Attaching to Roommate?

[sharkysmom]

I need to give a little background before I pose my question so here goes...Ds is 20mth old and dp and I have been seperated for the last nine months. Ds's dad has liberal visitation and all seems to be going well on that end. Ds is very bright, loving and becoming more and more independant, however is very people oriented and attaches to people pretty easily. He seems thrown off a little bit by visitation but didnt seem to thrown off by dad leaving since he was only 11 months old at the time and was 100% attached to me.

I am looking at moving in May as my lease here will be up and can no longer afford this rent. I also can not really afford to live on my own so I have asked a good friend of mine who I have known for over 10 years to move in with me in a new place. Now this friend is a man, a man I care about on a platonic level and who I trust with my son(one of few people!!). He is very sweet and my DS already has a relationship with him and thinks he is great.

Now my question is this...if we move into a place together and DS is around him all the time he will obviously form a bond with him, if after a year we no longer live together(I am hoping to be able to pay all the rent myself by then) is this going to effect and/or hurt DS? In what way? I dont really know what their ability to handle things like this is. What would his level of comprehension be like at 3? Are there boundries that should be in place? Are there things I could do to ease the transitions? Okay that was a few questions :)

Anyone that has experience or that could even give me some references to read I would appreciate it very much.

[rubelin]

my youngest was 3 when DX (da' ex) moved out. It was a little hard on him but we tried to keep the kids seeing Daddy at the same times that they always did as much as possible. So, they usually had breakfast with him and spent Sundays hanging out with him, so we kept those times for visits. If you can maintain some visiting with your roommate when (if) he moves out, and then slowly transition to seeing him less as needed, it should help. If this is a friend you expect will be in your life indefinitely, then I don't think it's a problem to let your son get attached. We have many friends who we've gone through periods of seeing every day for months and then not seeing for a while and the kids adjust. I think the benefits of having an awesome roommate is worth risking that there might come a time in the future when you don't live together and need to deal with that.

[meemee]

well its slightly different in our case. `coz we choose to live with room mates. dd and i dont want to live by ourselves. its kinda boring. even at 3 dd would ask why we live in our own apt. why couldnt we live with a bunch of people.

and it so happened that the majority of roomates have been men. according to me they make better roommates than women so far in my experience. no passive aggression. 

all my good friends and best friends are men. at 3 we met our new best friend and we spent a lot of time together. dd started wanting to call him daddy. bf struggled with that. you already have a daddy. but i explained to him that its ok. its just a phase. she will get out of it. and that's what it was. even though her daddy has been very much present in her life, she called my bf her daddy for a while because she would have wanted her daddy to be like him. bf is one of the rare persons who can really play with dd like squabbling kids. he doesnt give her an inch and they would fight over where the kitchen would be while building with blocks. he'd come over and spent hours playing, reading and hanging with dd - to give me a break. 

dd loves my present roommate. he is extremely child like in nature. again they fight and squabble together. they share fart jokes. she bullies him. goes to teh store with him. roommate has a v. high stress job. he loves coming home and sparring with dd. its his stress release. we also go camping together. he is a climber and is teaching dd how to climb. 

these men make a huge contribution to dd's life. as life happens we find we spend time with some a lot and then hardly any. dd has been able to handle it. because life is not JUST around my friends or our roommates. dd had her friends and her own social life from toddler age. so while she has deeply bonded with all of these men, she is not dependent on them.

if they had suddenly disappeared from our lives - yes she would be deeply hurt. but there also needs to be 'visitation' rights for people dd sees regularly. 

this is your friend (my male roommates have been men whom i have known for a while, maybe not friends with them, but definitely knew them) so ds already has a relationship with him. with dd i have insisted that roommates space is roommates. i have asked roommates to insist dd can only visit them in their room if dd is invited to. not otherwise. 

both my roommates have been cool guys. so far i have not had any problems with them. actually whenever i have been roommates with acquaintances - whether male or female - have all worked out very well. it hasnt worked out well with strangers who were women.