DD help: also in Special Needs Parenting

[treemom2]

This is information from a thread I posted in Special Needs Parenting.  I'd love some help from you all since I will be pulling her out of school this month.  Since posting this information, her testing came back and she does not qualify for special education.  Anyone else here teaching a child with attention issues?  Any and all suggestions would be great!!

Here is a link to the other thread:  http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1294591/dd-issues-i-don-t-know-what-to-do-any-and-all-opinions-appreciated-mods-please-move-if-this-should-be-in-school-forum-instead

1st post:  My DD is 9 years old.  She is loving, kind, wants to be helpful. . .she loves doing art, sewing, finger knitting, singing.  She attended Japanese school from age 4 through 7.  Although the teachers thought she was easily distracted (and this frustrated one of her teachers), they all enjoyed having her in their classes.  They'd comment on how quickly she'd learn dances or songs for events.  During her last year in Japanese school she started finding it difficult to keep up in the reading and math so we put her in Kumon for math and got her a tutor for the reading.  The tutor had to use a timer to help keep DD on task and in Kumon she had trouble passing the tests because there was so much going on around her in the room.  So, we ended up pulling her out of Japanese school and I started homeschooling with her using Calvert.  It was slow going.  She'd forget things from day to day, like how to read or how to do math problems.  I'd get frustrated because we'd learn a word before reading a story, learn it again the first time she read it in the story, then have to learn it again on the next page.  I had a hard time keeping her on task, staring at her pencil or playing with a piece of fuzz was much more exciting.  I have to admit, I was not being the mom I wanted to be.  I started being strict, yelling, banging on the desk to get her attention.  When we moved, we heard this new school was a really good one so DH and I decided to try her in school.  Well. . .she's now in ESL, Remedial reading, Remedial math, and the teachers all recommended special education testing.  They thought she had a memory or processing disability.  They all mentioned attention problems and wanting her to be seen at the clinic for meds (we don't want meds).  DH is a special education teacher at this same school.  He does agree that DD has some attention problems, but does not want to medicate.  He also was against the testing, but I wanted it to go forward so we might have some more insight into our DD.  Well, that testing came back today.  UGH!!  According to the testing she's borderline for qualifying for sped.  She's also borderline MR.  She has memory issues, issues with language, issues with math. . .pretty much everything on the test except for auditory processing and auditory attention. . .everything else she was in like the 3rd percentile.  After looking at the test, DH would like me to bring her home and start homeschooling with her again. . .I have to admit being worried about doing this. . .I worry about my frustration level.  Another worry with bring her home to homeschool is DS.  DS is gifted.  He's 6 and has already passed DD in reading and math.  I know she hates being the worst in her class at school, she hates that she can't do anything (her words for both of these) and I worry about bringing her home and her feeling bad because DS is so much ahead of her.  I really don't know what to do!!

2nd post:  My DH is a special education teacher who specializes in behavioral and emotional disabilities.  He's really wonderful at his job.  We live in Belgium and he works for an International School.  78% of the students at his school are gifted or on the higher level of the bell curve. . .most of the teachers are unable or unwilling to work effectively with children who do not fall into the school "norm".  Our dd does not fall into that 78%. . .so he worries about the teachers she will and does have at this school.  Also, when my DH was young he was very much like our DD.  He was placed in special ed for reading and spent an entire year not being able to go to recess because he couldn't pass his spelling tests.  He does not want this to happen to our DD.  Right now she's coming home and talking about how she's the dumbest kid in her class and how her teacher hates her.  On her weekly letter home, she has to write herself, she often has notes from her teacher that says, "DD was not able to complete this in over an hour and it is still incomplete".  He thinks I can do a better job working with her daily than she will get at school and we will also be able to spend more time on activities she enjoys like sewing, knitting, dancing, etc. . .  He does admit he's seen medication really help some children, but he's also seen the other side. . .where medication takes a curious, communicative, happy child and turns them into something else.  He's always seeing doctors changing meds around and children getting worse and worse.  Another thing, is the doctors we have access to are very quick with medication for everything. . .every time we've gone to the clinic we've been offered a drug for something.  We also discontinued vaxing after DD had a reaction to the DPT (which may be where this came from, we don't know) and we try to stay under the radar as much as possible by trying to avoid the clinic.  We do follow a natural diet at home, we eat mostly whole foods and give our children supplements like probiotics, cod liver oil, and multi vitamin green drinks.  We eat a lot of fish for the omegas.  We have thought about cutting gluten as well to see if that helps, but living in Belgium makes that somewhat hard. . .but not impossible.  DD really is as sweet as can be.  She's thoughtful, compassionate, helpful (although it might take a little extra time). . .one of her school counselors says she's the most polite child she's ever worked with (this isn't her counselor, but she loves to go on walks with her during recess instead of playing with the other kids on the playground).  Honestly, I'm not sure if academia is ever going to be the place for DD. . .but I'd like for her to learn the skills she'll need to live a happy and successful enough life.  Perhaps if I bring her home again to homeschool we can spend maybe an hour a day working on math skills, writing, spelling, reading. . .and the rest of the time working on things she can use later like her sewing, knitting, cooking (she loves to cook), etc. . .where ever her interests take us :)  I do worry about home schooling her with DS also home schooling. . .since like I said before he's already passing her academically. . .but perhaps if we put just as much time and energy into her life skills and think about those as just as important as the academic stuff. . .well, she'll probably always be a better crafter, communicator than her brother so they will both have their "gifts" they can be proud of.

