Edited by GMum - 3/11/14 at 9:05pm
I would move back to be closer to family. I've stayed in the same town my whole life to be close to family. DH and I could have moved but made the choice to raise our children around their large extended family. Can you stay with your family until you get on your feet in the new country?
Oh Dear! Huge HUGS! I am-right-here-with you!!! I am in Honolulu bound to East Coast some where? And not into getting into the Southern life that is where two dear members of my family are. I face intolerence! It is something so real, that my sis there (on a mini farm with a custom home!) said, "LOOK! I KNOW what you are thinking, facing, hoping for! And I have wanted to move from here since forever! But DH has a stable job and such, so that is why we love it here now." They found their homeschooling clan and everything. We are jumping into a un-found class B RV and going to figure it out on 3/3... so much more to my story... DH's fam - just like your In-laws so.. but they live in more of an organic land.. Hard.. hard!
I have a tiny bit of advice...Living here in Honolulu has shown me how powerful it is to take care of our ohana through their oldest of ages. It is something that my mother (DH's parents are gone now) is going to really bank on, We see how much children here learn to take care of their own parents just by seeing other's do it. It is something good for your own security! Are we going to be picky? Not really.. I mean I think we will be fair and stand tall.. some places like NYC we might shreak.. but really.. The opportunity to be around our kids will make us live longer and happier! We will be their for them and teach them (through homeschooling) that the family/community is the route to love and prosperity... we are going all in!
I think it takes a lot for us to go back to un-crunchy places and clans! I totally agree that my health, happiness, everything has been tons enriched in Honolulu.
I hope that you start to think way outside the box. Like finding a duplex for sale that you could rent out for half the year and travel? Do other things? And your parents can be on the other side? These little things... planning for the future and how you can both be happy!
It is something that my mother is facing.. she is still pretty young.. but I think she is very interested in where I am moving because she loves my kids so much... I worry about her all the time alone.. I want to love her so much! The thing is.. she is kind of attracted to the cheapest places... not into all the kinds of things I love to do.. It is hard.. I am trying to get her to travel more north.. but the NC is holding her because of my sister... sadly a sis that will probably not think about the elderly years like I do? Not sure? I also am trying to find a way to open a door so that my mom can stay at both of our homes half time!
My town dreams are just like yours!!!! I am hoping to rock out in an van/RV, with lots of interesting maps at my side and find our tribe!
Saying goodbye (crying) it is the worst feeling in the whole world.. 10 years..20-30 (DH is 45)... I love Hawaii! I still am so scared! But time goes by.. and by.. and then bye.. so.. I know.. and you have to go..
Cheers! To Loving Grandparents!
Edited by greenacresmama - 2/2/11 at 4:00pm
It's a very small town about an hour from anything so the biggest sacrifices have been options. There are not a lot of educational options or extra activities for the kids. We have a very close family with not a lot of drama but when there is drama it's right there in your face. My parents live next door so when my sisters have problems I can't really get away from it and hide in my own world. The advantages are much more than the disadvantages. My children, in 12 years of parenting, have never been left with anyone but family even when I worked full time. I have lots of support. My kids see their grandparents everyday. They have aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, grandparents and great grandparents and cousins that they all see regularly.
Granula Mum, I just spoke to my BF yesterday... I pushed her to move to Salt Lake City.. They have so much family there. I saw other things groovy about the place and I told her to go for it! She talked on and on and on yesterday about how wonderful it is. She moved 30 minutes away from her parents. Her ***Brother** and his wife and child just moved into the duplex right next door! She said she puts the kids to bed, brings over the baby monitor and then goes on a date :O ! How cool is that? She thanked me tons.. for her I knew it would be a special place.. she is very loving and into the highest good.. wow.. she is living my dream!
On a side note.. my family mostly has showed me (hinted) that 30 minutes is just the right amount of space for living distance. I am not sure all of us have the same kind of outlook. DH and I would be totally into a family compound. Or for everyone to agree on a cool walkable small town that we could all afford together. I am so into families going into something like this. It makes perfect sense to me.
Edited by greenacresmama - 2/3/11 at 4:00pm
I don't have any advice, but I have a lot of sympathy for your situation. My family lives in Arkansas, and they get enough airmiles for me and my husband to go visit every year or two, but that's not enough now that I have a neice . . . and really won't be when I have a baby who I want to know his/her grandparents. We're talking about shuttling back and forth every year, spending a few months down there maybe every year. We would have to build a little shack on my parents' land. Your situation is definitely harder with the price of housing and the job market in the UK right now. I'm pulling for you, hoping you can find some way to make it work for you!
We are also thinking about this. Maybe in a RV.... would love a "build a guest home here" invite though. We are also thinking of how to stay in a vacation rental.. even thinking the months of Jan-March because it doesn't seem like a whole lot is going on. Not sure though because it may mean that is when the homeschoolers get busy planning around us? Also thinking of maybe just spending those winter months educating my kids (much younger) with my sister's kids? Thoughts are kind of everywhere. It does seem like the perfect kind of months (or maybe Thanksgiving on through Christmas) to be doing projects with sister and having plenty of time to hang out.
We live close to some family and far away from some family. It is incredible to have family close by, both for support and for the children to have relationships with them. Sometimes I dream of moving someplace new and exciting and starting all over (like Canada! Honolulu! UK! those all sound amazing!) but in the end, we stay here. I feel like it provides a sense of stability and of home for the kids, and that feels important to us because both DH and I grew up moving around a lot.
Good luck with your decision! I would consider doing it now and not waiting though, time goes by so quickly!
We've done it and most of the time I don't regret it. Both my DH and I we are from the same country in Europe, moved to US 14-15 years ago and had a great, productive life. Once our children were born we started to miss our families, the occasional help, having them around for holidays and celebrations. With me staying home it became almost impossible financially to visit them and for them as well it was quite expensive to make the trip.
Unfortunately we could not go back to our country mostly because of economic hardship, corruption, etc so we settled to move anywhere in Europe where my DH could find a similar job to the one he had in US. It was just pure luck that his company has a branch in Belgium, and here we are now. It's a new environment, new language, new everything, but it's so much closer to our families, we visit more often, they can come as well and the children can actually have a relationship with their grandparents.
Was it easy to move and get settled here? No. Do we miss US? Yes, yes and yes. But, we do enjoy life here and we try to look at the positives and the bright side (or sunny in grim Belgium) of things. We feel it's the best option for our situation and the best arrangement for our children. I could say in your situation it would be easier to transition, given that you would be going in a familiar (to you) environment, you know the language, customs, etc. But it would not neccesary be true, it's still a new place for your DH and children, still an adaptation and settling process for you as a family not to mention the financial effort it would entail. If you think of not ever moving back, how do you feel?
Good luck with your decision, it's not an easy one to make.