Need some ideas for financial books/discussion pointers for kids

[VisionaryMom]

DS is having a very hard time dealing with our lifestyle. We are not frugal in the way that I know many here are, but compared to the average American family, we definitely are. We don't spend our money in the same ways, and DS is quite the consumer wanna be. DD doesn't much care. She could get $10 for her birthday and keep it all year, but DS struggles a lot with wanting to spend, comparing us to others, etc.

We really need to start a good, on-going discussion with him. I'm finding it difficult because money is such a tough issue fraught with moral judgments and values. I need something to help me start a conversation. I'm not looking so much for "give, save, spend," but more about how we make money and choose to spend it as a family.

[zinemama]

Well, how do you make money and spend it as a family? What are your priorities? Do you and dh have a philosophy about this, something concrete that you can articulate? That's where I'd start, if I were you.

[eirual]

http://www.daveramsey.com/store/cYOUTH-p1.html

Dave Ramsey has stuff specifically for youth.

[eirual]

How old is your DS?

I find it's sometimes difficult for my DS as well, so I do my best to prepare him for success when we go out- we talk about exactly what we're going in the store for (and that means I have to stick to the list too!) and make it clear we're getting nothing else.

Sometimes I'll send him into the store with a limit (75 cents, $2, whatever's reasonable).

Sometimes I point out that advertisements/companies only want our money.

Sometimes I'll give him verbal warning, but he learns that the hards way....like paying $2 for a little toy out of a machine that wasn't what he wanted and is  worth more like 5 cents and sucks).

Sometimes I'll acknowledge that he wants something, let him know the problem, then brainstorm ways we can make that happen if it's important to him (looking for it used or see about  borrowing it, saving up money, something else?).

Sometimes I'll let him know that he can come back tomorrow if it's still important to him (which it rarely is) but if the whining keeps up we're just going.

Sometimes I just let it go and if it's a genuinely cool thing where the pros outweigh the cons, then the world will continue to spin if we indulge within reason.

You may want to share your family goals with him too...talk about what's important, and what's a financial priority for you and your family at the moment, why you're doing what you're doing, and maybe that once you reach those goals you can celebrate.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by zinemama 

Well, how do you make money and spend it as a family? What are your priorities? Do you and dh have a philosophy about this, something concrete that you can articulate? That's where I'd start, if I were you.

DH is a software developer. I'm a copywriter transitioning to a career as an accountant. DS knows all of that, and he's vaguely aware that it means we make decent money. The reality is that our income is significantly higher than that of pretty much all of the families in our circle. Many of them are artists or have other free-spirited careers. We are less like the people who work with my husband, who all lease luxury cars & take expensive vacations. So I think there's a real disconnect with what we make and what we spend (and how we choose to spend). 

Some of the issues are not really money-related, but DS has a fixation on money. He wants a television in his room. It's not happening because we don't believe anyone needs a TV in his/her room, but DS has it in his head that it's because we cannot afford it. I tend to think (though I don't know, just my reading between the lines of what he does say) that the conversations he's had with other kids are that you get things like multiple game consoles & TVs in your room if your parents can afford it. Why wouldn't you!?! 

But I'm not sure how to articulate what I think about money without sounding judgmental to DS, who inevitably wants to know why X's parents got him A, B, and C when the real reason (to me) is that they don't make sound choices. They request assistance for school supplies but buy a Wii. I *do* have a problem with that, but I these kids are DS' friends. I don't want to sound like I'm judging his friends for what their parents are doing wrt money.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eirual 

http://www.daveramsey.com/store/cYOUTH-p1.html

Dave Ramsey has stuff specifically for youth.

I will look at his stuff again, but I think when I did before that I had some problems with it. It was not that I found it egregious, but there were some places where I diverged.

Originally Posted by eirual 

How old is your DS?

I find it's sometimes difficult for my DS as well, so I do my best to prepare him for success when we go out- we talk about exactly what we're going in the store for (and that means I have to stick to the list too!) and make it clear we're getting nothing else.

Sometimes I'll send him into the store with a limit (75 cents, $2, whatever's reasonable).

Sometimes I point out that advertisements/companies only want our money.

Sometimes I'll give him verbal warning, but he learns that the hards way....like paying $2 for a little toy out of a machine that wasn't what he wanted and is  worth more like 5 cents and sucks).

