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***Bitter Sushi Ladies February 2011 Thread*** - Page 6

post #101 of 299

hug2.gif to everyone and thank you all for the warm welcome hug2.gif

 

Lavatea - I for sure see the lines. If it is any consolation, my lines have never been super dark, even with DD and since I had had a miscarriage before her, I did 15 tests, same result and still didn't believe I was pg. I am thinking of you.

 

Monkey - I totally hear you. One of my SIL is pg now for the second time with twins by 'total accident' and is complaining how they will they ever afford it. I just want to smack her.

 

rcr - thinking of you and wishing you very best luck.

 

LTB - that is so sad. I know my DD really wants to be a big sister too and I am fighting back tears when I have to explain to her that we are trying very hard to make that happen.

 

 

Last night DH happened to mention to his mother that we had had 4 more losses since we last spoke to her and her reaction? " when is she ever going to just be grateful for the one she has"  angry.gifI've barely spoken to DH since b/c we had agreed not to tell her after the first 3 for the very reason that she really dislikes me and does not care much for DD ( forgets birthdays, no visits ever, etc etc). Sorry, little rant.

 

I re-read Coming to Term yet again. I know that for us, carrying another baby to term is out of our control and is now down to complete random luck ( because the testing shows no known cause, we have had multiple losses incl. 4 partial molars and b/c of our age 38) - it's just such a bitter pill to swallow.

 

 

post #102 of 299

LTB & Collie - Reading about your LOs just about made me cry! I guess I should be grateful that at least I only have my own disappointment to deal with.

 

Beloved - Will miss you, but totally get why you need to step away!

 

Lavatea - I see the line on the top, but have a hard time seeing the one on the bottom. But I'm also a very inexperienced tester! I think I've taken 4 pregnancy tests, ever, that I read myself (I've had 3-4 the doctor did), and none were ever positive.

 

Jane - Woohoo!! Keep growing that baby! And that is really, really weird about the miscarriage/ultrasound connection!

 

AFM, work is still occupying most of my time. I still need to contact the RE and ask me what he wants me to do, since I bled the whole time I was on prometrium, and then haven't bled since a few days after going off of it. What a waste of $40. But due to dh's schooling snafus, it's not like we really have money to pursue this stuff anyway. Sigh. Still waiting on another W2 so we can get our tax refund. Oh, and I keep getting what I think is ovarian pain on my right (and occasionally left) side. Grr!

 

On the plus side, there is a chance that two of my problem students (one of them my very worst problem student), who have problem parents, will be leaving the school after tomorrow. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it would make my life so much better. I feel guilty about how excited it makes me. However, the kid himself is over the moon at the thought of a new school, and he's certainly doing horribly at this school, so I really hope a new school might help him succeed.

post #103 of 299
Thanks for saying I will be missed, but I don't know how to get off of the TTC wagon, I have been at it so long, I don't know how not to TTC (and that includes coming here)

xox
post #104 of 299

http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/12/2/387.full.pdf Supportive care a miscarriage clinic increases live birth rate. 

 

Not the one I was speaking of, but same idea. 

post #105 of 299

LTB - so sad about your DD. I am scared that my DS will be the same way if we don't have one by the time he is her age. He is 3.5 and he talks often about wanting a brother and a sister. He loves babies. I too never thought I would feel so old at 34, and now I'm 35, even older! But really, we are still plenty young enough for more babies to come, and I pray that it will happen!

 

Beloved your coworker cracks me up! I can't believe she wouldn't just fess up..It's somewhere between really sad and really hilarious. Also, that is very interesting about the aloe vera juice. You'll have to keep us posted on that if you decide to keep posting.

 

Kyamo, about the weight issue. Up until a year or so ago, I was always very thin. When I got pregnant with DS, I was tiny. Teeny tiny, borderline underweight. So, I agree with those who have said ovulation is a much bigger issue than weight. I was ovulating nicely, thanks to my acupuncture, back then. Now, I'm fatter but not ovulating much.

 

rcr I am so hopeful for you right now!!!!!! smile.gif

 

AFM, temps way, way down today. I still don't think I ever O'ed. This is now just one day short of the longest cycle since I started charting. And that really, really scares me. I just feel like maybe it is time to go for the clomid and skip months of acupuncture, even though acupuncture did work last time. I'm just scared that I am too old to waste that time. But then, acupuncture worked for me before. So I'm torn. DH thinks we should do the acu for 3 months at least. It took 4 last time though. But I don't know. There is no guarantee either way, and I guess the fact is, we may be about to move. DH has an interview tomorrow. I really hope this one will work out and we can move. If we do move back to Dallas, I would most definitely be willing to go back to acupuncture with the lady that helped us get DS!!!! But if we don't move, I am leaning toward looking for a new ob/gyn who would monitor me on Clomid. Someone give me the lowdown on Clomid. i need more info. Is there a risk of birth defects? Are the side effects awful?

