This cycle has been super odd for me. I am still not sure if I ovulated super early or not. It should happen in a couple of days, but no signs so far. Meanwhile, my temps are doing weird stuff, so they really are not of help. No matter what, this is an odd, odd cycle.
I am sitting here... Sometimes (often) I find I need the quiet alone time before bed (way too late) to process my thoughts. I seems to have moved on to another new phase in the past two months. No more tears... the sorrow is somehow quieter and calmer, more accepting of reality. And, yet, painful.
While it shocks me, really, the feeling that I would rather adopt is here again. Adoption and special needs. However, I feel silly but I an grieving the little boy whom we will never adopt. I fell in love with his photo on a website and finally found out his country a couple of days ago. I can normally look at those photos and just pray for those kids. This little guy, however, just felt like he was mine. It is crazy: He looked about as different from me as possible, but he just felt right. Then I found out that he is in the one and only country that we will never be able to adopt from. I suppose I am thankful, as it would have been terrible to try and have the rules of this country or the lack of money prevent us from adopting him. This matter, the rule of the country he is in, is so clear that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I feel silly to say it, but my arms feel so empty. I miss this baby, even though I never even saw him live. (Lesson 492373636 to me about how infertility messes with one's head.)
Wishing you all lots of strength and peace this week!