Sometimes I'll acknowledge that he wants something, let him know the problem, then brainstorm ways we can make that happen if it's important to him (looking for it used or see about  borrowing it, saving up money, something else?).

Sometimes I'll let him know that he can come back tomorrow if it's still important to him (which it rarely is) but if the whining keeps up we're just going.

Sometimes I just let it go and if it's a genuinely cool thing where the pros outweigh the cons, then the world will continue to spin if we indulge within reason.

You may want to share your family goals with him too...talk about what's important, and what's a financial priority for you and your family at the moment, why you're doing what you're doing, and maybe that once you reach those goals you can celebrate.

We do a number of these things, though we do have to be careful because DS is anxiety-ridden and will get hyper-focused on money and whether we have enough for him to eat or keep our house. He is 6. We have not shared too much financial information with him, but he worries if we say anything like, "guys, we're going to work on cutting down the electric bill" or "I really only want to spend $20 at this carnival, so we need to look at the prices and decide what we're going to do."

I suppose for me that I'm looking more at talking about long-term spending - college funds, investment properties (not that I'll term it that way), etc.

[zinemama]

I guess I don't see where the problem lies in sounding judgmental to your son about money. Isn't that your job, as his parent? You don't have to make any comment at all about how your ds's friends' parents spend their money. I agree that this would be inappropriate.

The conversation should be all about the way you and dh have chosen to live your lives.You and your husband earn the money. Your values inform the way you spend that money. Those values do not include a TV in every room, even if you can afford it. You choose to put your money into other things - savings, college fund, charity, whatever it is that you put your money into. I don't think this is too difficult for kids to understand, or that it's wrong to tell your son that when he grows up, if he wants to spend his income on a TV in every room, he can go wild, but that's simply not your priority.

[sunnysandiegan]

You can look at ING's website for kids. I believe it is planetorange.com. It might be a fun way for him to figure out some of this on his own. It is geared towards 5-12 year olds, but all kids will get something out of it.

From what I'm reading, though, your son's anxiety is more the issue and money is just one of the ways it manifests. Maybe focus on reducing his general anxiety and keep up the general financial information?

I also sense your discomfort with money or the way your family chooses to spend/save compared to others. When parents are comfortable with their choices, kids usually are as well....until they become teenagers! LOL Your son may be asking and requesting more basic information than you may be interpreting.

When my DD was in Kindergarten, she was very intent on figuring out how she fit in with her friends. (Could be part of your DS' questions/situation.) It manifested in a variety of ways and at first it had me concerned. Once I relaxed and realized what was going on, it was easier to answer her questions matter-of-factly. That satisfied her and reduced her questions and worries.

One idea for you...

I do our family finances and paperwork weekly and present a recap for DH at dinner (usually verbal). DD is present during this. It opens communication among family members and presents money topics in a natural day-to-day kind of way. When it is regular and matter-of-fact, it eliminates anxiety and concern. Just something to consider.

[Denvergirlie]

Does your son think your family is poor, and thus is stressed out about that? He is seeing what his friends have at home, how there families function and then comes home and sees that your family doesn't have these same things. He might just not understand that you could buy "x", but choose not to. Like the TV in his room. Can you explain to him that even if he saved all his B-day money and bought a TV with his own money, that you would still not allow him to have a TV in his room? That you just don't believe that he needs a TV in his room, and that you want to make sure you all spend time together as a family, instead of each family member being isolated in front of a TV in there own room. That it's not an issue of we can not afford more than $20 at the carinval, but that as a family you are choosing not to spend more than $20.

Likewise, perhaps expalain that you only have so much money each week, and that you need to pay the bills, but also save some for the future. So if you went out and bought 3 TV's that then you could not put that money into "x" savings account.

I think kids by this age can understand the concept of self discipline, and waiting. Does your son have money ever? Has he ever saved his money to buy something bigger than dollar store toys?

I'm sure he knows about money, and how you use money to buy things, but he might not fully get the point that there is onnly so much you have coming in, and that when you go to the bank, it's your money you are pulling out and that the bank won't just always give you more and more, but that there is a limited amount, and you need to allocated it the best way you set fit while also having it match your values.

Explaining why to him might help him get over his anxiety in this respect. Education about money, very well might help him let go of this particular fear.

best