back home, I weighed 135 pounds - I had even less body fat than when we left, so I had gained 18 pounds, mostly in my leg muscles.  I was happy enough with that, but of course I didn't exercise nearly as much once we were home (because we had been cycling 3-5 hours a day, which is a lot of time).  Apparently all that great exercise slowed down my metabolism, because I kept gaining weight (even while losing muscle) once I got home.  Now I'm 150 pounds.  I still don't really watch what I eat, although I've always liked reasonably healthy food (whole grains, fruits, lean meat, some veggies, but also full-fat dairy) but I try and get at least a small amount of exercise because it makes me feel better.  I reset my set point.  Now I need to work harder if I want to even stay within the range of acceptable BMI - I need to get real exercise and eat consciously.  Before, I didn't need to.  It wasn't having kids that made the change for me, but it was an experience similar in the way that it changed my metabolic needs and reset my set point.  On the other hand, it also changed my attitude about exercise.  I can bring myself to actually enjoy running now, for example, something that I used to despise.

 

So, I don't want to diminish the amount of work that some of those really thin, fit people put in - I know they have to expend a lot of effort to get there.  I know that pretty much everyone can reach some kind of baseline fitness/body mass that is healthy.  I do think there is a strong tendency to assume that because you have to try to do it, that anyone else can do it with the same amount of effort, and I don't think that that is true.  I think it really does take more effort for some people than for others.

 

My sister and I have discussed this, and she mentioned a hypothesis that makes a lot of sense to me.  In our evolutionary history, there have been two strategies that have worked in different circumstances (at least two, but for purposes of simplification I'll assume just two).  In easy times, when food was abundant, high-output individuals did well.  These people could eat all that abundant food and use the energy it gave them to get a lot done.  Their metabolism burned fast, they weren't the most efficient users of food, but they were very effective at breeding, building, making food stores, etc.  They had a lot of energy and thus were very productive, but they used a lot of food to be that way.  In hard times, when food was scarce, was when the low-output individuals would shine.  They might appreciate all the "storable" foods (that could be stored in their body fat) more than the thin people.  They might be unable to resist that high-fat, high-sugar, or high-carb treat (which were really uncommon in our evolutionary history).  In abundant food times, they might put on weight, and they might not tend to nearly so much physical activity to burn off the calories they liked.  Their metabolisms were not as fast, and they didn't have as much energy to get stuff done.  Then, when food became scarce, they would continue plugging along like they had always done, eating whenever they could but also living off of their body reserves.  They wouldn't starve, they might still be able to maintain a baseline of activity, they might even be able to carry a pregnancy, while the high-metabolism individuals stopped ovulating due to lack of nutrition.  In the context of an insecure food supply, such as probably existed during our evolutionary past, both strategies would have their place.

 

(Just a note, I'm not saying that it's all genetic . . . I'm saying that there's probably some genetic tendency, and that culture and family sub-culture probably influences that . . . I don't really understand people saying that it's not genetic because they're different from their family as far as weight/exercise/diet goes.  If you didn't get it genetically from your family, and you didn't get it culturally from your family, and you come from a culture where obesity is common, where did you get it from?  Your hard work, but why don't the other people around you work as hard?  There is something innately different about you, if you are working to stay fit and the people around you aren't doing the work, it seems to me.)

 

Unfortunately for the people with naturally slow metabolisms, low energy levels, and high food interests, we do not live in this unstable environment anymore.  Their adaptation is no longer adaptive in the environment we've found ourselves in.  So it will take more effort for those people to get to a fit healthy weight, exercise level, and food intake.  However, it can be done.  I don't imagine that Swedes are so genetically dissimilar from Americans - I am sure there are Swedes who struggle with this . . . and they win!  So it must be possible.  It's a matter of cultural support, I think.  As the OP said, the Swedish women around her pay a lot of attention to what and how much they're eating.  They also pay a lot of attention to exercise.  If that's the culture you live in and come from, it's much easier to enact healthy habits.  So if you feel that you should make changes to increase your exercise, eat a healthier diet, and decrease your weight, then by all means do so.  Accept that it might be hard, but that any progress at all is a step in the right direction. 

