Almost had our first "scary" conversation

[physmom]

and I really don't think I'm prepared!  DD almost realized yesterday that the chicken that we eat was the same as her little chicken toys! I was sitting there with one of those grilled chickens in a plastic bag and she asked me what it was so I said chicken.  Then she went and got one of her little toy chickens and kept saying chicken and looking at the bag very curiously.  I avoided the conversation by not letting her look inside the bag (we were leaving the apt at that time anyways) but this hasn't be the first time that she got close to realizing it.  She's a pretty sensitive kid and I'm pretty sure she'd really freak out if she figured it out... I'm not sure how to handle it exactly, any thoughts?

[laohaire]

I know some kids probably do freak out. But I think the best approach is always matter of fact. I don't think hiding stuff is a really good approach no matter how sensitive your kid is. But I can totally understand the impulse.

This topic was a little awkward for me and DH. We were both ethical vegetarians for many years (10 for me, 15 for him). So we are very sensitive about it ourselves. However, and this is obviously of no help to you, we've found that DD is not exactly a natural vegetarian. She can look at a live chicken running around the barnyard and say Yum.

But, speaking of which, I think visits to local, pasture-based farms are a good way to teach about this. And, may I shamelessly encourage you to buy your meat from those farms as well? :)

[physmom]

Yeah, normally, I'm pretty matter of fact about things but for some reason this one really scared me!  She just loves animals so much so I didn't need how she'd handle it.  Ironically, I actually used to be a vegetarian too but thanks to pregnancy/nursing I started having crazy cravings for meat and ended up eating meat again. 

I'd love to be able to go to local farms, etc to buy meat.  Unfortunately, we're currently living in a not so nice neighborhood (staying with the in-laws for a month) in a new country so at this point we're lucky to be able to go to the post office! Plus we have to rely on public transport too that doesn't have AC, which means it doesn't work well with my morning sickness.  Hopefully once we move into our own place we can find better food (actually the food, in general, has been a HUGE issue for me but that's another post all together...).
 

Originally Posted by laohaire 

I know some kids probably do freak out. But I think the best approach is always matter of fact. I don't think hiding stuff is a really good approach no matter how sensitive your kid is. But I can totally understand the impulse.

This topic was a little awkward for me and DH. We were both ethical vegetarians for many years (10 for me, 15 for him). So we are very sensitive about it ourselves. However, and this is obviously of no help to you, we've found that DD is not exactly a natural vegetarian. She can look at a live chicken running around the barnyard and say Yum.

But, speaking of which, I think visits to local, pasture-based farms are a good way to teach about this. And, may I shamelessly encourage you to buy your meat from those farms as well? :)

[Daffodil]

I'd handle it by matter-of-factly telling her that, yes, that food came from a chicken - that people kill chickens and cook their meat to eat it.  Like chickens kill bugs and eat them.  I think the earlier kids get this information, the less of a shock it is.  No matter how sensitive she is, if she's only 2 she's not going to spend a lot of time empathizing with the chicken and reflecting on the moral implications of eating grilled chicken.  Not as much as she'll be capable of when she's older, anyway.  She's going to be more freaked out about it when she's older, not less - unless by then it's already old news and that keeps her from dwelling on it so much.

[laohaire]

I wonder if it would help you to work up to it. You can start by talking about food that animals eat. What does a cow/sheep eat? Pigs? Then lions... etc.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Daffodil 

I'd handle it by matter-of-factly telling her that, yes, that food came from a chicken - that people kill chickens and cook their meat to eat it.  Like chickens kill bugs and eat them.  I think the earlier kids get this information, the less of a shock it is.  No matter how sensitive she is, if she's only 2 she's not going to spend a lot of time empathizing with the chicken and reflecting on the moral implications of eating grilled chicken.  Not as much as she'll be capable of when she's older, anyway.  She's going to be more freaked out about it when she's older, not less - unless by then it's already old news and that keeps her from dwelling on it so much.

