I work full time and have DS (4 yo) and DD (22 months). Right now I have a brief reprieve this week due to the fact that we all have the flu and I've been home for four days with them! When I am working full time (40 hrs), I have a 30 minute commute each way, where I lose time. I've always been close to my work, but not in this job. Daycare for both kids is in the opposite direction (2 miles), which is closer for DH to drop them off and pick up in the evenings, but he refuses to do so, and usually doesn't help in the mornings or with lunches. DH works full time,too, but occasionally gets laid off, and when he does, he sometimes doesn't pick up the kids from daycare early to save money but stays home and reads, watchs TV, etc.. ACK! He has become my third child. So I usually pack everyones lunch, get them ready in the morn, and drive them to daycare, so once I'm on the road, it takes me an hour total to get to work. I have somewhat flexible hours, but my supervisor expects me to work 40 hrs (for sure in summer, but winter its slower, so I can often get by with 36-38 hrs a week). To work full time, I sometimes have to stay as late as 6 pm and get home at 6:45 pm, make dinner (DH won't cook), put the kids to bed (I do all the baths), then co-sleep and still nurse my DD. I'm exhausted. Another woman at my work who has two kids (older than mine) seems to have always done this effortlessly. She always finds creative ways to cut corners, too, like working at home, using the wellness program, etc. Her DH works out of the same office and helps her a lot, I think.
I had both my kids in my 40's with my younger DH (from another country). He is also an alcoholic who decides to get sober every four months, goes to AA, lies about it, and then is back to full time drinking again. He can be verbally abusive and edgy when he is drinking, sometimes even sober, so I'm really wearing thin. He lacks emotional maturity, and having discussion with him on nearly any subject (especially disciplining the kids) leaves me feeling like I've just had an argument with a 12 year old who says "Na na!" at the end of every sentence. We've gone to counselors before, and each one of them seems to not really see the real problem (that hes an alcoholic that needs to be sober to function in the family) before we can move forward. He got a DUI over two years ago and was sober for about six months (even though he received a 1 yr coin at AA--lied to them, too). It wasn't long enough to make too much emotional progress (he has many issues of abandonment by his mother).
I've threatened divorce or moving out, he says I'm controlling. I have to be because if he is drinking, I have to often take over (he has driven my kids before while drinking). He seems to be getting better (this week he is six days sober), but I'm not crossing fingers anymore. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I used to have a beautiful, thin figure and I am 40 pds heavier, no exercise, no time to myself, and I already feel like a single parent. I still think the kids are better off with DH in the house, he does have redeeming qualities, although they are becoming harder to find.
I need to find a way to get up earlier in the morning and get an earlier start and get the kids to daycare by 8 am, and myself to work by 9 am (it only saves me a half hour). I'm not a morning person and the thought of having to do this even earlier when they are school age without any help from my spouse just scares me. We just moved into a new townhouse we bought--I was so proud of my accomplishment (all my effort and work, DH just signed the papers).
What would you do?