 

I think it's also important to recognize that we do have a tendency to focus on one single "ideal" that we should all strive for, and that that ideal is pretty artificial and narrow.  I have a fairly large skeleton, and even when I was very thin (such that people who didn't know any better thought I was anorexic), I was a size 6.  I haven't been a size 0 or 2 since I was 15, I'm just not built that way.  I'm not suggesting that anyone thinks size 6 is big, but just that I think I didn't meet the "ideal" that we were exposed to through models and media.  I think when I got up to a size 10 was when I looked and felt my best.  But this is different for everyone.  I have known some really large women in my time who weren't overweight, they were large and muscular.  I imagine that some people looked at them and thought they were too big, but I think they were very healthy.

 

So, OP, if you feel like you should make healthy lifestyle changes, then I applaud you for the steps you've already taken.  If you feel your son is overweight, then I'm very proud of you for recognizing that and deciding to change it.  I want you to know that you shouldn't be trying to live up to the ideal of those facebook friends that are so thin - chances are good that they're working at it, but it might not be as much work for them as it would for you.  Definitely step up your exercise level, if you can get it up to 1 hour a day, 6 days a week, then you'll be in a very good place as far as physical fitness goes, I imagine.  If doing that doesn't achieve some weight goal that you've set for yourself, though, don't be disappointed.  Doing the exercise IS the goal, eating better IS the goal.  Probably those two things will help you lose some weight, and your son too, but regardless of how much or little WEIGHT you lose, you'll be gaining good health.  Every day that you exercise, every day that you make conscious good food choices, is a success.  Make that your goal, and you won't be disappointed, because those things are completely in your control.  Your family will probably lose some weight as a result, but try to remember that weight goals are more difficult to set realistically - everybody's metabolism is different.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kristandthekids View Post

Do one thing at a time. If you need to sugar detox, do that first. Worry about amounts later. Don't try to do everything at once so you get overwhelmed and freak out.
Start thinking about a food's purpose in your diet before buying it/putting it in your mouth. Try alternatives. You're craving something sweet and want a cookie, try an apple first and see if it satisfies that craving. HFCS has GOT to go.
If you're still hungry after eating healthy portions, drink a glass of water and wait 20 minutes.
I'm a big fan of the green smoothies. They're really filling and a great way to increase green leafy veggies in your diet. Getting the nutrition you need out of your diet will help with cravings.
 


All of the above, especially the bolded!
 

 Quote:

Originally Posted by CI Mama View Post

It's easy to assume that how you look and your personal health are basically the same thing. If you look like someone in a fitness magazine you're "healthy" and if you don't, you aren't.

 

I think the truth is more complicated than that. There are ways of being thin that are not healthy (and I agree with Philomom that obsession with food & exercise is not healthy!). There are ways of being healthy that don't make you look like someone in a magazine. Pursuing good health and pursuing a slim physique are not the same thing. I feel it's important to celebrate healthy bodies that don't fit the very narrow "look" that is marketed as "healthy."



 And yeah, what she said!



Quote:
Originally Posted by littlest birds View Post

True, CI Mama.  Of course the fact is some women have a huge uphill with weight as the very first step of being healthy, some have a minor challenge with weight, and some do not have to worry about weight as a central issue for their health or appearance.  They still need to care about being healthier but it doesn't take the same kind of effort.

 

When you are noticeably overweight/obese it is the first thing you see of your own physical fitness and what you know others will also notice first.  It is the first aspect of your health you need to think about when trying to improve your health.  When you are "naturally" slender you may have the luxury of thinking nothing about pounds and being able to step past that concern and address your other health needs instead.  Partly this is just the result of luck.  So I may be aware that I feel flabby and weak if I let myself go, but due to my luck I never actually get fat even when my behaviors are not healthy.  My appearance could be better but I think I still look great--as any overweight person can tell you they would consider themselves fortunate if they could be a healthy weight and out of shape and start from there with getting healthy.  I sometimes see women carrying a lot of weight apparently making lots of effort and healthier choices than me but not making progress. 

