3 years old and not involved in sports/playgroups etc...

[Magali]

We live in a really small town and there isn't a whole lot to do around here. Plus we don't speak french and this is a french speaking area so while it's no excuse, it does make meeting people and finding out about things a little harder.  My almost 4 year old isn't involved in any sports activities with other kids or preschool or playgroups.  There is a little boy across the street he has played with a few times but his mom is really busy and they can't get together very often.  We do go swimming once a week (would go more often but it is about a 40 min drive each way so it's a lot of gas plus I have a 3 month old dd and I can't take them by myself).  We get outside when the weather isn't too cold and play in the snow/walk to the creek and stuff and in the summer/spring we are out playing all the time.  I was planning to homeschool, but if we are still living here a year from now I think it will be best for him to go to school and make friends etc...  Anyways, I guess I am feeling a little down right now because I feel I'm not doing right by him, like I'm holding him back from life or something, all because we moved to this middle of nowhere place.  We are trying to move ASAP but my dh is in a contract until July and we have to sell our house.  I have friends (who don't live here) who have kids younger than my ds who do dancing and lessons and preschool and have busy lives...and my little guy does none of it.  We have an awesome family life and dh is always playing with ds and we do playdough and coloring and reading and he plays with toys and he stays busy and pretty much has one on one parent time whenever he is awake.   He is a happy little guy and when he is around people he is friendly and you wouldn't really know that we don't get much socialization.  I don't know, I guess I'd just like to talk a bit about this...it's nice to get it off my chest.  No real question here but I wouldn't mind hearing from anyone who is/has been in a similar situation.

[pianojazzgirl]

I've BTDT mama.  Don't beat yourself up.  It sounds like your ds is living a great, happy life.  :)

When my dd was that age we only knew a very few people who had kids.  We also couldn't afford lessons of any sort.  Our day-to-day life sounds pretty much like what you describe.  When she was 4 she started Pre-Kindergarten after never having been in any kind of organized activity before in her life.  Now she is 6, has tons of friends, is involved in a couple of extra-curricular activities (we can afford violin and swimming lessons), and leads a pretty good life.  I don't think she suffered from those early years of family-centred time at all.  She was happy then and is happy now.  When it was time to start school she adjusted well (though having to learn French made it a bit more difficult - like you we live in a French-speaking place).

My one piece of advice to you (as an Anglo in a Franco area) is not to be shy... put yourself out there.  I am very much an introvert and have a lot of difficulty getting over sounding "stupid" by speaking French, but, with 2 kids who are more and more interacting with the outside world - esp school, I've kind of been forced to deal with it.  As soon as I made myself converse with other parents (at the park, parents of dd's schoolmates, etc) my French quickly got a lot better.  And I've made some good friends and neighbourhood acquaintances.  :)

[f&p'smama]

My littlest one just doesn't like classes very much.  We do a music class and a clay class, but he won't really interact with the teachers at all and not so much with the other kids.  He mostly likes making music and playing with the clay with me.  He does have two older sisters, so I know that makes a difference, but I really don't think outside the home socialization is so essential at this point.  If your son is happy,and it sounds like he is and that you and your DH are doing a great job, it's really okay.  If you were parking him in front of the tv all day, that'd be one thing, but it sounds like the two of you have a nice relationship and he's learning about his world.  If you're lonely and want more interaction with other parents, I get that, but I don't think you have to worry that you're not doing right by your son.  You're doing the best you can in the situation you're in.  

[Magali]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

I've BTDT mama.  Don't beat yourself up.  It sounds like your ds is living a great, happy life.  :)

When my dd was that age we only knew a very few people who had kids.  We also couldn't afford lessons of any sort.  Our day-to-day life sounds pretty much like what you describe.  When she was 4 she started Pre-Kindergarten after never having been in any kind of organized activity before in her life.  Now she is 6, has tons of friends, is involved in a couple of extra-curricular activities (we can afford violin and swimming lessons), and leads a pretty good life.  I don't think she suffered from those early years of family-centred time at all.  She was happy then and is happy now.  When it was time to start school she adjusted well (though having to learn French made it a bit more difficult - like you we live in a French-speaking place).

My one piece of advice to you (as an Anglo in a Franco area) is not to be shy... put yourself out there.  I am very much an introvert and have a lot of difficulty getting over sounding "stupid" by speaking French, but, with 2 kids who are more and more interacting with the outside world - esp school, I've kind of been forced to deal with it.  As soon as I made myself converse with other parents (at the park, parents of dd's schoolmates, etc) my French quickly got a lot better.  And I've made some good friends and neighbourhood acquaintances.  :)

Nice to hear from someone who has btdt...even down to the French part.  We are in New Brunswick, right on the border with QC and my dh works in QC.  We have been here for going on 3 years now and my French is really hurting.  When I was in my 20's I learened Spanish by living in Costa Rica and just listening to people and talking and I became fluent, but around here the most social interaction I get is waving at the guy who lives next door as he drives by or telling the woman at the grocery I didn't bring my bags lol.  Everytime I open my mouth I cringe...cause English always comes out of it!!!!  I can deal with no friends, but I feel bad for my little guy because he loves playing with kids.  It will probably get better when he starts school.  I'm actually getting a little excited for him :).