 

Also, we are going this weekend to see some of the IL's and my DS is terrified. Actually, I am a little bit too, because they are pretty mean. They also are not really kid or baby people. We havent' seen them in 2 yrs. I really need prayers from those of you who are praying types. Or good vibes. Whatever you do, I need it!  I may not be able to stomach my SIL being mean to her little girl, or the remarks from her about how she is so grateful she only has one child, so she can drive her new BMW. She is just about unbearable. Wish me luck.

post #106 of 299
Thread Starter 
drive by posting from my phone.

I am in the waiting room at the RE. Retrieval in an hour.
post #107 of 299

RCR - Good luck!!!!  You must be excited/nervous!

 

GMUM - Hopefully this one is the lucky one for you!

 

AFM - I just want to vent about my craziness, I am crazy.  I have done 3 pregnancy tests today, I think I am 11dpo but am just guessing, I had no signs of o this month so maybe I didn't o at all but yet I can't stop myself from testing.  And it's not that I have any symptoms or anything at all out of the ordinary that I could hope were symptoms I just can't help myself.  I intended to do one test this morning and I did and I think there was an immediate evap line cause there was this very faint grey line, not nice and pink, but I made myself crazy over it so 2 hours later I did the second test and saw the same not really there grey line and so that made me remain crazy so I ran out from work and bought a digital which said NO. I also did a test 4 days ago and one 3 days ago.  It is seriously like an addiction - and one that I cannot afford if dh had any idea the money I've wasted on these tests, not to mention on opk's he'd flip out.  And I don't really even want to know this early - I've had 2 chemical pregnancies and if I had waited until my period was due to test I never would have known and for me that would have been better.  Every month I tell myself (and I believe myself) that I will not test unless my period is late but every month I break down.  This month I must say I've been crazier than ever about it and I wonder how many more tests I will do before af shows.  I think I am super crazy this month because we have been trying now for 10 months and it took us 10 months to conceive dd so I think I had it in my head that this would be it.  I hate myself for not being able to control myself, it's like there are 2 people in my head, one is rational and sane and the other is irrational, insane and obsessive.  irked.gif

post #108 of 299
Smilesarefree, I am like that too, part rational, part obsessive. I think it goes with the territory. Good luck, I hope they were faint BFPs, and not evaps fingersx.gif

rcr, joy.gif I am so excited for you. I have a good feeling. It may sound silly, but I can visualize you on the BFP list smile.gif

Me? My coworker is not being particularly nice to me, and I don't know the reason. It crossed my mind that she knew I was talking about her, but that is silly, she wouldn't be here, let alons on this thread.

Oh, I made the mistake of going out into the forum and it is just so frustrating. Some people get BFPs so easily, I wish it were that easy. I would have a 2 year old.
post #109 of 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smilesarefree View Post

AFM - I just want to vent about my craziness, I am crazy.  I have done 3 pregnancy tests today, I think I am 11dpo but am just guessing, I had no signs of o this month so maybe I didn't o at all but yet I can't stop myself from testing.  And it's not that I have any symptoms or anything at all out of the ordinary that I could hope were symptoms I just can't help myself.  I intended to do one test this morning and I did and I think there was an immediate evap line cause there was this very faint grey line, not nice and pink, but I made myself crazy over it so 2 hours later I did the second test and saw the same not really there grey line and so that made me remain crazy so I ran out from work and bought a digital which said NO. I also did a test 4 days ago and one 3 days ago.  It is seriously like an addiction - and one that I cannot afford if dh had any idea the money I've wasted on these tests, not to mention on opk's he'd flip out.  And I don't really even want to know this early - I've had 2 chemical pregnancies and if I had waited until my period was due to test I never would have known and for me that would have been better.  Every month I tell myself (and I believe myself) that I will not test unless my period is late but every month I break down.  This month I must say I've been crazier than ever about it and I wonder how many more tests I will do before af shows.  I think I am super crazy this month because we have been trying now for 10 months and it took us 10 months to conceive dd so I think I had it in my head that this would be it.  I hate myself for not being able to control myself, it's like there are 2 people in my head, one is rational and sane and the other is irrational, insane and obsessive.  irked.gif


yeahthat.gif I could have written this post. I really feel like AF is coming. Which totally sucks if she does show, not only b/c I hate her and don't want her, but also because then I'll have to go through the whole convince myself those faint lines were just evaps or something so I don't have to go through the process of naming the baby and grieving. It's like November all over again. I really need to stop testing until later in the cycle (like, after AF has actually no-showed). BTW, temp was at 97.9 this morning. greensad.gif

rcr - Thinking of you. How did it go?