 

Yes, it takes a lot more than weight loss to be healthy, but it stinks to have weight be at the forefront all the time.  We certainly don't all face the same thing with this, and "working at it" ends up demanding a whole lot more effort from some people than from others and still can get less satisfying results.  I don't know why.  


yeahthat.gif

post #49 of 117

I need to lose probably 70 pounds.  I'm a food addict.  Food is a serious obsession with me.  If I'm not thinking about food, I'm probably eating.  I don't even ENJOY eating anymore.  Quite frankly, if I could never eat or cook or think about food again without it killing me, I'd be the happiest person on earth.  A girl in 7th grade once said she doesn't like food or eating and I thought that was the weirdest thing in the world and figured she must be anorexic (looking back, I was probably right actually) but now I fully understand just what she meant.  Food controls my life just as it probably controlled hers.  While I'm binging, she was avoiding... different symptoms to the same problem.

 

I think food allergies or intolerences play a role in my problem (and I'll be looking into this fructose thing too) but I also know I've suffered from depression most of my life (since at least 6 is my best guess) and that my mom had some serious disordered eating too.  she eventually had gastric bypass surgery and is MUCH better about food (however she still has an addiction to cigarettes although she quit for a year and I fear she is on her way to being an alcoholic although its nowhere near bad enough yet for me to have any footing in that accusation) and I'm still struggling to get to that healthy place she found about food.

 

I also think protein has to do with it.  When I eat more protein.. at LEAST 20g per meal, I am a bit better about eating.  minimum of 60g of protein a day can be hard to achieve but I need it I think.  I also do better when I have a smoothie every day filled with all sorts of healthy stuff (including plenty of hemp protein)  I would love to be vegan... ethically I feel I should be, but I don't think I could ever get enough protein for my needs.  I'd wager a lot of people who struggle with food might have higher protein needs as well.  The best breakfast I can have is bacon (at least two strips) a couple eggs with spinach and shitake mushrooms cooked in a bit of the bacon grease and a smoothie made with kefer and greens and frozen berries, hemp protein, a green superfoods powder and avocado.  It sounds like a lot of food and bacon doesn't sound healthy to me but eating that makes it a lot easier not to have crap snacks.  I have a lot easier time saying no rather than suddenly craving anything I can possibly get my hands on and scarfing it down.  Food literally is a drug for me and I will get a bit crazed.  Protein helps me from getting to that crazed point.

 

my grandma and aunt don't struggle with weight quite in the same way I do and my mom did so although genetics are part of it, I think it is fair to say there are underlying health issues.  Deficiencies in different things that we need higher amounts of than others... we also have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism (although I'm positive mine, and probably my mom's, is caused by other issues such as food allergies/intolerences and deficiencies in things like vit D that affect the immune system) which makes it hard to lose weight even if you are eating well (but like I said, 'well' is different for each person) and exercising.  In fact, losing weight IS hard for me... I lose weight best by not eating at all (I lost 6-8 pounds when I couldn't eat for a week from being sick... I wasn't even throwing up and I was drinking lots of water and coconut water and tea with honey) which is of course NOT healthy at all.... especially because I gained it all back within two days once I resumed eating again... and I was still eating half what I normally do.  I know my biological father is pretty thin as well... genetics only play so much into it when we really don't know enough about how our bodies work to be sure we are actually meeting our body's food and exercise needs.  Some people NEED to work out at least 6 hours a week.. some people NEED to avoid meat... unfortunately there is just no one right way to eat which makes it really hard to find the right set of rules to follow to get the most out of our bodies.

post #50 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

Weight is such a loaded issue. And of course the reasons behind any single individual's weight are always more complex than many would like to credit.

With that being said I think not enough credence is being given in this discussion to genetics. I know lots of thin people, and none of them seem to care much about working out or monitoring their eating. Maybe my perception of thinness is different than most people? I don't know. (I DO know that someone upthread mentioned that they feel fat when in a size 12 which makes me dizzy.gif. To me a size 12 is no place close to fat.) Someone else upthread stated they didn't think it was genetics because they were thin while their sisters were not. So what? Let me use my husband as an example. He is a freaking rail...to the point where finding clothes that actually fit his 6'4" 160lb-on-a-heavy-day frame is impossible. He eats like a horse. He can eat anything he wants, as much as he wants and you will never see it on his frame. He also does not exercise and never has. His sister's body type is completely different, as with both of his parents. Who knows where he gets his metabolism, but its certainly not due to any diligence on his part. Totally genetic.