[SubliminalDarkness]

I'd say it's not ideal, but it's not awful. Personally, I think people think WAY too much about how it's so important for kids to be around tons of other kids and "socialize." I wasn't around kids a whole lot when I was little, and while it did have some effects that weren't ideal, I was much better spoken than other kids my age because most of my interactions were with adults, and I do think that had some benefits. I was also an only child, so it wasn't like there was even a sibling to play with. 

My now nearly 9 year old was not in classes or preschool or anything as a little one. He did have some time with other kids when I baby-sat, but he didn't have neighbor friends or anything. And he never went to preschool. He did fine. My now 4 year old is not in classes or sports, doesn't have neighborhood friends, and only interacts with other kids when we go to playgrounds or things like that on occasion. I also think he's fine. For one thing, he's a lot less dependent on having someone else entertain him like I notice in the kids of some of my friends. I think that's a good thing. 

You just do the best you can. 

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by Magali 

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

I've BTDT mama.  Don't beat yourself up.  It sounds like your ds is living a great, happy life.  :)

When my dd was that age we only knew a very few people who had kids.  We also couldn't afford lessons of any sort.  Our day-to-day life sounds pretty much like what you describe.  When she was 4 she started Pre-Kindergarten after never having been in any kind of organized activity before in her life.  Now she is 6, has tons of friends, is involved in a couple of extra-curricular activities (we can afford violin and swimming lessons), and leads a pretty good life.  I don't think she suffered from those early years of family-centred time at all.  She was happy then and is happy now.  When it was time to start school she adjusted well (though having to learn French made it a bit more difficult - like you we live in a French-speaking place).

My one piece of advice to you (as an Anglo in a Franco area) is not to be shy... put yourself out there.  I am very much an introvert and have a lot of difficulty getting over sounding "stupid" by speaking French, but, with 2 kids who are more and more interacting with the outside world - esp school, I've kind of been forced to deal with it.  As soon as I made myself converse with other parents (at the park, parents of dd's schoolmates, etc) my French quickly got a lot better.  And I've made some good friends and neighbourhood acquaintances.  :)

Nice to hear from someone who has btdt...even down to the French part.  We are in New Brunswick, right on the border with QC and my dh works in QC.  We have been here for going on 3 years now and my French is really hurting.  When I was in my 20's I learened Spanish by living in Costa Rica and just listening to people and talking and I became fluent, but around here the most social interaction I get is waving at the guy who lives next door as he drives by or telling the woman at the grocery I didn't bring my bags lol.  Everytime I open my mouth I cringe...cause English always comes out of it!!!!  I can deal with no friends, but I feel bad for my little guy because he loves playing with kids.  It will probably get better when he starts school.  I'm actually getting a little excited for him :).

That's definitely hard.  :(  At least I live in Montreal, where you can get by with only English.  Even though my French has gotten a lot better in the past few years I'm still planning on taking an intensive language course when ds starts school.  Have you thought about taking courses?  Or even putting up a few ads (at the local grocery store, laundromat, etc) for doing an exchange of English tutoring for French tutoring?

[lilmom]

Mama, my DH feels the same way you do, that our DS is somehow suffering by not being in any activities or having friends. He is 3.5. We moved to a smaller town for DH to get his Master's and we have had a terrible time making friends. There are also not many activities for us to do with a little guy, or classes for him to join. Actually, the only things he might possibly do are T-ball and gymnastics, but he didn't do those last year because he wasn't fully potty trained. Now this year, DH is trying to get a job in a larger city, and we are thinking if we join something this spring, we might have to leave right after it starts, which might be more traumatic than not starting, I don't know. We'll see. But basically, I just wanted to say that even though my DS plays by himself all the time, unless we are at the park (and even then, it seems like there are hardly ever other children around), he is VERY happy. He also can entertain himself very easily, since it's usually just he and I, and sometimes I need to do other things!

I really think our society does put too much emphasis on socialization for little ones. I think your little one will be fine and so will mine. If they don't know any different, I don't see how it can be terrible. It's not as if your child is begging for it, right? Mine isn't.

I am planning on homeschooling too. I hoped we would have another child closer in age to DS, but it hasn't happened yet. My thinking is that I may try to find another child to homeschool who is my son's age. Maybe you could do that too, if you decide to pursue homeschooling.

Don't worry too much! He will be fine!