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***Bitter Sushi Ladies February 2011 Thread*** - Page 15

post #281 of 299

Hi everyone,

 

Reading and thinking of you all.

 

When I joined here, I had pretty regular cycles... This cycle and the one before it, not so much. The past one I think I messed up by using too much of the progesterone cream. This one has been weird from the beginning. I am supposedly 15 dpo, although I think I might disagree with FF and think 13 dpo. Still no cramps, but little twinges here and there. I wish I could hope. It is just that the past is too strong in my mind to allow me to hope. I saved fmu but am trying to talk myself into not buying a test, as I would feel so dumb wasting that money. They are $$ here.

post #282 of 299
lilmom-
I'll definitely keep an eye out then. My cycles aren't terribly long right now (last time I o'd at CD 19-20), but I'm glad to know I should keep an eye out. I was diagnosed PCOS because of irregular periods in the past, no periods during this attempt (see below), two miscarriages, weight gain, acne and increased and dark facial hair, they said that was enough to diagnose me, and that there wasn't any kind of real test. I had an ultrasound that came up fine, but she said cysts aren't always present in PCOS. I don't know much about how all this works, so I've just been going by what she said. I had very thorough thyroid and other various hormone testing over the past few years because of some very random weight gain, and sudden hair loss (the doctors have no earthly idea why I started losing my hair in clumps a few years ago, but it grew back after I shaved it all off and started on evening primrose and women's rogaine, and I never had that problem again, so they've given up trying to figure it out), so I'm a little confident, but I know how that stuff can change. I've been poked and prodded all over for years by various doctors looking for everything from lupus to various cancers, to hiatus hernias with rare and bizarre symptoms and beyond, the most they've found, besides PCOS, is nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (likely from the bipolar medication lithium, which helped me until I could get my life stable, and therefore my mental health), psych meds with odd reactions (I finally started losing weight when I went off them to start TTC) and some shattered cartilage in my knee caps that never healed properly that may have been contributing to weight gain and may be responsible for my leg and back pain. My doctors (and I've seen several now) have shrugged in answer to my questions more times than they've answered them, and they're really confused by all my medical issues getting better all of a sudden over the past couple months.

As for cycles, when I was young, my periods were irregular. I would get two periods in one month, or no period for two months, etc. my cramps were bad enough that I would have no choice but to call in to work at times. The one time they threatened to fire me for it, I wound up doubled over on the floor, and then wound up in the ER after just two hours at work. They gave me a heavy painkiller of some kind and sent me home to sleep for a couple days. My boss at the time was a very cool boss who apologized and promised to listen in the future, she even gave me an "I'm sorry" greeting card. When my PCP heard about it all, she put me on birth control to level it out, and I was fine from then on (and a stellar employee who never called in sick) until I had to go off from losing my insurance. I was young and stupid, and lived a bit reckless for a while, and had my first miscarriage (improper condom use). A few years later I had a second one, and went back to the pill after that. My periods were irregular, but still frequent enough then, no difference from earlier in life. I met my husband later that year, once I had cleaned myself up a bit, we dated for a year, were engaged for a year, and after the honeymoon we put the pill away and decided we were ready to start TTC. 6-7 months later, I still hadn't had a period. They got me to have a period on Provera, and then to O on Clomid. That's where I am now, needing to break from Clomid to see if my husband needs anything (he got forgotten in all of my own mess). It's quite possible the miscarriages were the result of my bad choices, which I don't really want to describe on here right now, or they could be related to my current problem.

My Provera use made me depressed, hormonal and made my hips and lower back hurt, but I used coping skills I acquired while dealing with bipolar disorder (type 2 with mostly manic states, my coping skills focus a lot on breathing exercises and remaining calm while waiting for the problem to pass, took me years to learn, and I still have trouble, but it's so helpful), and locked myself in my apartment for a while and I got through it ok. It's a frightening drug. A friend of mine was on it for a while and it made her paranoid and suicidal. I was terrified to take it, but wanted to give it a chance. I can't imagine how it would be trying to take it while not being a stay at home housewife type.