Also, so much of the way we perceive body image is instilled by the media and by our families. I think changing one's perception should often come before changing one's weight. The threads on MDC that burn me the most are the ones where PP moms are talking about how to diet to loose that "extra baby weight". THAT is unhealthy if you ask me. Bodies keep extra weight after a baby for a reason. Feeling one needs to look thin after having a child is one example of an unhealthy focus on weight over health.

To the PP who does not "obsess" about food but won't eat ketchup because its "empty calories"...well in my world that is a level of attention that would make me uncomfortable. For me the more I think about the relative "value" of what I eat the more I get stressed about food and eating. Screw that. So I made a compromise with myself: Stop or limit the crappy stuff like sugar and then eat whatever I want however much I want of the real food. And if I am seriously craving sugar I will eat that too (this never happens anymore though). Its pretty much the Michael Pollan approach and it does me well.

One last thing. If you are regulating your diet and exercising simply to make sure you are skinny enough "look good" in a bikini than your priorities are wacked. Sorry shrug.gif. If you like bikinis wear one no matter how you think you look please. This latter is going to be the catalyst that changes our social phobia about looking at real bodies...NOT the former. I'm willing to bet that most of the posters to this thread have perfectly healthy bodies, so its really not so much a health issue as a social one.

ALright off my box soapbox.gif


Yes, the idea that overweight is a character flaw is the dominant one. DH and I were just discussing last night about his father, who maybe had a few extra pounds but no big deal. But his father would go on and on about how easy it was to keep his weight, and it's all about moderation and self control. While shoveling in every piece of crap you can think of. Apparently the man sprinkled sugar on his ice cream. Had a whole cabinet FULL of Twinkies and all - not just a few but a whole store of crap. What is this self control that his father was exercising? Easy to credit himself with having a little self control when he didn't even need to use an ounce of it.

 

Whereas another person, my mother comes to mind, will just about starve and forever be overweight. I remember growing up and seeing her eat a cup (cup, not bowl) of soup for lunch, and a salad for dinner. And she'd go to the doctor and the doctor would yell at her for being such a pig.

 

So people like DH's father think people must be such pigs because they can eat all the crap they want and not gain anything - so that means everyone else must be absolutely stuffing themselves full of it, long after they are full and can't eat another bite, just shoving it in for the pure gluttony of it. Maybe even getting stomachaches to get it all in. Because apparently it's "so easy" to have "a little self control."

 

Clearly there are factors like genes involved. There are also, no doubt, other factors - and even factors that are technically under our control are not necessarily our fault. When our society tells us that certain things are good for us to eat, and others are bad, is it a character flaw that we try to eat the good stuff and avoid the bad stuff even if it turns out that society was wrong?

 

I'm with you on the genetics. Since when do siblings have the exact same genes as us? When I was in high school, that's sure not what they taught us. Even something as basic as eye color proves that. You could have a family with the same mom and dad and have one kid with brown eyes, one with blue and one with green. Ah, but it's so easy to credit your own self-control when your siblings are overweight and you aren't.

 

Sorry, I'm a size 12 and I hate it. I'm not offended by your comment or anything, but it's interesting to see the perspective. I fully understand that a size 12 is not a size 24 or so - I can say I'm thinner than this woman or that woman and so on. Being thinner than X number of women doesn't remove the ball of fat from my belly, butt or thighs. It is a good question about what part of it is health and what is just looks. I don't know. I really and sincerely think I would feel better if I lost maybe even just 10 pounds - a bit less stress on my knees. Plus when I house clean, I get a backache. I just plain feel heavy when I jump or run, it takes more effort than it did when I was my "fighting weight" to do either. But it's true, it's not all about health, I am among the millions who would love to just "look" a certain way, that I have been told I should look from my friendly neighborhood movie screen or TV show.

 

I would enjoy the prize of wearing a bikini if I thought my body looked good enough. But for me it's not just a matter of losing enough fat, but also gaining enough muscle to do it. <Shrug>

post #51 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by seashells View Post




I would enjoy the prize of wearing a bikini if I thought my body looked good enough. But for me it's not just a matter of losing enough fat, but also gaining enough muscle to do it. <Shrug>


My point is really that anyone can and should wear a bikini...that should not be reserved for bodies that are considered "socially beautiful".

