how long is too long for a loan? - Page 2

[waiting2bemommy]

wow. Everyone seems to be focusing on the mom and whether she is "using drugs."  Honestly my first thought was the boyfriend/baby's father. It sounds like he is speaking for her. What kind of guy is he? Is it possible that he is deliberately isolating hre from her friends and family? Just my 2 cents on that....

As far as the loan goes, I would not epect to get that stuff back any time soon. I would assume that she didn't get or read the note and simply go over to her house and say, "hey, sorry to spring up on you like this, but I need to grab a couple of those books I loaned you...I had a question I need to research. I can drop them back off to you tomorrow if you are still using them." Which at 2 months she probably is. While you're there ask, "have you tried the wrap yet?" If not, maybe you can leave it a little longer or if you discern that she probably won't use it then ask for that back too.

I think either way 2 months is very, very early to expect any new mom to be thinking about returning loaned out baby stuff. A brand new first time single mom who had one week to prepare and is now being harassed and "monitored" by CPS on top of everything else, definitely, absolutely for sure way WAY too early for it to be on her radar.

[mattemma04]

If I loan things it is with the realization that I might not get it back. In this case I would wait a few months or as someone suggested take a meal, and once there IF appropriate  ask if she is done with the loaner items.

I am guessing the OP loaned items to tide the new mom over till she got her own stuff.

Don't loan stuff you would be upset not getting back. Better to just buy the person the same thing as a gift,or give your stuff as a gift.

[sublimeliving]

It sounds like the wrap is very sentimental to you. I would call her (if she doesn't answer, call another time), and tell her you want to drop by and get the wrap you lent her. I don't think it will be a big deal to her. I understand that you wanted to help her, but I would get the wrap back so that you don't have to worry (especially if she may drift away as a friend). 

The books- I would let her know that she can keep them until she is done reading them, and then she can return them to you. 

I've had plenty of people just keep my stuff, so I don't loan out sentimental things anymore. I now loan it thinking, hmm, I might never get this back. I completely understand where you are coming from. You are a good friend!

[chiefmir]

if getting the wrap back is a sentimental issue, and not purely financial (I mean, that you'd have the money to buy another one if you suddenly needed to) then maybe you can call to ask if she has had a chance to use the wrap... that you wanted to stop by to visit some time soon and were thinking that getting her her own wrap (if she liked it) would be a nice thing to bring by.  If she hasn't even used it, then ask to pick it up when you come.  If she loved it, maybe you can find one on craigslist or some other site for a good price and buy it (or see if any other friends want to go in with you) for her. 

She probably has NO idea what baby things could be important to another mother.  As a mom who didn't baby wear really (none with DD1, very little with DD2 and DD3) at all, I would never have any more attachment to my mei tai than to any other piece of baby gear...and if I wasn't on message boards, I wouldn't think that anyone else would either :)

[peacelove&camping]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy 

Honestly my first thought was the boyfriend/baby's father. It sounds like he is speaking for her. What kind of guy is he? Is it possible that he is deliberately isolating hre from her friends and family? Just my 2 cents on that.... 

nah, i don't think he is. he's a good guy, and we're friends with both of them. the sortof-blowoff i get from him almost feels more like he's uncomfortable talking about her, maybe he thinks she *should* be getting out more or something, maybe he feels she's isolating *herself*. it's hard to say. i don't want to bother them with all their stress so i just don't push them.

i posted this more to see if i was crazy to think it was a decent length of time. the books i realize now i was kindof dumb to think about taking back. i don't really know, i think i was thinking if she wasn't using them, she'd give them back, and if she was, she would buy her own. that may be true for the wrap, and it was what i intended in loaning it, but for the books it doesn't really make sense. so thanks for that guys :)

i did run into her the other day. she was with her folks so i couldn't really say anything like 'dude, you've dropped off the face of the planet, wth' but i did say we should go out for coffee or anything she wants to get her out of the house. she looks great and the baby's getting big :) i didn't ask about the wrap  but i did notice she wasn't wearing it.... hmmmm....

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiefmir 

She probably has NO idea what baby things could be important to another mother.  As a mom who didn't baby wear really (none with DD1, very little with DD2 and DD3) at all, I would never have any more attachment to my mei tai than to any other piece of baby gear...and if I wasn't on message boards, I wouldn't think that anyone else would either :)

if there was a 'like' button on mdc, i would like this. :)

[kristandthekids]

It took me 4 months to start feeling human again after my first, and I had 9 months to prep.  I can't imagine only having 1 week.

I agree with most of the others.  When I loan stuff, it's until they've grown out of it.  And if it's something special that I would want to keep/not have poo stained/whatever, I don't loan it.

Maybe buy her her own wrap and do a little switch?

[MittensKittens]

I can't imagine finding out I was pregnant at 39 weeks and giving birth a week later. That must be so stressful, especially if she had an unhealthy lifestyle throughout. Returning stuff lent to her must be the last thing on her mind... But I understand your POV too. Stuff I lent out and never got back includes my favorite book, a stroller, a baby carrier, and a baby nursery wardrobe. The last time I lent something out, I knew that I might not get it back, and I was fine with that. It was a stroller I lent out to another MDC mama. I never use strollers, but this was a nice stroller. Her baby turned out to love strollers, but she and her husband broke it by folding it wrongly. I figure that it is a shame, but at least the stroller (oh, and there's a carseat with the same mom too! Just remembered that one!) did not take up space in my small apartment, and someone got some pleasure out of them.