13 month old *still* not sleeping

[carmen358]

I've posted several times about DD not sleeping well at night. I'm pretty laid back about it for the most part and am lucky enough to be on mat. leave for 18 months so my work day is not affected.

However, I sometimes panic because things just keep getting worse. She is so happy, content, not high needs (and never has been) during the day but she wakes up all night, every night usually every 15-45 min. She falls asleep nursing within 10 minutes most nights and is in bed (we bed share) 12-13 hours. She wakes up happy and smiling in the morning. When she wakes up in the night however she sits up immediately and screams. It's not night terrors. She gets very gassy at night and seems to struggle to pass gas. She deals with constipation sometimes and has 14 teeth already. Last night I was listening to her sleep and I could hear her gurgle, cough and then wake up. However, she's never had reflux, has only spit up maybe 10 times in her entire life.

She also won't go back to sleep without me. Usually nursing or sometimes a cuddle. If my partner tries to soothe her she screams even more for me.

I'm really tired and sort of sad about the whole thing. I feel like I'm letting her down somehow by not providing her with enough sleep. She really never sleeps more than an hour. Since 7ish months old. I keep thinking it's something to do with her gasto system but GP doesn't seem concerned because she's super healthy and happy.

Encouragement? Ideas?

I've read the no-cry sleep solution and have had a couple of half-hearted attempts at it. Mostly I'm just too tired to try and it's easier in the short term to just nurse her.

This will stop right? Do I have to stop it (ie stop co-sleeping?)? I'd rather not stop co-sleeping and would like it to just work out on it's own if possible...

[marinak1977]

[DeerMother]

I bet you're tired! Would a lighter dinner help?

I don't have any great advice, but I'm a lot like you in that I don't really care what happens at night so long as everyone gets back to sleep quickly. Meaning - I am way too lazy and sleep-confused to "train" someone to sttn.

[RiverandJulie]

I have a 13 month old who doesnt sleep either....so youre not the only one!

I have found that "little Tummies" helps the gas.  I used it when he was younger, and it caused more problems, but just started using it again, and have found that he gets a lot of relief from gas.

But, I would also suggest looking into food intolerances.  Maybe try an elimination diet.  Help the problem, not the symptoms.  But, while you are working it out, the drops help.

[pangirl]

I was very much in this boat with my now 18 month old daughter. We coslept and nursed every 45 minutes to 1 hour til she was 15 months. I started putting her in her crib to start the night around 13 months (before then she wouldn't sleep without me beside her at all) and then would nurse her when she first woke up (around 8 pm, after being put down between 7-7:30). Then she would fall asleep for another hour. And by then I was ready to go to bed (I was always exhausted and ready for bed by 9), so I'd bring her to my bed to start the wake and nurse cycle for the rest of the night. My husband works swing shift so he wasn't there most of the time, and when he was there, she was too used to me and nursing to sleep to deal with him. So I did the night alone and I did it in the way that seemed easiest to me, which was co-sleeping and nursing.

Then one night she slept two hours on her own in the crib. Eventually 4 hours on her own. And I kept bringing her to bed when I was too tired to put her back in the crib. At 15 months, she started sleeping from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. Then to 5 a.m. Now she sleeps from 7 to 7 and has weaned herself entirely both day and night.

I didn't push. I didn't train. I made it as easy on myself as possible. I didn't want to get out of bed in the night, so I didn't. I honestly figured we'd be doing this to at least 2 years old. I expected her to co-sleep until she was big enough to get excited about a big girl bed. Self-weaning at 17 months was not my plan at all...it was hers. Just like learning to sleep through the night, that was all her.

It was often very hard. Torturous even at times to be so tired, to nurse so often through the night. I often felt very sad, sometimes angry, even worried that I was not meant to be a mother because I couldn't handle this. But it came to an end. And now on the other side of it, I can hardly believe what I went through and I only wish there had been a way for me to not be critical of myself or sad about things I couldn't control.

So no advice except do what is best for you. Take any help during the day that is offered so you can nap. And be nice to yourself. This is very, very hard. But it will come to an end. Your baby will sleep. I wish I could give you an exact date. On many nights I remember wishing so hard I knew the day she would start sleeping, even if it was a year from that night, I just wanted to have a day to look forward to so I could renew my patience and hope. But it will happen, I promise.

My heart goes out to all the mamas of sleepless babes.

[carmen358]

Thanks. It is hard and I am tired. I guess I shouldn't be spending time online while DD sleeps on my lap...I should be sleeping too! ;)

It really, really helps to hear stories of babies eventually sleeping. I need to hear it more often.