I really appreciate the encouragement. I know it's not impossible, and I really don't even know a lot of people with infertility issues, and I know those divorces had all kinds of other problems, from infidelity to "surprise honey! I just quit my job and dropped out of college and want to lay around on the couch all day every day!". It's just difficult sometimes when you don't hear success stories very often. I also just feel awful sometimes because I spent so much time preparing for pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing but now I'm at a loss with infertility stuff, and there's so much and often conflicting information out there, I find it hard to know who to trust and where to turn. My doctors don't even always tell me the same thing, or tell me things in a confusing way that makes it hard to figure out what they mean.

On a brighter note, it seems the number one person besides my husband that I would want around for my home birth is wanting to be a doula, possibly later a midwife. smile.gif I hope she goes through with it, I know it'd be perfect for her.
post #283 of 299

objet, I think I also forgot to welcome you. So, welcome!

 

Anyways, I agree with all that lilmom said. I know many people who are infertility success stories (quite a few with twins now, too!). I also think that doctors can do a lot, but they don't know everything. They are often smart people, yet they really can't know our bodies like we do. For instance, my doctor brushed me off when I spoke of my long cycles, which is not normal for me (I used to have regular, shorter cycles). That difference to me was an indication that something was wrong, but I was not taken seriously. And here I am still not pregnant. I still don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope to soon have that looked into. I think I'm the weird one out here among the long cycle sisters, as I did not always have long cycles.

 

I'm sorry you've had to go through so much with your body. I hope you get it all worked out soon.

 

LessTraveledBy, HPTs are also completely overpriced where I am. I managed to find some online, though, for a fraction of the price. Maybe that's an option for you?

 

 

As for me, I started spotting today and am feeling the impending cramping. I expect CD1 in 1 to 2 days. I really should have expected this. Our timing was horrible, and we were both very sick.

post #284 of 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet.Bee View Post

objet, I think I also forgot to welcome you. So, welcome!

 

Anyways, I agree with all that lilmom said. I know many people who are infertility success stories (quite a few with twins now, too!). I also think that doctors can do a lot, but they don't know everything. They are often smart people, yet they really can't know our bodies like we do. For instance, my doctor brushed me off when I spoke of my long cycles, which is not normal for me (I used to have regular, shorter cycles). That difference to me was an indication that something was wrong, but I was not taken seriously. And here I am still not pregnant. I still don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope to soon have that looked into. I think I'm the weird one out here among the long cycle sisters, as I did not always have long cycles.

 

 

Hi Sweetbee, just curious, how long have you been having long cycles and how long are they?  My longest cycle - until this one was 30 days, I am now at cd43 and it's probably just going to be one weirdly long cycle and then everything will be back to normal (I hope!) but I can't help but obsess about it and wonder if this is the start of every cycle being long.  I am going to wait 2 more weeks until I am 4 weeks late and if still no af then I might go to see the doctor.  I don't think I am interested in taking provera but I want af to come so that I can get back on the ttc train.

 

Lilmom - 3 months!!!!  I am going crazy at 6 weeks.  wild.gif

 

post #285 of 299

Smiles, I used to have ~30 day cycles like you. I did have a weird 40-day one once, which I think was due to stress. I think it's normal to occasionally have a longer cycle, and it's only a real problem when they're consistently long or erratic. I should add the other "weird" cycle I had years and years ago. It was 6+ months long and stopped only by taking bc pills. But I attributed that to losing quite a bit of weight very fast (from lots of running). Other than those 2 cycles, I was regular. Are you under stress, or have you lost weight recently?

 

As for my current situation, I very stupidly started bc pills at 6 weeks postpartum (I had not had a period yet) because we thought I was super fertile. eyesroll.gif I stopped them almost a year ago so we could start TTC a sibling for our son, assuming I would get pregnant right away. Another  eyesroll.gif. Since then, my cycles have been long and inconsistent, the earliest recorded O on CD18 and the latest on CD30. I don't know what's wrong with me yet, but I suppose a hormonal imbalance of some sort.

post #286 of 299

Sweetbee - I haven't been stressed or lost weight or anything, just one of those things I suppose.  I was on bcp for about 15 years before I started ttc the first time.  It took me 10 months to conceive dd and it took me about 8 months after stopping bcp for my cycle to become normal. So I had decided that after dd was born I would have nothing to do with bcp again.  I thought that because I did get blessed with dd - and I attributed taking so long to having been on bcp that this time around it would happen just like that.  Boy was I wrong I've now surpassed how long it took the first time.  On another note, our kids are about the same age - I see your boy is 22 months - dd is almost 21 months!!  It's a fun age!!!

post #287 of 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet.Bee View Post

LessTraveledBy, HPTs are also completely overpriced where I am. I managed to find some online, though, for a fraction of the price. Maybe that's an option for you?


