Ok, alot of you will know my story. I have had unnecessary c/s in the past for FTP, post-dates, prolong ROM, blah, blah, blah. ive had time to process my delivery and i am saddened and very angry. and disappointed in myself because i knew better.
I was pg with twins. my son was undecided in position,going from vertex to breech and vice versa. i used webster to turn him vertex successfully, but he flipped again at 35w.
the entire time i fought my hospital, not my OB, but the hospital (and his partners) for my VBA3C. uncomplicated pg for the most part, only minor discordance between the babies. i started swelling about 34w and my BP started creeping up at 35w. no protein in my urine but otherwise all was fine.
the head of OB/maternal fetal medicine tried to BS me into signing a letter saying they didnt agree to a VBAC but would take care of me, blah, blah, lies, etc. i refused because it read like a blanket consent form for c/s.
i got discouraged that nothing was happening as far as dilating at my last OB appt on 11/9. at that point i scheduled a c/s for a few wks later. i later cancelled that appt. anyway.
i wanted to turn little man around again so i went back to the chiro for webster on 11/13 at 1230. i had my adjustment and went home and slept for a few hrs. i felt alittle off but i had had diarrhea for a few days so i didnt think anything of it. my water broke that day at 430. labor started immediately, with contrax. every 5-7 min. hubby wanted to go right away but i managed to get him to understand that it would be detrimental and that we should wait til labor pains were really steady and i couldnt concentrate through them. that wasnt until about 745 or so. we took our older child to a friends and made arrangements for my dogs. by then it was really getting intense. contrax. every 3-5 minutes lasting about 60-75 seconds. when we got to the hospital i was only 1cm but 100% effaced and baby at -1 station. i was elated to have made progress from nothing. pain was bad and i tried hypnobabies but couldnt get anyone to leave me alone long enough to focus. they took my birth plan but nothing was being honored. the doc on call was a lot of things i am not supposed to say on here, so i wont say them. she immediately started in on the 'must do a c/s, your 2nd baby is 2lb bigger than the other and breech, blah blah'. i declined and signed the VBAC consent and we discussed reasons i would consent to a c/s for.
ok, now its about 1030pm. contrax every 2-3 min, lasting forever. i am now 2cm dilated and fighting realy hard to concentrate on the happy ending i wanted. tried to change positions but as soon as i would move another nurse would adjust the monitors and another contrax would come. i asked for an epidural at that point, feeling certain that my labor was good and strong.
thats when everything went screwy. i specifically asked for no residents/students to attend me. well that didnt get honored either. the guy doing my epi put something in my IV to 'calm me down' but wouldnt tell me what. instead it made me weak and dizzy. i could barely sit upright. i asked if that was normal and was ignored. it took 3 tries to get it placed correctly. by that time i was feeling very sick and weak. again, no one is telling me if this is normal. i didnt think it was but at that point the pain was gone and i could focus on having my babies. they laid the bed all the way back and then i heard my BP monitor dinging. i glanced over and my BP had dropped to next to nothing, from 199/120 where it was before the epi was placed. they told me to turn but i couldnt move. they flipped me to my left side and then my little girls heart rate dropped to the 90s and stayed there. the doc casually came in and asked what i wanted to do, basically saying that it was my fault that this was happening and that i should have had the c/s to begin with. not knowing that i had other options(flushing the epidural catheter among the easiest options) i said to get the babies out. so i was rushed to the OR. i asked her to follow my birth plan and use a bikini cut on my uterus, but i have no idea if she did. my records have still not been made available to me. she didnt talk to me at all until it was over, when she had the gaul to ask if i wanted my tubes tied. i tried to be positive but my hospital stay was crappy and we had to get the patient advocate involved. they took my son to the nicu after they shoved him in my face for 5 seconds. i didnt get to see him again til the next night.
my OB came in the next morning and said, 'you had them the wrong way'. i said, no kidding. he asks me, 'what did dr ***** do, pay the anesthesiologist under the table to mess things up?' he seemed like he was joking, but it wasnt funny because i honestly think there was something funny about how things went. how my labor was normal and we were all fine until they started putting stuff in my iv.
i was glad to have my babies and didnt feel the disappointment settle until a few weeks later. then i told my ob that i wanted to speak with the head of anesthesia and find out what the hell happened. and to the hospital patient advocate again because i wanted to file a formal complaint against the doc who delivered me.
i feel cheated out of a wonderful birth. i know that if my doc was on call, he would have been respectful and made sure things were done the way we talked about. i feel like if i would have been stronger i could have waited to have the epidural and maybe things would have been different. i feel stupid for letting them get to me and manipulate me like they did. i will never know if my son would have been fine, instead of having IVs and spending his first day of life away from me if he delivered vaginally
i just feel so cheated. i mean, i have these beautiful babies. breastfeeding is going wonderfully, they are growing and i am physically healed. but i know that things could have been different and when i hear about successful vaginal deliveries despite all the interventions, i get jealous. when i hear about women choosing c/s for no reason, i get angry and i wish i could just forget it all.
im not done having babies. i know in my heart i am not. but how do i go through all that drama again? i know i am not broken now, and that labor will happen when its supposed to, and it CAN happen for me. but remembering how hard i had to fight with the everyone just to have the choice to vbac, why would i do it again? if i am going to be treated like crap, i can do it locally and save myself the drive time.
i was ok with it at first. now that i have had time to process everything, i got screwed and manipulated, and it ruined what was supposed to be a beautiful moment for my family. i am sad:(
Follow Mothering