This. DS seems to understand that some people eat animals, real animals just like his toys or his pets etc. He doesn't seem too phased by it at this point, to be honest -- he's only 23mos so I don't really think he 'feels bad' for the animals or anything, though I think he'd be quite upset if he learned this all a few years from now. One phrase he says constantly lately is, "Daddy eats cows" -- he's very intrigued by it (DS & I eat vegan, DH occasionally eats meat when out somewhere). We talk a lot about how everyone eats different things, and also how cows drink cow milk, pigs drink pig milk, babies drink Mommy milk... We've talked about eating bugs and how some people think they're great to eat but I think they're yucky, etc.

[rubidoux]

I really worried about this with older ds bc my husband is allergic to chicken and some fish, which are the only meats that we eat that you refer to by name of animal, so we don't eat them much at home.  The others are steak, hamburger, a roast, pork, ham, bacon, sausage, etc.  And ds1 loves salmon, but I wasn't sure he realized that was a fish.  I think for him it was more of a slow realization than something that he suddenly found out and he never seemed too upset by it, though we have talked about how yucky it is that some ads and cartoons make light of it, like I think chick-fil-A had an add campaign with cows who were sending people to eat the chickens or something, and ds thought that was in poor taste.  

[carmel23]

We had chickens (egg layers) as pets and ate chicken.  Some times my kids would become vegetarians because they didn't like that we were eating animals.... but that usually only lasted until dinner time.  We have close relative that are vegan, so we talk about this all the time.  But my kids have observed our chickens eating bugs, snakes eating mice, lizards eating crickets.  We respect the life of the animal and do exactly what you said--we make an effort to visit farms and know where our food comes from...

I wouldn't assume that a child would freak out just because they realize that they are eating an animal.  Some do, some don't. 

[Tigerle]

DS has been wondering about the fish or the pig not wanting to be eaten, just like we would not want to be eaten by someone else. I explained about food chains, it seemed to satisfy him for the moment. For some reason he hasn't taken the step to not want to eat the meat. I am glad, it is the absolutely easiest way to get the proetin in to this diet he needs to keep uo his blood sugar.

[carmel23]

This reminds me of when we were walking in the huge urban park by our house. My DD was about 2.5 years old.  We found a dead crow.  She was very interested in it--she didn't want to leave the dead crow and continue our walk.  We talked about dead animals for a long time.  Eventually we went on our way.  For like a week she wanted to go back to see the dead crow, and even now at 4 she remembers the dead crow whenever we walk by that spot....

[physmom]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement to just be direct with her.  I really should just talk to her directly. We talk about dinosaurs a lot and she even has a book about how T-rex eats other dinosaurs (not like in a gross way but there's one chasing small dinosaurs with his mouth open).  Although then sometimes she freaks out that T-rex is going to come and eat her.  I've tried to explain to her that dinosaurs are extinct but that's a concept that she's just not ready for (or maybe I didn't explain it very well?).  We've seen dinosaurs in person  so she knows they don't move or anything but she has a strange love-hat relationship with T-rex and wants to know more about how it eats meat but is also very scared by it too.  It's like a scab that she can't help picking, you know what I mean? 

We've also talked about different types of animals as in I was explaining today that dinosaurs, birds, and reptiles are not mammals so they don't nurse but other animals like cats/dogs etc nurse (that part she's very familiar with already).  However, after talking about that she then started screaming "DD NOT a mammal!!" while at the same time asking if she could nurse

[A-time-to-live]

My DD is also very sensitive but this does not bother her. In fact she is fascinated by which animals people eat. On occasion, when reading a book about animals, she will ask first me and then DH whether we eat each animal. She also is well aware that eggs come from hens, milk comes from cows, etc. I am glad that she knows where her food comes from. I worried more that stories like "The Gingerbread Man" might upset her but in fact that is currently one of her favorite bedtime stories.

