Almost 3 yr olds hitting me A LOT

[DeerMother]

And I am not dealing well with this! I have tried time outs, time ins, explaining (many times and in depth) that it hurts my body and feelings to be hit. Sometimes it is when they are tired or stressed. Sometimes they are just mad. I try to stay ahead of the game by reminding them to use their words. . . nothing seems to work.

Of course I realize that this is just a phase. However, I am in the process of divorcing my abusive husband and being hit puts me in a bad spot emotionally, kwim? Further, dd hits me in my lower back where I have had an injury or where my kidneys are, causing me pain for hours.

[azzeps]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  We are going through a hitting phase here too.  Actually, her favorites are scratching and pinching, and the target is mostly my husband.  The awful part is he gets right in there and acts like an almost 3 year old himself.  I am really at a loss as to what to do about it all.  He is upstairs trying to get her through the bedtime routine and she is screaming and crying. 

[Think of Winter]

I'm sorry you're going through this.  No one should be hitting you:(  Have you visited the Surviving Abuse forum?  Most kids go through an aggressive phase, but with abuse in the home, you may need more help to deal with it.  I have one small suggestion, and that is to offer your ds other things to do to express his anger or frustration.  Using words when you're all the way wound up is difficult even for grown ups.  But he could growl, throw soft toys, hit the furniture, whatever you think is appropriate, and has a physical aspect.  If you can see it coming, perhaps you can redirect before it's too late.  You're probably really good at picking up the signals.  If you need to remove yourself, by going in another room or outside, that's okay, too.  Hugs.  I'm sorry.

[mnj77]

That sounds like a tough situation - must be a big trigger when they hit you!  The thing that worked for me was to gasp and stare at her as if I couldn't believe she just did that, and then say calmly, "I can't let you hit me.  I'm going to leave the room now."  And walk away.  Also, it's not always popular around here, but I wouldn't go back and play with her or whatever until she apologized.  I felt like there needed to be an acknowledgment that you can't just hit someone in anger and go back to normal when you feel better.  

It will get better!  Well, kind of :) Dd is almost 4 and I can't remember the last time she hit me.  Now she stomps off to her room with her hands on her hips and says, "Fine!  I'm not your friend!"

[ellemenope]

I have no real life experience yet with this, but I want to give you a (((hug))) , encourage you that it is just a phase, and focus on modeling how you would want him to react to someone hitting him say on the playground. "Hey! Stop hitting me. No one is allowed to hit me." And distance yourself from his aggressions.