I think I must have a very different view of fat than most. I've been everything from a size 6 to a 14 and I have never thought of myself as fat. I gained 65 lbs when I was pregnant with DS and I never thought I was overweight. My mother is the complete opposite. When she was young she was convinced that she was ugly...but she was thin so she based all of her self worth on having a nice body. When she lost her adolescent body (when she had a baby basically) she felt she had no worth anymore. So I grew up in a household that had a huge focus on looking thin, and I guess my reaction to it was to reject that whole value system. My mom is a rather unhappy lady who still feels that "there is no point" to dating because "no man would want her" because of the way she perceives she looks. And she gets angry at men for feeling this way when its really all in her head.
post #52 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post


I think I must have a very different view of fat than most. I've been everything from a size 6 to a 14 and I have never thought of myself as fat. I gained 65 lbs when I was pregnant with DS and I never thought I was overweight. My mother is the complete opposite. When she was young she was convinced that she was ugly...but she was thin so she based all of her self worth on having a nice body. When she lost her adolescent body (when she had a baby basically) she felt she had no worth anymore. So I grew up in a household that had a huge focus on looking thin, and I guess my reaction to it was to reject that whole value system. My mom is a rather unhappy lady who still feels that "there is no point" to dating because "no man would want her" because of the way she perceives she looks. And she gets angry at men for feeling this way when its really all in her head.

 

 

I think you do have a different view, and it sounds pretty freeing and healthy :)

You're right that what you describe about your mother sounds really unhealthy.

I think I have a pretty typical mindset - not as extreme as your mother's, but I would not enjoy wearing a bikini right now. But I also feel like I have plenty of value, and my overweight is a relatively minor thing in my life.

post #53 of 117

Well, we're past the OP, and it's been answered, but my two bits, anyway:

 

I think it's a little different for everybody. I've known three people in my life who half killed themselves trying to gain weight and couldn't. One of them lost ten pounds when she was sick once. It took her over a year to put it back on, and she felt awful the whole time. But, she just couldn't put on weight. She ate quite a bit. She even went through phases of trying to minimize her exercise! It just didn't work. My ex-FIL was the same way - he ate a lot, drank too much, fed his "chocolate monster" (his term, not mine), and never put on weight...neither did my ex-SIL. Ooops - four...my ex's best buddy was the same way. So, there's definitely a genetic component to it...but how big a role that plays varies wildly from one person to another.

 

I'm obese. I have to do a lot of work to get the weight off, and there are a lot of steps involved, and I just am not there yet (psychologically). But, when I get down to my "ideal weight", I still won't be thin, to most people's eyes. I have big bones, and a short, stocky frame. I tend to bulk up a lot of muscle in my thighs and upper arms. At 5'5" (almost exactly), I feel amazing at 160-180 pounds. That's overweight, by most standards, but in that range, I feel great, so I don't care what the scales (or the freaking BMI) say about it, yk? I don't think I could be truly thin and still be heatlhy - it's just not the way I'm built.

 

But, weight challenges comein many forms. They include genetic factors. They include medical factors, such as food intolerances. They include lifestyle factors. They include psychological factors. They include sleep factors (lack of sleep is a biggie for me - I load up huge on WAY too many carbs when I'm overtired). And, the way those factors all balance is going to be a little bit different for everybody.

post #54 of 117

the comment about a cup of soup and a salad as lunch and dinner also made me think about how sometimes eating LESS can actually cause weight problems.  I was reading about how sometimes eating more (of the good stuff obviously) can actually help you lose weight.  The particular source claimed eating around 2100 calories a day as anything less starts putting the body in a state of starvation which of course means it holds on to every little bit it can and seriously slows down metabolism.  I don't know if this is true and haven't looked into it further but I thought that was a really interesting way to look at it as well... some people might actually need more than they realize and not reaching that amount and staying steady near it could be why they struggle to lose and keep off weight.  I've also read that eating the same amount every day can do it too.. that switching up how much you eat (so eating within a range of calories rather than aiming for one specific amount) can also help keep your metabolism up and your weight down.

 

basically, I think how our bodies work is a great deal more complex than anyone realizes.  EVERYTHING seems to affect it... what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat, basically any health problem seems to affect weight, sleep, people in this thread claim happiness, how much you exercise, genetics... there are SO many variables and since no one is exactly the same as another, its really really hard to find the perfect equation.

