I have been following this DDC mostly, though today is my due date so I am kind of in between Jan and Feb. I never posted my stats because I didn't regularly start reading in here until a few months ago and just never got around to it. I've had a long terrible couple of days. I thought my water broke days ago so my MW and I tried to get things going but never could, we tried some cohoshes and castor oil both of which failed. Yesterday I did an amnio swab and it was negative so I decided to just conclude that the original leak was something else and baby wasn't ready. After letting go of the possibility of this baby coming anytime soon I had several hours of painful, four minute apart one minute long contractions yesterday and then they fizzled.
Then today I woke up at 10 to a small leak that eventually turned into huge gushes. It is is 2:16 now and I am still not having any big contractions but I am pouring water everywhere. I was a stretchy 4/5 and 80% effaced yesterday so I thought when this finally happened everything would just go as planned and be over very quickly. It isn't looking that way. I can't even get excited. My DH just fell asleep a few minutes ago. He was crying before that, he says because he misses our other kids who have been at babysitters for two days but I think he is just exhausted with this roller coaster we have been on since Thursday. My midwife and doula are stuck two hours away because of a terrible storm complete with tornado warnings. My mom was a complete drag when I called and tried to talk to her. She told me I just need to give up and go to the hospital where we will be safe. She has been saying this for days just because she knew how dilated I was. Hell she has been saying that for months or just avoiding the conversation all together. I can't talk to her about this baby at all. I wish I had never told her anything.
I have been waiting for ten months and now all I want to do is cry. I wish that I was sleepy so I could just skip some of these hours of my life all together. I know it has only been four hours but the way things are playing out right now I don't think this is ever going to happen for me. I am ready to just give up and go to the hospital for an induction already because of all the negative energy and the fact that I have been through so much disappointment in the last few days. I know my MW will call soon to check on me and I don't even want to talk to her. I don't want to talk to anyone. What the heck is wrong with me? None of my other labors were anything like this. Everything was always text book and I was certainly never sad when things started to happen. I just keep thinking that labor is never going to start on its own and I can't get that out of my head.