3rd post:The first few days after getting the testing back I was really freaked out.  However, now I'm feeling confident and ready for the next step!  DD is finishing up her testing at school then I'm bringing her home to school again.  DH would like to make an activity box with colored strips for each subject.  DD will get to pick one activity in each color to do a day (so a red for a math activity, an orange for spelling, a yellow for writing, etc. . .).  Each activity should take less than 10 minutes for her to complete.  I'm also going to try to sign her up for a sewing class and I'd like her still to attend specials at the school (PE, French, culture, art, and music).  She'll also still attend Brownies, Knitting club, and Sign language club at the school.

I do know that IQ score is incorrect.  Friday she brought home a packet of work she was unable to complete in class (her morning work, none of it was done). . .she was able to complete the entire weeks worth of work in less than an hour at home with minimal assistance.  I really think she's just very distracted in school and at home she doesn't have these distractions (she's so social).  I think now that I know it's not just me having a hard time teaching her. . .well, it's done wonders for my self esteem as a homeschooling mom.  I realize now she was doing much better with me at home. . .and I've realized I just need to take things a little slower with her.  I think I'm okay with that :)  I really wish I had a homeschooling group here for those times when I'm doubting myself. . .but, unfortunately, I don't.

[Aeress]

Some children who have attention problems, staying on task, trouble with math and reading really have a vision problem. My daughter, aged 9, was diagnosed last summer through a developmental optometrist- she has problems with keeping her eyes focused, staying on task, etc. We started therapy over the summer and are still going, and it has helped immensely.

This may be worth checking into.

My other dd is more of a visual/spatial learner, she fidgets, she hums, she twiddles and still learns quite well. The problem, getting her to fidget without disrupting her work. She has alws had some attention issues and keeping on task. In fact, I am going to make her a sheet to help her complete tasks and keep focused. Somedays are better than others.

Homeschooling may remove some "atmosphere" interference issues, like lighting, other children etc but it will also bring new distractions.

We aren't planning to get our 6 yr old tested since she can do the work, eventually, if it is broken down into smaller chunks, she can take breaks or we can help refocus her. What did the testing actually say? What areas did they test? Where they just looking for add?

I would find out if you can get a vision screen done, by a developmental Op first, then maybe an independent eval for other areas of concern. Homeschooling may work well for her and work to her advantage by working with her strengths.

[sleet76]

I'm sorry you guys are having a had time finding your path. I wanted to throw out there that if medication would help your daughter, it may be worth a try.  You can always stop using it, and it may be the key that allows her to access her learning potential, and help your homeschooling experience to be positive instead of negative.  If you are homeschooling, you will be a great position to evaluate the success or failure of medicating in general, or the more subtle effects of different dosing or medication types, therefore you will likely be able to find a good med and dose for her, if she does indeed have ADHD. 

I say this from experience, as my middle child has ADHD, and taking Ritalin has been a fabulous tool for our family.  I am thankful that he is home with me, as I can tailor his meds to fit our needs, and I see the results of everything first-hand, and don't need to rely on the opinions of teachers and administrators.  We are now able to have a pretty typical experience at home with lots of pleasant and happy interactions (when before medication intervention, things were VERY frustrating for everyone--I can totally relate to the yelling and table-banging you described). He has been able to access a normal attention span and has soared ahead in his schooling.  Come to find out, he is actually significantly gifted, and had flown through years of understanding and learning, when before he could hardly keep his mind on track to have a normal conversation.  This may not be the path for you guys at all, but I wanted to relay my experience so that you may be able to see a positive face on medication.

Also, make sure you understand the mechanism of stimulant medication before you rule it out--I felt much more confident trying it once I realized that you are in no way tranquilizing your ADHD kid--you are giving them a stimulant that allows their under-active brain control center to perk up and exert control of their attention (this affects SO many aspects of their awareness and behavior) and have a more normal response to the world.  For my son, it has seemed like we have found a tool that will allow him the opportunity to find success.

Good luck! 

[Lisa1970]

I would look at private testing to see what could be wrong. The schools do not tend to do the best job on testing.

You are going to love home schooling! You daughter will get her self esteem back. You both will just love it! Congrats on your decision!!!