the part about not wanting to meet the kids yet because then you might not focus on 'us' reminds me of the guy from Waitress. He was an angry man, but he was VERY concerned about not getting ALL the attention from his wife... even including a baby. He couldn't handle having her at his every beck and call and therefore became very controlling about it.
This guy DOES sound controlling... and in a sneaky way. He spends HOURS hashing out little things. You say he is usually right... but is it normal to spend hours dealing with something small that most people could probably handle in a few sentences? When my husband says something that bothers me, I just have to say 'hey... that bothered me because xyz. I'd appreciate it if you refrained from speaking that way/using those words/whatever from now on' and he'd go 'oh I'm sorry, i didn't realize/didn't mean to and I'll try to be more mindful of that.' The only reason anything would require long drawn out emails and hours of conversation is if its something big that we both feel very strongly about. for the little things, even if he thinks its dumb that I'm bothered by some things, its not hard to avoid them and he chooses to out of love and respect for me. and vice versa.
I'd also pay attention to how you said he starts going on about not wanting to chase you if you don't get back to him quickly.... but he takes awhile to get back. Double standards are a problem. he expects you to be at his every beck and call but can't be bothered to give the same respect... even going so far as to joke about it.
your posts OP became long posts about all his problems. I hope you see just how problematic he is. His being Christian is ultimately a minor detail because none of his behavior that you describe has much to do with religion but a lot to do with how healthy and happy you and your children will be after long exposures with him. You can believe in God and Jesus and go to church every week and believe in certain Christian morals, but that doesn't mean you are a good person who would make a good husband. Plead read your posts... really consider the problems you have pointed out about him. Consider if that would be a good role model for your little 16 month old to grow up with.