We do have a crib in our room but she has only napped in it for a very short time. Funny though, she'll play in while I shower, get dressed, etc. and loves it! I guess I should stop being lazy and put her in it for naps and at the beginning of the evenings even if it means going to her every 30 minutes. Maybe she will eventually start sleeping longer in it if she gets used to it.

I wondered about food allergies but on the boards here, my GP and others in RL have all said she would have loose stools and a rash if it was a food allergy. Neither of which she has. However, I have a gluten allergy and sometimes "cheat" and feel awful myself so I wonder if it affects her. She usually does have a light dinner and doesn't  eat that much for solids at night at all. I went to a local herbal "pharmacy" yesterday and got a gripe water tincture (no alcohol, just herbs and water) but it hasn't helped..yet. I will keep trying it for a few days.

[carmen358]

Just thought I'd update something. Someone suggested I try white noise for DD...I had her on my lap in bed last night and was listening to some on youtube (rain type white noise) and DD fell asleep without nursing! I tried it for her nap today and tonight at bedtime and she fell asleep both times without nursing. Her nap today lasted just under 2 hours and she didn't wake up the whole time (I sat with her but that is still a huge change for her!). It seems so strange to me that something that simple could help so much! Not sure what will happen tonight. I didn't leave it on all night last night and won't tonight either. If this keeps up I'm going to try her in the crib in our room for her naps.

Of course, now I'm all paranoid having googled and read about the possible language delays with being exposed to white noise as an infant...

[NEastMomma]

Oh, you poor Mama.  I too was living almost exactly what you described, tho I was lucky b/c sometimes DS would sleep for 2-3 hour stretches.  We coslept, and I'd often try and start his night out in the crib, but would bring him to bed upon his first wake up (7:30 - 8) and I'd just go to bed myself.  The ONLY way he'd go back to sleep was to nurse.  No matter how hard my DH tried, he could not comfort DS during the night.  I was relegated to be the night nurser.  PS: He'd SCREAM just like your little one at every wake up.  Even if I was right next to him, offering a breast. 

I remember feeling down about it as we went on a beach vacation w/ another family and after the kids went to bed all the adults were up enjoying the balmy night air and I was in a dark room nursing/sleeping.  Sigh.  My DH and I took turns worrying - are we doing wrong by him?  Why won't he sleep?  What will we do?  Luckily while one of us worried, the other one would happen to be in a "good place" and we could encourage each other.  We knew one thing: NO CIO for us, so we had to just deal. 

At around 15mos I implemented a very short bedtime routine of jammies, brush teeth, read books w/ sippy cup of milk and nurse 'till first sign of light sleep.  He "allowed" me to put him in crib at that light sleep and I could finally sneak out! 

At 16 mos (actually Dec, 5 2011 - I still remember the date, ha!) DH was travelling and I did the above routine, except he popped right up to cry when I put him in crib.  I was at my wits end after a looong day and told him I'd be back in one minute.  My plan was to give myself a minute break to regroup.  Well, by the time I left his room and dialed my DH for some quick support, he'd stopped crying (I'm talking literally 90 seconds - I think the phone rang once).  He slept through the night that night, and most nights since.  He magically accepts comforting from DH if he wakes during the night - DH usually just goes in and says "you're ok honey" and DS goes right back to sleep.

Now DH does the whole shebang of a bedtime routine, puts DS fully awake in crib and DS happily plops into childs pose and goes to sleep.  He wakes around 5am - DH brings him into bed and we have a lovely nurse, all three of us in bed.  We get up around 5:30 - 6.  Sometimes he tells US when he wants to go to bed.  He takes DH's hand, walks him to the nursery, grabs a book and pats the rocking chair and says "milk peeeze!"  We can hardly believe it.

My DH had to go into work today and as he left he said, "Let's watch a movie after Paul goes to bed."  It is still hard for me to believe that I can actually plan on watching a whole movie after DS goes to bed!  You WILL get there someday, I promise you.  

You are not harming your babe, but rather teaching her that her needs will be met, no matter how much she needs.  I believe that is part of why DS enjoys sleep now.  He *knows* that we will be there for him, so he can relax and go to sleep.  I know how incredibly difficult this is Mama.  I really, really do.  You are doing such a great service to your daughter.  It is SO hard now, but will have beautiful payoffs in the long run.  In the meantime, take the good advice of pp's and rest/eat as much as possible.  Hang in there!

