***Bitter Sushi Ladies February 2011 Thread*** - Page 4

[kparker]

So the hpt at 1dpo was positive (not darkly so, but def there), and the one at 3dpo was half again as faint.  I expect the trigger shot to be gone enough from my system to have a blank test at 5dpo with the way things are thus far, so anything that shows as positive after that I should be excited over :)

Good luck Lavatea!

Welcome back Grahnola!  Both of you are in my thoughts.

<3 to you all.

[LessTraveledBy]

This cycle has been super odd for me. I am still not sure if I ovulated super early or not. It should happen in a couple of days, but no signs so far. Meanwhile, my temps are doing weird stuff, so they really are not of help. No matter what, this is an odd, odd cycle.

I am sitting here... Sometimes (often) I find I need the quiet alone time before bed (way too late) to process my thoughts. I seems to have moved on to another new phase in the past two months. No more tears... the sorrow is somehow quieter and calmer, more accepting of reality. And, yet, painful.

While it shocks me, really, the feeling that I would rather adopt is here again. Adoption and special needs. However, I feel silly but I an grieving the little boy whom we will never adopt. I fell in love with his photo on a website and finally found out his country a couple of days ago. I can normally look at those photos and just pray for those kids. This little guy, however, just felt like he was mine. It is crazy: He looked about as different from me as possible, but he just felt right. Then I found out that he is in the one and only country that we will never be able to adopt from. I suppose I am thankful, as it would have been terrible to try and have the rules of this country or the lack of money prevent us from adopting him. This matter, the rule of the country he is in, is so clear that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I feel silly to say it, but my arms feel so empty. I miss this baby, even though I never even saw him live. (Lesson 492373636 to me about how infertility messes with one's head.)

Wishing you all lots of strength and peace this week!

[lavatea]

rcr - No, I didn't test this morning. I only have one more cheapie test. Trying to decide if I should use it tomorrow (12 dpo) or wait a few days. I guess it will all depend on my willpower in the morning. I'm trying hard not to analyze every little twinge, but it is so hard! I'm also trying to visualize a friendly uterus, lol.

I have to work again tomorrow and then I'm off for five days. Hoping to take it somewhat easy around my would-be AF time (assuming she doesn't show). I read somewhere that some doctors recommend pelvic rest at least around the time when you would have your AF to possibly prevent m/c. Thought that might be worth a shot since I do seem to have pretty strong contractions post-BD O (if you know what I mean).

I also plan on ordering more Vitamin E (I've been out) and starting large doses of Vitamin C as well. My friend sent me a link that recommended both Vit E (which I've read elsewhere) and megadoses of Vit C to maintain pregnancies. I've been taking my baby aspirin and folic acid each evening already. I'm out of prenatals, so I'll have to order more of those on payday, too. My insurance doesn't kick in until March, and if I'm treated by a doctor before then it becomes a pre-existing condition, so I'm not sure what to do in the meantime. Is there somewhere I can get progesterone (besides cream)? I've read that the cream may not provide high enough doses to sustain a pregnancy. I don't know that low progesterone is my problem, but I'm paranoid.

And as hard as I'm trying not to obsess, I've already started thinking of OB and midwife care. I know I want to deliver with the midwife I picked out for Avery's birth, but I really feel with my multiple losses that I should be seen by an OB throughout the pregnancy. Do you think one would see me knowing up front that I don't plan to deliver with her? I have to pick a new one b/c my old one is in a different city and won't be covered by my insurance. I just don't want to be rejected if the OB doesn't think office visits are enough. I don't want to lie, but maybe selective silence is OK? Thoughts?

[blueyezz4]

lavatea - fingers crossed for you!!!  Praying you've got a sticky one!!!!!

miriam -  good luck to you tomorrow!!

LTB - what are some websites that you have found that are for adoption?  I'm hoping we don't have to go that route but you never know.  I don't even know if we could afford it.  How much does something like that run do you know?  to you!!!

kparker - I know in my body it take like 5-6 days for a trigger to get out of my system, but I know everyone is different.  Fingers crossed for you that you get your BFP!!!

