Need help getting 3.5 month old to sleep (and staying asleep)

[jo200]

My daughter is 3.5 months and she's never been a very good sleeper. Even as a newborn we could never set her down to sleep on her own. She'd wake up right away. I was usually happy enough to hold her or put her in the wrap or sling for naps, but after almost 4 months of this I can't do it anymore. At least not all of the time... My back is killing me and I feel like I need some time to myself while she naps for my own sanity.

The problem is that once I get her to sleep and try to set her down, she wakes up right away and starts crying. I've tried holding her for up to 30 minutes before setting her down, doing it extremely slowly, swaddling, but nothing really seems to work. Every once in a while I am able to set her down without her waking, but it's rare. Most of the time it takes her a long time to fall asleep too, so we just go though his terrible cycle of getting her to sleep, trying to put her down, her waking up upset, and starting all over again.

I can usually get her to sleep nursing, but I can't side-lying nurse her in bed and sneak away because she has reflux. So she needs to either be held upright for awhile after nursing or put to sleep on an incline (we have a Nap Nanny and I elevated the head of the cosleeper). At night we cosleep and after I come to bed I let her sleep propped up on my arm or shoulder, but this is getting really uncomfortable.

The other problem is that she still wakes up frequently. I know some of this is due to the reflux and we want to try giving her medication for it, but she also wakes up other times as well. She rarely sleeps more than 2 hours at a time at night and during the day she often won't sleep longer than 30-40 minutes. She's exhausted though, so it's not that she just needs a short amount of sleep.

I've gone almost 4 months without sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, and I really can't take it much longer. I can hardly function during the day and I'm certainly not being the mom I'd like to be. My days and nights revolve around getting my daughter to sleep and it's literally all I think about. After a few hours of trying to get her to sleep I get so frustrated and sometimes I've even yelled at her which I immediately regret. She's just a tired baby, and I'm sure she'd like some sleep but I don't know what to do. Do I start letting her cry to sleep with me next to her? I did this once and it took a long time for her to fall asleep, but I'm out of ideas. I don't think she's going to just outgrow it.

[APToddlerMama]

She will outgrow it, mama.  It just doesn't feel like that right now.  Have you read No Cry Sleep Solution?  The book made a huge difference for us.  good luck.

[jo200]

Yes I've read No Cry Sleep Solution and I like the idea of it, but I'm not sure how I can use it if I don't have a way to actually get my daughter to sleep without holding her.

I'm just beyond exhausted at this point and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't want to do anything I'll regret, but I can't think of any more options besides letting her cry herself to sleep with me next to her.

[cristeen]

Have you ruled out food sensitivities? I know they can cause sleep disturbances. My guy's older, but when we cut dairy, he started sleeping a 5 hr stretch within days (max 3 hrs before that). Reflux can also be caused by sensitivities.

Some kids cannot be put down. Ever. Since its impacting you so greatly, i would suggest asking someone (DH, BFF, Grandma) to come watch the babe for 6 hrs. Pump a few bottles worth (might take a few days if you dont normally pump), and just go sleep while someine else deals. If your house isnt big enough to manage, drop baby off or get a hotel room. Yes, it sucks, but when its a matter of sanity Or this... Easy choice, IMO.

I will tell you though that if you dont think you can do the above, try other things. A swing a bouncy seat, whatever it takes (ask around to borrow or check CL). I know the first 6 mos were a sleep dep fog for me. And somewhere around 6 mos I adjusted.

I'd also look to your diet. If you're not getting enough fat and protein while nursing, the sleep dep is that much more difficult to deal with.

[APToddlerMama]

You may not be able to, at least not yet, but if you try some of the other ideas in the book, you will probably have her start sleeping longer stretches at night which might make you feel less desperate. 

My son had reflux TERRIBLY.  I second the suggestion to look at foods, especially dairy.  When he was 20 months old, we finally cut dairy... 24-48 hours later, he was a different kid.  It doesn't always work that fast.  I cannot believe I hadn't tried it.  It had been suggested but we just blew it off.  Turns out, he has lots of food allergies/sensitivities, but dairy was the biggie. 

Good luck.  It does get better.  Don't do anything you might regret later with CIO...you will look back at this and it will be such a short period of time in your life.  Hang in there.  Get help, find support.  It does get better!

Originally Posted by jo200 

Yes I've read No Cry Sleep Solution and I like the idea of it, but I'm not sure how I can use it if I don't have a way to actually get my daughter to sleep without holding her.

I'm just beyond exhausted at this point and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't want to do anything I'll regret, but I can't think of any more options besides letting her cry herself to sleep with me next to her.