Yes. I had bough some from Ebay UK but had run out. I am 14 or 15 dpo and decided to just "get it over with" (as if it were ver quite that easy) and went and bought a test. Negative. Then turned what I think is positive maybe 20 mins later. So, officially BFN, but the first time ever I have seen something like this. The line seems to have color. I tried to google what others said about this particular test, but the search gave nothing definitive. I then discovered something: I liked the moment of "maybe." I never would have thought it, but I actually felt better feeling some hope, as I have not had hope for so long. That just maybe it could happen, you know. I don't dare hope that this is a true positive but for a moment I got to think it could be. I'll take that. And then back to reality: cervix is low, body feels like af is coming, not like I am pregnant (well, whatever the noticable difference could potentially be, it is not there). BUT still no cramps. Thank you, God.

post #288 of 299

LTB - The 'maybes' are what I live for - I don't ever want to give up hope.

post #289 of 299

Okay, I'm going to be selfish and do an all-about-me (though I am reading!)

 

I emailed the RE about the fact that Prometrium never really brought on a period for me, and he said, okay, email me a pharmacy number, and I'll call in some Provera (which did work last time). Except that once I emailed him, he didn't do it. So I called the office today, and left a message with the medication refill people, and got a message back saying, "Okay, we called you in Prometrium with a refill, so we don't have to do this every time!" Except the Prometrium didn't work, and made me insanely dizzy. So I called back, left a message explaining this, and finally got a call back saying that they would check with the doctor, but he was out of the office by now. eyesroll.gif So now I have to wait another day. And I wanted to start the medicine yesterday so hopefully I could get all of my testing done over Spring Break. Grr. Hopefully they give me a prescription with a refill, though, so I don't have to do this again.

 

Also, with all the discussion of long cycles... do you count your cycle as over any time you have bleeding, even if you know it's anovulatory? I get so much random bleeding, I never really know when to start a new cycle. If I go by any bleeding episodes, some of my cycles would only be about 2 weeks long. If I go by ovulation, I've been anovulatory for 18+ months.  Sigh.

post #290 of 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

Okay, I'm going to be selfish and do an all-about-me (though I am reading!)

 

I emailed the RE about the fact that Prometrium never really brought on a period for me, and he said, okay, email me a pharmacy number, and I'll call in some Provera (which did work last time). Except that once I emailed him, he didn't do it. So I called the office today, and left a message with the medication refill people, and got a message back saying, "Okay, we called you in Prometrium with a refill, so we don't have to do this every time!" Except the Prometrium didn't work, and made me insanely dizzy. So I called back, left a message explaining this, and finally got a call back saying that they would check with the doctor, but he was out of the office by now. eyesroll.gif So now I have to wait another day. And I wanted to start the medicine yesterday so hopefully I could get all of my testing done over Spring Break. Grr. Hopefully they give me a prescription with a refill, though, so I don't have to do this again.

 

Also, with all the discussion of long cycles... do you count your cycle as over any time you have bleeding, even if you know it's anovulatory? I get so much random bleeding, I never really know when to start a new cycle. If I go by any bleeding episodes, some of my cycles would only be about 2 weeks long. If I go by ovulation, I've been anovulatory for 18+ months.  Sigh.


I'm sorry the doc is giving you the runaround. I hope you get some answers soon.

For the bleeding, when my body is left to itself, I get that random bleeding too. But for me, I see a fairly clear distinction between the random bleeding and a period. The random bleeding just needs a pantiliner and usually lasts a week or more, where a period is heavier and shorter. So I was counting cycles using periods, and entering the random bleeding as spotting. For me, this usually meant cycles 3-4 months long with 1-3 spotting episodes, and ending with ovulation. But I did have some cycles where I got a period without ovulating. Once it was 28 days lol, the only time that ever happened without being on the pill, despite it being anovulatory. I hope that helps, although I know there is a huge variety of cycles amongst PCOSers.
post #291 of 299

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Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 4/22/13 at 6:22pm
post #292 of 299

monkey that sounds miserable! To answer your question though, yes, I do start the cycle over even if I have anov bleeding. However, I don't have "random bleeding" or spotting between cycles, I just have a few anov cycles per year. I hope the situation with the Prometrium will be better in the future! Well, actually I hope you just get prego and don't need it!