[nettlesoup]

I've always told my daughter where our meat comes from matter of factly. She's 23 months old now and will say 'Pig' when she eats bacon, or 'Moo' when she's eating beef. She also knows that the chicken we eat is the same as the chickens in our garden. It doesn't seem to bother her at all, especially as it is natural and a way of life.

I think it's important that they know exactly where their food comes from, from a young age.

[Anastasiya]

We've always told them where the food comes from, and make it real and very matter of fact. Sometimes even humorous.

Real: Yep! That's a chicken. Mommy's eating a chicken. And yep! That's a cow. Daddys' eating a cow.

Matter of Fact: Yes, we eat chickens. People grow chickens, then they kill them, then we eat them. No, this chicken does not have a head. They cut the head off. Yes, the feathers too. And the wings. And the legs.

Humor: Why do they cut the chicken's head off? Would you want to eat a chicken head and chicken eyeballs and swallow up a sharp chicken beak? Didn't think so. :)

My kids always loved asking questions about that, and have never been traumatized by learning about what their food used to be.

[shnitzel]

DD figured it out herself a few months ago at 17 months. We were home visiting my family and the neighbours have chickens in their yard so she got to see live chickens and a few days later I was prepping a whole chicken to roast and she lit up and started saying "cluck cluck" and petting the chicken which really was quite disturbing at the time. Now she calls all chicken that we eat "cluck cluck" and happily eats them. She's only 19 months so I don't know how deeply she can process.

[lifeguard]

At this age they tend to take things pretty matter of factly. Recently my Mom's cat caught a mouse & ds watched him sit on the deck & eat it. My Mom was really concerned he would be upset but he very plainly stated that the cat ate the mouse & asked he wanted more. I would have not liked watching it myself.

[meemee]

when you talk directly to her just answer her questions. dont say anything else but wait. this is not a one time deal. she is going to ask and then mull over it and then ask some more. so i would never volunteer any extra info. usually with those kind of situations i find my own 'ideas' make dd's questions seem bigger than they actually are. 

[plantnerd]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

At this age they tend to take things pretty matter of factly. Recently my Mom's cat caught a mouse & ds watched him sit on the deck & eat it. My Mom was really concerned he would be upset but he very plainly stated that the cat ate the mouse & asked he wanted more. I would have not liked watching it myself.

That's funny.  I remember as a kid seeing one of the cats eating a mouse and it was the most fascinating thing.  I think it's all I talked about for days!  "Mommy, she even ate the whole butt!" 

[diana_of_the_dunes]

I've been wondering about this one a bit...  DS is 16 months old, and we have egg-laying hens in our backyard.  He calls them "ticks", probably because when I when I taken them food, I call "chick, chick" to get them to come.  It didn't really hit me that we'd ever have to have "the conversation" until one day we were eating a pizza with chicken on it.  DH asks DS if he wants a piece of chicken, and DS says, "tick?"  I'm honestly more worried that he may try to take a bite out of the chickens in the yard than that he would be traumatized.

While we don't routinely kill our egg-layers, we have lost 2 this winter due to dag attacks.  Both times the dog only chewed on the chicken's neck a bit...  So I brought the chicken inside and removed the meat.  Why let it go to waste?  I do wonder how this would have gone if DS had been a year or so older.  I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to find out, since we plan on becoming even more self-sufficient in the future. 

I do agree with all the PPs who said that it's important for kids to know where their food comes from, and that it was once alive.  Whether it's a vegetable, fruit, or animal.  My nieces and nephews were absolutely amazed that I could take tomatoes out of the garden and turn them into pasta sauce.  And they're about 10 years old!  They never were taught that a tomato grows on a plant, and that tomatoes were in spaghetti sauce.  Lord only knows what would happen if we told them that the hamburger they're eating was once a cow!

[sapphire_chan]

As a kid, I stopped eating foods as I found out they were from animals, and finally went vegetarian age 10 for 19 years. I told dd that beef is from cows and she cheerily said "Cow? Moooo Moooo!! Yum!" and took another bite. Different personalities, different results.