collie - I was also thinking of you today and how you said you were petrified to start TTC. I totally understand that feeling. No words of wisdom or anything, but I am praying for you.

lilmom - Praying for you, too.
post #110 of 299

rcr:  Good luck! fingersx.gif

 

Smilesarefree:  I'm a POAS-lunatic, too.  There are cycles that I use 10 or 12 pregnancy tests.  Do you order yours online?  They're supercheap--my last order was I think 40 tests for $7 or $8.

 

Beloved:  hug.gif

 

Hugs to everyone else--I'm mostly here to be self-centered again.  WTH.  My beautiful luteal phase, 15-17 days, was only 13 this cycle.  Or maybe I O'd even earlier than I thought, I don't know.  This cycle I hit 8 weeks on Metformin--I understand it takes about 8 weeks to be fully effective.  So, I O'd on CD 14 (or I guess maybe 12 or 13), which is good, I guess.  But if I O'd on CD 14, then my LP is crapping out on me.  If I O'd on CD 12, I had a 15 LP.  But FF and I both think day 14.  Anyone want to look over my stupid chart and give me an opinion?  It's the January 14 cycle.  Ugh ugh ugh.  Oh, and gonna have to delay DH's next SA and his follow-up urology appointment.  We finally get started on this stuff with specialists and come to an immediate stand-still.  Oh, and of course my hopes were all up, because MIL dreamed of twin grandchildren, and DH dreamed of a little daughter.  Why do people tell me these things?  I'm going to go have a good cry, and then get drunk.

 

ETA:  lavatea, we cross-posted.  I'm sending good thoughts for you.

post #111 of 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinza View Post

ETA:  lavatea, we cross-posted.  I'm sending good thoughts for you.


Back at you, Kinza. Sorry things are looking cruddy right now. hug.gif
post #112 of 299

Thanks all for letting me know that I am not alone in the crazy obessive pee on a stick world.  And they were definitley bfn's, I don't think that I even saw grey, I just stared so hard at them that I could see the empty space where the color is supposed to go!!!  I haven't got any online, and I can't get dollar store tests here, so I am paying a fortune. 40 for $7 I need to look into that, gee, how many would I use in a cycle if I have 40! 

post #113 of 299

BelovedK... I am trying to figure out the whole "I was pregnant without a positive test" thing. I mean I suppose one can have reasons to suspect that, in a sense. I just don't know if one can even call it a pregnancy without a positive test. I would like to see the faces of the people to whom she tells this story. They  must be going "Ummmm.... ooookay...!!??"

 

In the past month I have been less alone with all this: I have realized that I have friends who think of us and pray for us and are willing to listen. While it is sometimes hard to have friends who keep having kids, on the other hand they understand the value of life and how difficult it can be to not be able to have children. (What I mean is that they are not the types to have 1 or 2 and be done, so they don't expect me to be thrilled with just one.)

 

I would really like to have a home study done, find our little one on a special needs listing, and go take him (her?) home. In reality, we don't even have the money for the home study, and none of it works smoothly like that. In the real world I will see a doctor mid March, on dd's 6th birthday, and start the (mostly very short) process of testing. For the first time I wish they would find something big. I think that if we knew we were not having any more biological children, also dh would be quick to try to arrange that home study. In that case we might even be able to get a loan from some relatives.

 

I think it is unlikely that they will find something big that would suggest we are done having kids. I don't want to go through another year or two of trying different things. (Since we would not be doing anything more than Clomid, if even that, there is not all that much, most likely, that they can do.) I am thinking I really should try to lose weight, as it is not impossible that our problem is not a huge one. I am just too tired of all this to come up with the hope needed for motivation. Meanwhile, I am so sick and tired of all this and don't have much trust in my body. I really, for the first time ever, would probably prefer never being pregnant again. (I cannot believe I am saying this. Yet, my body is really not handling things well, so to add pregnancy to eveything might make things a whole lot worse.) I just want more kids, and then to move on, living with my family. Right now I really feel I could move on, if we could adopt, preferably more than one. Instead, I am stuck.... We are all getting olfer, won't have the money for years (without a loan)... Just sad stuff. I feel worse because of dd than I do for dh and myself. It is hard that she has to witness all the many little ones being announced all the time. It is sad to be only 5 and to be asking the big "Why me?"