 

objet you have been through alot! I'm so sorry! Have you seen an RE? I think you might have better luck with that than with a regular ob/gyn. They can also check out your DH too I'm sure.

 

LTB - just like Smiles said, I too live for the maybe. I love that you got that moment of hope. That's something, isn't it? It's not over yet.

 

MBA I think I am too chicken to look at your blog! But ouch!!!!

post #293 of 299
I'm sorry....I'm still trying to figure out abbreviations a little (just finally figured out CD and DPO). What's an RE?
post #294 of 299

Objet - RE is reproductive endocrinologist -" A reproductive endocrinologist is a type of medical doctor who specializes in treating people with reproductive disorders. Many infertile couples choose to see a reproductive endocrinologist when deciding upon fertility treatments It is a reproductive endocrinologist's job to identify factors involved in your infertility and appropriate methods with which to treat these factors."

 

MBA - I am a morbidly curious person but I couldn't see your blog -  hope it doesn't hurt too much!

post #295 of 299
Thread Starter 

MBA - holey cow, that is a heck of a bruise. Ya know, people doing IVF would have to put a needle in there. Ouch. My butt still looks a bit like that from the progestrone shots, but my stomach never bruised a lot.

 

We need a new thread... how about "the fabulously infertile bitter sushi ladies"... the "awesomely amazingly bitterly infertile bitter sushi ladies" I am too bitter today. Those damn fertile people over in the one thread and their happy positive thread names... ugh. I am too bitter.

 

 

 

 

post #296 of 299

monkey, I would be super annoyed if I were you. So sorry the doc did not do what he promised. They must have so many little things to take care of every day... but still. That's the job of a doctor...

 

rcr... so sorry you are feeling down and bitter. I am with you right now.

 

I think af just arrived. Well, at least I did not waste another test. Still no cramps, though I feel a bit nausiated and icky, as I have a cold. If even a cycle without endless cramps in the TWW can't get me pregnant, I don't see a whole lot of hope. I will see a doctor in exactly two weeks (newly graduated health center doc who will, I guess, at some point refer me somewhere). I expect basically nothing out of that visit.

 

That's the things with hope... I had it for the first time in a long time, and now I feel tired and bitter. When I don't have hope, I actually do much better. It is like the average is the same: either close to 0 all the time, emotionally, or big plusses and big minuses. I think the neutral numbers fit me better.

 

Dear God.... Even if I cannot have a baby, could you, please, give me some friends in real life, who have not had 3 kids in the past less than 5 years. It seems that I only befriend the super fertile types... And while I am on it, it would also be helpful if I could like their kids. I seem to dislike those children who were born when I was so hoping for another. You know, all their older siblings are younger than our daughter. Since I am thankful for these friends, as they are all great people, it would be helpful to not have negative feelings towards their younger kids. Those kids just annoy me, and I must think it is me, not them, causing it somehow. Have mercy, that is all I can say to God and the world today. After some weeks of peace... yeap... I am bitter.

 

 


Edited by LessTraveledBy - 3/1/11 at 11:45am
post #297 of 299

I have acupuncture scheduled for next Tuesday and I'm already panicking... lol

 

I should be doing IUI#2 around then. So far no side effects on clomid, yay for me.

 

Welcome objet!  Hi to everyone! I missed out on the thread over the weekend and there is so much going on! :O

post #298 of 299

Don't be nervous!  I've only been once, but I had a great experience and my acupuncturist made the whole experience very calming and enjoyable.  I've already had my O date move up by 5 days after 1 treatment so I'm excited to see what the rest of my treatment plan does!  I go back on Friday for my second treatment.  Let us know how yours goes!  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kparker View Post

I have acupuncture scheduled for next Tuesday and I'm already panicking... lol

 



 

post #299 of 299

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Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 4/22/13 at 6:21pm
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