Originally Posted by darcytrue
He was raised in a VERY abusive family. His father abused his mother in front of him most of his life up until his dad finally left. Then his mom had boyfriend after boyfriend, all abusive and they were abusive to him as well, hitting him, cursing him out for no reason (he said) and he said he was sexually abused by one man. :( His father also tried to kill his mom in front of him. His dad was an alcoholic who even had to live with him for about a month last year right after we started dating....and he said his dad told him he would shoot him if he had a gun to do it with. :( His dad acted as though he hated him. He really didn't deserve that treatment and swore he was past it and forgave and was healed from all the abuse, but I think he was kidding himself. I think he needs counseling and a lot of help but he wouldn't admit to it. He always had very sad stories about his upbringing and always had sad things about his life in general, even as an adult. He would talk often about how he was taking care of his own needs by the time he was 10 years old. How he wanted to raise his child differently and now that his child is 12 years old that time is ticking away and he never had his son in a real home with a mom and siblings and living a normal day to day life. He doesn't have that type of life now though. He doesn't know how to have that type of life and yet he expects some woman to just pop in his life and give that to him, when she sees him living a very fruitless life that is full of depression and strife. It was just so hard.
He had never been married but has a child of his own. ALL women have done him wrong and none have been the one that he wants, a good Christian woman and he says they all lie and say they are but they aren't. I think it's just 'him' and he scares them all away. He says they all cheated on him or just up and left with no reason. I think those that cheated felt it was their only way out. I didn't do that to him. I never could do that to someone. That would have just hurt him worse. I do care that much. But his life was always just so sad, somber and depressed. He would suck all the joy I had out of me if I was having a good day and if I were to ever have a bad day or be sad he would say I wasn't supposed to feel that way and put me down, but yet when he got that way (which was very often) I had to show I was there for him or later he would say I wasn't there for him as a Christian woman should be. He even went as far as to say "in the end" that I disappointed him and he thought I was "different" than the rest. He expected SO much of me. Its like I had to measure up to some ideal he had in his mind. He always said he wanted a wife, a family and a life and even would comment about how my life is with my kids. This man didn't even have a kitchen table in his house and the house was filthy. :( I hung in there cause I liked him though, hoped for something, dunno what. Like I said earlier about the job situation. He hadn't had a stable job in many years. He lives off his mom and she lives off a small check each month from the government. If he didn't have a roommate his bills wouldn't get paid and they barely do anyway. All he ever did was complain about how they were several months behind in rent, utilities weren't paid, etc. He had hospital bills up in the thousands from some girl he dated a couple years ago that walked out on him after a year of dating and he had a meltdown and thought he was having a heart attack. It's almost as if he lets himself get so emotionally worked up over "women" in his life to the point of getting physically sick. He even referred back to US when we had first met last year and how 3 days after we met I upset him over something at the time and he walked out of a temp job he had at that time and had to go home because I upset him and he got a speeding ticket on the way home. I was always, constantly told I caused this or that to happen. Then that job he had a few weeks ago for only two short weeks he lost because he was upset over me and the fact that I tried to break up with him (that was the first time I tried). I just don't understand him. He wanted ME to be the normal one so he could be around ME but yet I was more normal than he was???? lol Was I not? he had it all twisted around to try and make me think it was me that wasn't normal and he was healed of his horrible upbringing and I was just constantly bringing him down.
He's an addict. He is addicted to the painful drama of a chaotic and disastrous personal life. Which is why when he doesn't have one (i.e. when he dates a nice sane, lovely someone like yourself, OP) he creates one (by treating you the way he did and acting how he does).
Until he has had significant help he will not stop doing this. I speak from experience (both as the victim of someone who does this and a person who once upon a time used to be a little that way, though i "added-my-woes" rather than abusing others). He is so familiar with the abusive prison his upbringing built around him that he goes on building that jail over and over with his partners. When you don't wrong him he twists things to look like you did. When you don't do anything to negatively impact his life HE does stupid things to negatively impact his life and blames you. When you don't cheat he says you did and acts like you did. When you (very rationally) say you want to split up he acts like you're crazy and cries and begs you not to leave him. He is addicted to this negative drama.
I don't want to scare you, but this is not over for him. All that "i'm never going to talk to you again!" is like your 5yo having a tantrum. He needs to see you again until he lines up another victim to put through this. He hates those other women, those evil worldy cheating women who ruined his life....but he still goes to Church where they do, so he can continue to badmouth them and keep an eye on them, right? Delete and block him. Block his numbers. Instruct your children not to talk to him, online or otherwise.
I am not saying he is evil, i know you are a good person and a kind person, and i know you care about him. But this is not HIM, this is his addiction, and he will do more or less anything to feed it. He can't help it. But you need to stay safe. If he actually follows through on the "never speak to me again" consider yourself very lucky. My guess is that he will try to get in touch again, directly (talking to you) or indirectly (badmouthing you to the other folks at church, or your kids, or similar).