[lavatea]

Well, BSLs, I'm not counting myself completely out, but it doesn't look good. I broke down and tested this morning (12 dpo, CD 30) - didn't we all know I would - and I can still see a line, but it's not any darker than two days ago. And both lines are so, so faint. My temp was only 98.1 this morning, too. Just seems like maybe it should be higher?

Maybe these are evap lines, but I haven't got evap lines before on these tests so two in a row seems suspicious. If AF doesn't show by Friday I'll buy some tests then, I guess. Since my O was unusually late this cycle, I suppose AF might stay away another 3-4 days and it still not mean anything.

Blegh.

[Smilesarefree]

Lavatea - crossing my fingers and toes for you and sending more prayers your way

[rcr]

Lavatea :hug I hope it works out. I am sorry the line is not getting darker.

I am wondering if you are having problems with implementation? I agree, two faint lines, plus the one a few months ago, seems really suspicious. I thought false positive BFPs were supposed to be something of a rarity.

AFM - they are taking the little eggies out of me on Friday.

[GMum]

rcr - what would I like it to say? ....well technically I am 6 weeks pg and hoping that it will stick but we have been TTC #2 since December 2008, 7 losses ( all between 7-10weeks), no known cause.

I am slowly going insane during this wait.....

Thinking of you lavatea and everyone here

[rcr]

Ok, I added you Grahnola. Let me know if you want anything changed.

[collieflower]

Grahnola - Welcome! As a veteran of lots of miscarriages, my heart goes out to you. I hope this time things are different!

Lava - With my last pregnancy I had very light lines for the first few tests, then they suddenly started getting darker and darker. Please keep us updated. Thinking of you.

rcr - Wow; Egg retrieval! Good luck. I can't wait to hear about it!

[littlest birds]

Hello, all!  I am doing a quick check in, hoping to see updates.  Deeply hoping that Jane is still with the BFPs and DDCs... Have you heard from her?  Lavatea, my fingers are crossed for you, too; the test being no darker could certainly be okay as they are not exact in their sensitivity and varied lines don't necessarily reflect the different levels of HCG.

I am not obsessing, but still hopeful.  My temping was odd this month.  First, it seemed I was Oing late, I finally had physical signs of O about five days later than normal.  But then my temps stayed low, so I though we were anovulatory this month (first time) because I thought my body had tried to O and failed.  The temps were low a few days and my waking time was a little inconsistent, but we tapered off the BD effort at some point while I wrote the cycle off--then I skipped a few days temping.  Now I think my temps are up but have been having bad sleeping patterns so IDK for sure when I O'd.  We probably stopped BDing too soon if I did O, I may in fact be anovulatory since the few high temps weren't reliable, so I still think this cycle is a write-off.

Oh, well, I keep thinking of you all but am managing not to obsess.   I am on CD 25 of a usually 30-day cycle and could be 3-5 dpo but also might not have O'd.  My cycle hasn't been like this before and if anovulatory I guess it might actually be a long time before the next.  Part of me likes not knowing much.  I am so darn mad at TTC I feel better not expecting and not knowing.  Have any of you ever felt like that?

Oh Grahnolla, I am so very sorry for your losses.  I can hardly imagine the ups and downs you have been through.  Please stay PG so you can graduate right away from our bitterness.

[monkeyscience]

Okay, was just on another mom message board I'm on and...

Two people pregnant with "surprise" babies, one, at least, definitely not very happy about it. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?? How on earth do you ever accidentally conceive a child?? WHY, UNIVERSE?? WHY NOT SEND THE BABIES TO THE PEOPLE WHO WANT THEM??

Sorry for the shouting. It's just... unreal. Everyone on that board just seems insanely fertile (except 2 or 3 who I know suffer from infertility, but have kids through adoption). I can understand why they're less excited about it (one is expecting her 3rd, one is expecting her 4th, and life circumstances aren't quite what they'd like)... but it's just a slap in the face. Bleh.

Sorry, that's all I have to say.

[miriam_bat_avraham]

...