 

Just a bit sad tonight. I do have hope that there is a reason behind all this. Like I tried to tell dd the other day "Maybe the child we are waiting for has not even been born, yet, so we need to wait." I am just so disgusted with my body. All it knows is how to get fat and hang on to the weight. I think I am having some childhood issues come up these days... That is how I used to feel about my body, growing up. (I was not really obese, but tall and chubby and not athletic.... with a sister who was skinny and super athletic. Little did I know I probably has hypothyroidism all along. I wish they tested kids...)


Edited by LessTraveledBy - 2/11/11 at 4:00pm
post #114 of 299
I'm sure you're all annoyed by now (I am) but here's the latest update: I'm totally obsessed so I bought a good test at the drugstore. Nada. Not even a hint of a line. So I don't know what was up with the other two, but it looks like if there ever was anything, it's gone now. I didn't use FMU, and that's the only glimmer of hope I'm holding on to. I have one more test that came in the box. Going to *try* to hold out a few days. I think AF will most likely show tonight or tomorrow, if she's going to, so I probably won't have to hold out long.
post #115 of 299
Thread Starter 
Hi all. I just got home and it has been a pretty long day so this is pretty much going to be a afm post, but I do want to do personals - especially to lavatea and beloved. I'll just send you a hug for now though hug.gif because I don't want to type it all out on my phone. I am thinking of you both.

They retrieved 8 little eggs today. I think at least two of them are going to be small because they were only seeing 6 on the ultrasound. I will get a call from them in the morning to find out how many made it and were fertilized. The procedure was not horrible. I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember was watching the view and it was interrupted with the news about Egypt, then they wheeled me away and I woke up in recovery. The nurse said I kept asking if I could see the eggs as they were retrieving them. Apparently they said no. They had to be whisked away to a nice warm place.

It is weird to think that I may have babies growing in a petri dish 2 hours away from me. I am trying to concentrate on sending them all the love and good vibes that I can.
post #116 of 299
Oh lavatea hug.gif I'm sorry, I did see something on your pictures HUGE hug2.gif I know the horrible feeling greensad.gif

rcr, I am so excited for you!!!!!!!!

On another (happy) note. DH and I are getting along like newlyweds love.gif He has snapped out of his funky mood, and I think part of it was that he wasn't getting enough sleep and it was making him cranky. He also has family worries about his kids greensad.gif Too bad I am not fertile right now because every day love.gifwink1.gif I had a nice dance lesson today, and am ready to move on emotionally from TTC, but even then, it is hard to stop the actual process.
post #117 of 299

Oh Lavatea!  I'm sorry!

 

Beloved...that's awesome news. 

post #118 of 299

Hi ladies.  I took a nice long break from the forum and to be honest, we took a break from TTC as well (I know you ladies understand).  While at the moment we are in the "waiting to be ready" phase, I think the fact that I called and made an appt with a RE today means we are, in some ways, back on the journey, although we are not officially trying yet.  I didn't realize what a big step it is for us, for me, to make that call until I finally did and realized that it just really took some time for me to be ready.  Somehow scheduling that appointment just has a significance that I had not been able to fully accept until today.  So here I am. 

 

My thread info can remain the same, no changes needed. 

 

post #119 of 299
Beloved - That's great! Hey sometimes it is nice to just enjoy it without the pressure of TTC sex.

rcr - That's great that they got more than expected, hopefully they will all fertilise. Do you know yet when your transfer is?

lavatea - I'm so sorry. I hope it was just the lack of FMU, but either way hug2.gif for you.


ETA: Hey, I"m a senior member now!
post #120 of 299

LTB -  sorry that you are feeling sad today and sorry that your daughter is sad about not having a sibling, I worry that in a few years that will be my daughter, I am 36 and my mom and her sister both started menopause in their early 40's so it is something that is in the back of my head I worry that I only have a few years left and my body is not cooperating, I feel panicked about it.

 

Lavatea - I also saw something on your pics, it's not over until she shows right hug2.gif

 

RCR - it is so weird to think that you have babies growing right now in a petri dish!!  Ah the wonders of modern science!!!  (I am a big geek!)

 

Beloved - Glad to hear that your dh has snapped out of it! 

 

AFM - trying to not do anymore tests...

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