[LadyCatherine185]

((hugs)) sleep deprivation is tough.. i know! from a mama who has been there (DS1 woke every hour or more the first year of his life) it does get better!!

i would definitely look into food sensitvties. cut dairy (can take 2 weeks to get out of your system) and see if that helps. a lot of babies wake every 2 hours, and cat-nap, but i'm betting if you get the reflux under control she will sleep more peacefully and may let you puy her down.

have you tried laying her on her belly? that was the only way i could lay DS1 down... still can't lay DS2 down ;)

[jo200]

Thanks everyone. I guess it helps a bit to know others have been through the same thing. (although it doesn't make me any less tired!)

I have cut out dairy, eggs, soy, and nuts among other things and it made a huge difference with her gas pains, which used to be terrible and also keep her awake. So far it hasn't seemed to affect the reflux or general amount of time she sleeps though. Did anyone else use medication for reflux?

I've only tried setting her on her stomach once. I guess I just worry about doing it since she can't roll over on her own yet. Do you think it's ok?

[Dandelionkid]

I can't tell you if sleeping on her stomach is ok but I can tell you all of my babies slept on their stomachs from early on. It was the only way they would sleep more than a few minutes after I put them down. 

[jruck]

Have you tried a bouncy seat yet? We've had a lot of luck olding DS's hand as he falls asleep. Its enough contact to settle him but less likely to wake him up as we pull back. Another thing that has worked well for us is to cluster feed small amounts 1-2 hours before bedtime. It reduces DS's chances of spit-up but lets him store enough for a longer period of sleep. Good luck!

[vegrunr]

We are having the same issue with my 5 mo.  He slept very well as a newborn but it has been getting progressively harder to get him to sleep and to stay asleep.  We have to rock him to sleep which is fine but once we put him down he wakes right up.  Sometimes it can take over an hour to get him to sleep and finally put down.  During the day for naps if we can get him put down, he usually wakes up w/in 15 min.  I usually just hold him so he will at least sleep an hour or so (on avg.)  I read No Cry Sleep Solution but the biggest issue is getting him down in the first place.  Maybe I will try laying him down on his tummy.  He can roll over but doesn't usually do it when he's sleepy/ not on the floor playing.

[kalamos23]

I haven't personally had a baby with reflux BUT I know a lot of ladies that have and a lot of them have tried medication after cutting foods out (which did usually help but sometimes they really have reflux on top of food sensitivities). From what they have told me, I would definitely try a med - they have said it's like night and day, but sometimes you have to try a few meds to see what works the best for your baby. Also, if you do try the meds and it seems like they stop working after a while, they might need to be adjusted for weight gain and the dosage upped. 

Ok, that's all I got - I do totally feel you on the not sleeping baby though, I had one of those who would only sleep on me (did so until 9mo for every single darn nap and all night long... I just kept trying to put her down and after a while she did get better at it but still not that great at sleeping by herself). Big hugs - I know how stressful it is to not have enough sleep. 

[beebalmmama]

My first ds was horrible sleeper. Eventually I was able to nurse him side lying and then sneek away, but we didn't have the reflux issues. What I did before that was to wear him in a wrap for naps. I had a woven wrap (not stretchy) which was crucial because my back hurt as well and he was a big baby. I was able to get him occasionally to nap in the swing, not always for long but it was the only way for a while to get any alone time for myself.

I've also known moms dealing with reflux issues to put baby on their tummy. Can she raise and turn her head? That would make me more comfortable more than necessarily being able to turn over.

[Kristine12]

Wow, I could have written your post. I am right there with you, Mama. My 4 mo old has reflux, doesn't sleep but for an hour or two at a time and is up all night crying if she isn't on the breast. I am totally sleep deprived. I have accepted all of this, because I went through it with my dd (now 3) and I can echo that it will get better. For her, just after 6 months the reflux was GONE. Like a light switch. We still had some issues with getting her to nap, and ultimately resorted to car rides to get her to fall asleep. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I just hang on to that.

My problem is that I work nights, went back last week, and DH is the one about to lose it with a screaming baby that won't take a bottle. Seriously, I am worried about them. I have seen him just hold her up in front of himself and glare angrily into her desperate, screaming face. It breaks my heart because I know she is hurting. I don't know how to help him find the emotional reserves or the physical means to comfort her.

I found the same thing as you - avoiding all the food triggers, and even using simethicone, have reduced her gas, but don't seem to help with the not-sleeping. As far as night side-lie nursing, I found a trick for that. I put a travel neck pillow under her shoulders and head which props her up on an incline but is squishy enough for me to get her latched (with a little gymnastics on my part) and not too obtrusive in the bed. Then when she lets go, I curl up so her bent legs are supported on my thigh and I am comfortable enough to go to sleep.

For reflux meds - we have had her on Ranitidine for the last two months, which helped ok, at least it stopped the gagging at night. But we were still losing ground. Yesterday we started lansoprazole and for the first time ever she slept through the night. I was stunned.

BTW you can just place the half tab of the orally dissolvable tablet (or whatever the dose is) on her tongue and nurse right away and it works just fine. Not the prescribed way to give it but waaaay easier.

Good Luck, Hang in There, and know you are not alone. I'll be up all night with you!