PS: here is a post I started about sleeping (finally): http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1285508/ds-finally-sleeping-hang-in-there-if-you-re-struggling#post_16140440 

[J1379]

My first DS was exactly like your little one!  I was up at least once every hour nursing him back to sleep (we co-slept as well) and it was not until I got pregnant with #2 that I realized I really needed to do something to get more rest.  I was exhausted, frustrated and found myself getting angry at my DH because I was the only one not getting any rest.  I knew it wasn't healthy for any of us but I wanted things to happen gently and naturally.  I also used the no-cry sleep solution and what worked for us in the end (after trying other methods) was having my DH work at getting DS to sleep every night instead of me.  We found that holding him in a reclined position while listening to quiet music or even sometimes watching music videos relaxed him enough to fall asleep.  Once he began falling asleep without nursing I noticed that he significantly decreased the amount of times he woke in the night to nurse.  He did continue to wake at least 1-2 times so finally what I had to do was move him into his own bed.  When he woke in the night DH would go to his bed and lie with him instead of me.  If he cried and wanted to nurse I would have him come to our bed so he learned that nursing only happened in Mommy's bed and not in his.  Gradually the night wakings decreased and he got okay with the idea of DH comforting him.  Now if he wakes he calls for DH not me!  (a little bruise to the Mommy ego!).  So long story short - it will happen...and one day you will look back on this time and wonder how you ever did it! :)

[OdinsMommy0409]

My DS sounded exactly like your daughter. He woke up screaming every 15-45 minutes for 20 months. Then, someone recommended chiropractic care. Since we started going, his sleep has greatly improved with sleeping 1.5-2.5 hours straight and no screaming when he does wake. He also went from way off the charts for weight (3.25 SD) to back on the charts (2.15 SD) within 6 weeks. Incredible difference!!! I wish we had done it sooner, but I never thought about it. 

[carmen358]

NEastMomma, your post made me cry this morning after another hard night. Thanks so much for the encouragement. You described exactly how I feel sometimes.

OdinsMommy, thanks for the suggestion! We tried chiropractic care already and it didn't make a different unfortunately. I LOVE my chiro and have been seeing him for many years but it just didn't seem to help DD.

And thanks to everyone who replied. It really, really helps me get through the day hearing your wonderful (and hard!) experiences. I hope one day I'll on the "other side" and able to give encouragement to someone else.

We are slowly working on things and as I said, the white noise seems to be helping DD get to sleep without nursing which may in turn equal less wake ups. We are actually up to waking every 60 minutes so that's a big improvement for us. I will work on putting her down in her crib for naps and at the beginning of the night and see if she gets used to it.

[spinedoc]

Originally Posted by carmen358 

I've posted several times about DD not sleeping well at night. I'm pretty laid back about it for the most part and am lucky enough to be on mat. leave for 18 months so my work day is not affected.

However, I sometimes panic because things just keep getting worse. She is so happy, content, not high needs (and never has been) during the day but she wakes up all night, every night usually every 15-45 min. She falls asleep nursing within 10 minutes most nights and is in bed (we bed share) 12-13 hours. She wakes up happy and smiling in the morning. When she wakes up in the night however she sits up immediately and screams. It's not night terrors. She gets very gassy at night and seems to struggle to pass gas. She deals with constipation sometimes and has 14 teeth already. Last night I was listening to her sleep and I could hear her gurgle, cough and then wake up. However, she's never had reflux, has only spit up maybe 10 times in her entire life.

She also won't go back to sleep without me. Usually nursing or sometimes a cuddle. If my partner tries to soothe her she screams even more for me.

I'm really tired and sort of sad about the whole thing. I feel like I'm letting her down somehow by not providing her with enough sleep. She really never sleeps more than an hour. Since 7ish months old. I keep thinking it's something to do with her gasto system but GP doesn't seem concerned because she's super healthy and happy.

Encouragement? Ideas?

I've read the no-cry sleep solution and have had a couple of half-hearted attempts at it. Mostly I'm just too tired to try and it's easier in the short term to just nurse her.

This will stop right? Do I have to stop it (ie stop co-sleeping?)? I'd rather not stop co-sleeping and would like it to just work out on it's own if possible...

[/quote


Dear Carmen358,
First let me say " I totally feel your pain"! My now 2 year-old DD did not sleep well for the first 18 months of her life. It is extremely challenging and difficult but I promise you it will get better.
I too read The No-cry Sleep Solution, which helped a little. I also refused (REFUSED!) to let her cry it out.
What I finally realized about my DD is that she is a very light sleeper. She talks, laughs, cries, and moves around A LOT in her sleep. Here is what used to happen when she was sleeping in our room (in the co-sleeper, not in bed with us): she would talk/toss/turn ( but not actually wake up), which would in turn wake me up, then I would try to soothe her, then she would REALLY wake up and be royally ticked off! Then it would take nursing, pacifier, etc to get her back to sleep. So it was actually ME that was waking HER up.
Anyway, you mentioned that you are trying to get her to sleep more in her own crib..and I think that is good. Is she in her own room? My DD slept so much better once we moved her to her own room...she can now toss, turn, talk, and even cry in her sleep..but not actually wake up. If she really needs me she will certainly let me know! You mentioned that she likes her crib so that is definitely a good thing. Their crib/room should be their happy, safe, secure, cozy place.
With regards to the white noise, we have always used a fan or white noise for her. I am not familiar with speech delays related to white noise use..but I can tell you this, she has been speaking in full sentences since she was 18 months old, and she says EVERYTHING we say. I tend to stay away from google!
Anyway, I'm not sure what my point is... I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. My sleep-deprivation was so bad that it led to severe post-partum depression and anxiety.
You are doing a great job, just hang in there my friend...mom always knows best!