 

I don't however think it is necessarily wrong to not love your body... I don't love mine... I AM too fat and I don't feel comfortable in it.  Clothes feel weird on me because they don't sit right and ride up, My flexibility is limited by the fat rather than my muscles... liking my body would be too easy for me to not try and change it.  Sure I appreciate how different parts of my body work and I have attractive qualities but that doesn't mean I need to like being fat, nor does it mean I have problems with other people's bodies.  I don't think it is wrong for my idea of beauty for me to be thin just as I don't think it is wrong for queen Latifa (who is absolutely GORGEOUS) to love her body even though she isn't thin.  not liking MY body gives me purpose for becoming healthier which for me and my size will lead to weight loss.  Loving your body at its best even if it isn't within society's standards is different from loving your body when it simply isn't healthy and definitely not at its best.  I'm okay not being model thin... I'm not okay with having enough fat on my back that I don't have full mobility of my arms because the rolls of fat run into each other.

post #55 of 117
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Edited by kristandthekids - 1/16/13 at 8:05pm
post #56 of 117

For me, beauty is not in a size 2 jean. I think beauty is in whatever is the natural figure for the woman. We are all unique and completely individual, there is no one else like us out there (unless you're an identical twin!) I often get asked the secret to how I stay so thin. I'm a hair under 5'8" and I'm about 145 pounds. My stomach will never be bikini ready again after these babes but I'm thin enough for my size 8 jeans and size small shirts at old navy. Personally, I think I'm a bit on the small size and I don't do anything to control my diet or deprive myself in any way. I do follow a very specific diet for health reasons... but otherwise there's no binging and purging going on here. I was however at one point 186 pounds!!! I couldn't loose it no mater how much I worked out. I switched to a vegetarian diet and the weight just started falling off of me. I lost roughly 30 pounds, did a little up and down there at my smallest point and now I'm settled at the size I am now and I do absolutely nothing. That said though ladies, I am not big in junk food and I dont eat fried foods (they give me a stomach ache) I don't each chocolate (again, the special diet) and ice cream makes me feel sick. I eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables and a ton of whole grains. I'm happy with my body, even if I wish I could staple my chest a little higher and plastic wrap my mid section.

post #57 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristandthekids View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl View Post

I never thought of ketchup as a crap food choice.  It probably is though.  And whatever it is that I am dipping in ketchup.
That's the kind of stuff I mean when I say "Start thinking about a food's purpose in your diet."

Start reading labels. Ketchup is nothing but tomatoes and sugar. What value is it adding?
Ketchup on some eggs is such a little thing. But all those little things add up. Giving up HP Sauce with a toddler was a big chore in my home, but we kicked it and don't miss it anymore. These tiny changes can help get the snowball rolling towards a more healthy diet.

Or you could make your own darn ketchup (TF style) and stop stressing about it all together. Tomatoes are a food group in this house...and perfectly healthy when done properly.

Food's purpose in my life is to make me happy shrug.gif.
post #58 of 117
If lack of ketchup is all it took to stress someone, I would wonder if they're really happy.

I googled Homemade Ketchup and everything I found still involved sugar. I'll stick with my stress-free fresh tomatoes. I like it when my food still tastes like food.
post #59 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristandthekids View Post

If lack of ketchup is all it took to stress someone, I would wonder if they're really happy.

I googled Homemade Ketchup and everything I found still involved sugar. I'll stick with my stress-free fresh tomatoes. I like it when my food still tastes like food.

Hmmm... I think you missed my point which is like many things ketchup is perfectly healthy if you make it at home. Traditional Foods recipes usually don't use sugar but rather maple syrup or honey as a sweetener (and not usually much of that). Here is a thread (oldish but relevant) on the Traditional Foods board if you are interested.

I'm not stressed by lack of ketchup (no lack here lol), but it sounds like your family was, and I am suggesting that it is ok to have certain loved foods in moderation, regardless of their "purpose". I guess the thought of looking at my food intake as some kind of zero-sum game seems an unhealthy way to approach eating to me. But then as I stated upthread changing the way I eat for the sake of improving my body image (ie. needing to be a size zero so I feel like I can wear a bikini) is not a big motivator for me. In fact I find it rather perplexing.
post #60 of 117
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Edited by kristandthekids - 1/16/13 at 8:00pm
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