Edited by miriam_bat_avraham - 4/22/13 at 6:31pm

[lavatea]

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers today. So far no AF, so that's still a small victory. I don't know much about pregnancy tests and dye and all that, so if the tests aren't necessarily supposed to be darker, then that makes me feel somewhat better. I think the fact that they are so super faint in the first place is what's really bugging me. If the first one had been darker, I probably wouldn't even have tested a second time.

I'll try to post pics tonight or tomorrow. Heck, maybe I'm crazy and there's no line at all. I didn't even show DH yet so no other eyeballs have confirmed that there is a line, lol.

rcr - Sounds like you're making progress!

Welcome, Grahnola!

littlest birds - Hoping for a surprise this cycle for you. I think if this whole BFP(?) thing doesn't work out for me this cycle I will chill out like you do. I think I feel this way every month, though. And then I get paranoid that if I don't obsess then somehow we'll miss the window and won't conceive for yet another month, but it will be all.my.fault. Whatev. I so hate TTC.

[Jane]

Lava - Fingers Crossed!  In my experience, sticks don't get darker on a day-by-day basis, but do over time, ie, tuesday is not darker than monday, but thursday IS darker than monday. 

MbA - I'm very optimistic about this cycle for you. 

AFM - Doing fantastic, hanging out in my 6th week.  Had my second ultrasound on tuesday, with a HR of 119, and everything measuring perfectly.  Statistical miscarriage rate is down to something like 7%.  I've never been this pregnant with a healthy seeming babe before - always been something "wrong" already. 

I am happily doing the "recurrent miscarriage" protocol as suggested by the RE.  I have weekly ultrasounds (miscarriage goes down in habitual miscarriers with weekly ultrasound, which is whack and has no known mechanism for action) and I'm on progesterone suppositories (also no known mechanism of action, but also reduce miscarriage rate, so I'm doing that too).  I declined the acupuncture. 

For my BSLs - I'm putting together care packages for you in the next couple of weeks.  Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Sticks, Progesterone, etc.  It's all gotta go!

[lavatea]

Originally Posted by Jane 

Lava - Fingers Crossed!  In my experience, sticks don't get darker on a day-by-day basis, but do over time, ie, tuesday is not darker than monday, but thursday IS darker than monday. 

MbA - I'm very optimistic about this cycle for you. 

AFM - Doing fantastic, hanging out in my 6th week.  Had my second ultrasound on tuesday, with a HR of 119, and everything measuring perfectly.  Statistical miscarriage rate is down to something like 7%.  I've never been this pregnant with a healthy seeming babe before - always been something "wrong" already. 

I am happily doing the "recurrent miscarriage" protocol as suggested by the RE.  I have weekly ultrasounds (miscarriage goes down in habitual miscarriers with weekly ultrasound, which is whack and has no known mechanism for action) and I'm on progesterone suppositories (also no known mechanism of action, but also reduce miscarriage rate, so I'm doing that too).  I declined the acupuncture. 

For my BSLs - I'm putting together care packages for you in the next couple of weeks.  Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Sticks, Progesterone, etc.  It's all gotta go!

Glad things are going so well for you, Jane!

Would the test get darker say Wednesday from Monday?

Here are a couple of phone pics I snapped. The lines are pretty much as hard to see on the picture as in real life. I'd say they were evap lines if they hadn't shown up within the ten minutes. Plus I haven't had any kind of second line on any of the other HPTs from this batch. So two in a row? Now, whether something's up and I'm making low levels of Hcg or I'm pg and something's wrong or I'm pg and everything's fine but early...well, I just don't know.

Hope this pic posting works. I see people do it, so here goes...

[lavatea]

Here's a close up pic. It's worse than the first one. Am I crazy?

[Jane]

I see both.  To me, bottom is darker. 

Darker, but not by much, no?

[lavatea]

Does this make it any easier to see?

[lavatea]

Jane, you make me feel so much better! I remembered your lines so much darker than that, lol. Yay, maybe there's hope for me!!

Out of money for tests until Friday, so I'm going to hold off testing until Saturday morning. I might pee on some OPKs just for the heck of it, hahaha.