[carmen358]

Thanks spinedoc. We had a rough night last night again being up every 30 minutes. I think her 2nd set of molars are going to be brutal. She has had her fingers in her mouth so much the last few days. I'd rather not have her in her own room at this point but I also want to help her sleep so if it comes to that we might try it. I put her in her crib for her nap yesterday and she fell asleep fine (she was very tired because we had been out past her naptime) but woke up after 40 minutes and was sitting up wide awake by the time I got to her (in about a minute). As you said, I just can't imagine leaving her alone there to cry!

Thanks for the encouragement, this is all helping so much!!

[NEastMomma]

Dear Carmen

It can feel so lonely and overwhelmingly exhausting, this "night time parenting!"  I'm so glad you were able to find solace in the words we wrote to you.  Just remember: you are not alone.  You are walking in the steps that so many tired, worried mamas have walked before you.  We know your pain. 

You really are doing a great job!  As pp suggested, please try and snooze during the day when you can.  I only recently started doing this cuz I'd think," 20 min, what good will that do me?  I won't even be able to fall asleep for that short amnt of time - I should do dishes."  But you know what?  Resting your body and your eyelids, if only for 20 min is refreshing.  KWIM?  Now I savor those snippets of time and I wish I'd done that all along. 

If it will do you any good to vent, please feel free to PM me and I'll "listen."  I am very lucky to have an older sis who had gone thru the same thing and it did me a world of good to be able to vent/worry to her.  I am more than happy to hear you out and offer support as often as you need.  MDC is like a big community of sisters.  I know I've turned to these boards so often for support.  We are here for you!  You can do this!
 

[thedenverduo]

You are doing great mama! It sounds like you have a sensitive and loving little girl and you are meeting all her needs!

We did the white noise thing (still do) and it really really helped.  We just have fan on in the summers and a loud humidifier during the other months (we live in Denver, so it is really really dry here).  Ds was just a light little sleeper and I would like snore once or move my pillow and he would hear it and wake up.

This too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass. (:

[beebalmmama]

I don't know for sure but can't gluten inolerances be genetic sometimes?  I would look into an elimination diet and see how that goes.

My first was a horrible sleeper too and I finally nightweaned him at 18 months with dh's help. It helped enormously and he started to STTN for the first time.

 

[spinedoc]

Have you tried the Hyland's Teething Tablets? They are awesome!! We used them all through our teething drama!

Oh I forgot to mention... I let our DD cry it out ONCE....and she cried so hard she actually threw up... I promised myself I would never, ever do it again.

Also, I wonder if all of this sleeping stuff is a "December baby" thing?!  I too have a December baby!!

Hang in there!

[lemontree]

I have read and re read this thread 50 times since I came across it.  It just feels so good to know I am not alone with the nonstop all night nursing, and the going to bed early just so I can cope....DS is 16months and I have no interest in CIO and no energy for other methods....

thank you.

[memz]

I was at the sam eplace just one month ago. My DD was never a good sleeper, we coslept and she would wake about every hour and if DH tried to get her back to sleep she would scream! Then one night, actually remember the date january 24th , DD had just turned 12 months, I went out for a dinner with friens and was supposed to get back before her bedtime. But she got tired before while I was still out. So DH decided to try and put her to bed in her playpen that's in our room and where she took her naps during the day. Well he said he gave her her piggy and turtle and said good night. He said he heard her babbling a bit she fussed for 1 minute and fell asleep. That night she slept from 8h to 6h!! Then I brought her into bed with us and she nursed and fell back asleep until 8h!

Ever since that night, I nurse her and then DH puts her to bed with her dolls and she sleeps from 7h to 7h... I mean I sometimes can't even believe it. She went from waking every hour to sleeping 10-12h. I miss the cosleeping but I guess she sleeps better in her own space. Hang in there I know  it's hard!

[RiverandJulie]

Also, I wonder if all of this sleeping stuff is a "December baby" thing?!  I too have a December baby!!

Hang in there!

Hmmmm, mine is a December baby too!  What is that all about.  Also, I cant get teething tablets anymore.  Every store says they just cant get them.  I have tried a few other homeopathics and they just dont work as well.