help - quick - I need a pep talk. DS and I at stalemate

[Boot]

Basically DS (3 3/4) and I are really tired. Neither of us got enough sleep last night. He wouldn't let me leave him at preschool (an ongoing issue) and I had to bring him home with me. He had a reasonable morning with outdoor time and play with 2 other children but he balked at rest time. I had to leave his door open but he was playing well until I had to put his little sister down for her nap. Then, of course, he saw me through the open door and wanted me to play with him. I said I could play for 5 minutes but then I had things to do. After 5 minutes he started insisting that I stay for 'just a little bit longer' but this the pattern at preschool and it is never enough so I said I had to go and shut his door. Cue shouting, banging, etc that woke his sister up. She wouldn't go back down so I got her up and thought, well, I'll just go in and play with him, only to find he had trashed his room. I said I would help him clean up but that he had to do it too. He tried to start up a long discussion about it but I wasn't in the mood so left him in his room again and said I would come back when he was ready to clean up with me. This was repeated a couple of times and at last he said he was ready to clean up so I started on one side of the room and he put about 2 things away (I had only given him one small, managable job). Then he started playing again and saying things like 'I'll clean up when you've put all 'your' things way'. At that point I left him again and said I would be back when he was ready to clean up properly. So here we are. He's calling me now so I'll go up but if anyone wants to weigh in please do. Otherwise, thanks for the therapy of writing this out! 

[Boot]

well, I went up and he hadn't done any more and said it was 'too hard work' to do anything. I told him he needed to complete the small job he had been given (picking up the pieces of a construction set) and then I would come up and help. He is yelling for me again but I know he hasn't done the job yet. I know I'm not handling this well but I'm too tired to think of anything else to do. 

[marinak1977]

wish I had any advice

[Boot]

Well, we got through it by me summoning up enough energy to enthusiastically count to 10 while he picked up his share. It didn't actually work but then he suggested I count to 20 and that did the trick. I picked up everything else and then while I was putting the baskets on the shelf he emptied the laundry basket onto the floor. I basically yelled at him to clean it all up by the time I counted to 10 'or else' and he did. We came downstairs and I was just about to lose it at him again when the neighbour came to invite him round. Hallelujah! I texted DH and said I NEED him to be on with the kids when he gets home so I can take a bath. Usually he takes time for himself when he gets home but today it's all about ME. Thanks for listening. 

[mnj77]

My almost-4-year-old (usually very easy-going) had a similar crazy moment the other day that culminated in her running away from me in the parking lot at the mall.  I started googling and found this.  It made me feel better :)

"Before you know it, the somewhat calm child of three becomes a dynamo of energy, drive, bossiness, belligerence, and generally out-of-bounds behavior. You may be reminded of the earlier trials and tribulations you went through when he was two. Also obvious during this time is the tremendous spurt of imaginative ideas that spring from children’s minds and mouths. All of this behavior and thinking will help your youngster build a secure foundation as he emerges into the world of kindergarten."

ETA:  I hope you got your bath!

[ssh]

Have you tried letting him do a quiet activity, maybe painting, instead of resting in his room? My DD is 5 and still has problems with cleaning up toys by herself. She can pick up the living room, clean off the table after meals, dust, hand me stuff out of grocery bags, clean up after painting, wipe down the table or counter and get things for me while I'm cooking, but she can't pick up her toys in her room. If I'm picking up her toys, she can put specific things away when I hand them to her. But if it's her toys she just plays with them. It's easier to give her tasks she will do and tidy her toys up myself. DD goes to a co-op preschool and if she wanted me to stay with her it's ok. Last year one of her classmates' mother stayed most days until the last couple of months, and I stayed about 3 times. My DD still likes playing in the same room that I'm in sometimes and if I ever put her in her room and shut the door, she'd probably throw a tantrum too. She shuts her door herself all the time.