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Dealing with picky eaters that are not yours - Page 2

post #21 of 38

I might provide the food for this girl,but at the same time explain to my kids(in front of girl) that the food SHE is eating is bad for your long term health for the following reasons. Girl can say healthy food is gross all she wants,but if you take the time to educate your kids on nutrition they will know which of the foods is REALLY gross.

post #22 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by CrunchyClark View Post

I am also blessed with adventurous eaters who will eat anything as well, and find picky eating so frustrating as well.

 

I used to be a daycare provider and had several very picky eaters. Including a set of sisters who at home would eat chicken nuggets with ketsup, popcorn, apples (with no skins) and that was about it. I had the kids help with lunch/snack preparation and kept it light and  nonchalant.

 

I simply made lunch. Put it in front of them and that was it. If they didn't eat, they didn't eat. If later they were hungry, I would either offer the upcoming snack, the leftovers from the meal, or let them know it was x minutes until snack would they like a glass of water/milk. I just didn't make it an issue. If they fussed about the food, they were excused from the table. "Susie, if you don't like what's offered, you can leave the table and eat later." or "Susie, we don't talk like that about food. We need it to nourish our bodies to grow. If you don't like this, you don't have to eat it and can be excused."  

 

I also tried to make some things they liked or incorporate parts of what they like (ketsup) into another meal so at least there was something familiar.

 

The amazing thing was...within a few weeks, the girls were eating a lot more at my house and they even ate fish sticks for lunch one day when their mom said NO WAY they'd ever touch them. But, they did and liked them. They didn't become wonderful, non-picky eaters, but they did expand their repetoire of foods.

 

I'm of the camp that if someone trusts you to watch their child, then they are trusting your judgement as well. So, use your judgement on the food stuff and see if you can't come up with something that will work at your house for foods for the daughter. She can always eat at home if there isn't anything she wants at your house. She will not starve in the 2-3 hours she's there.



I have a daycare child who eats chicken nuggets, milk, and fruit loops at his house. Thats it. Ever! Mom cooks for her and her husband and then they give him nuggets and fruit loops because thats all he'll eat. Well he's never had either of those things in the 2 years he's been here and he cleans his plate at almost every meal. Mom will look at his daily sheet with shock, "Spinach? He would never eat spinach for me!" Well yeah, he's never offered it!


Maybe she has offered it or other similar things, but after months of scraping his barely-touched plate into the trash, she decided to quit wasting money and just give him something she knows he'll eat.  (She probably offered him an alternative when he didn't eat.  I completely understand that.  My autistic son is, well, look up picky eater in the dictionary--his face is right there.  When he does not eat what is served, I feel bad that he didn't eat, and so give him something to hold him over until the next meal)

post #23 of 38

You might want to suggest this book to the little girl's mom: Food Chaining It sounds like she is frustrated and this book can be a help. It gives ideas for slowly expanding the number of foods a picky eater eats. It involves slowly moving through similar items on the way to healthier items because if this girl is truly a picky eater, she is not suddenly going to switch from yellow cheese spread to a piece of real cheese. So hopefully the mom could work on stuff like this at home and then eventually the girl will be able to eat the same snack as your children.

 

I know people have said that their daycare kids will eat stuff for them that they will not eat at home but if this girl is truly picky, this probably won't happen. My daughter would never eat different things at daycare and I bet some of the other picky eaters here never did either.

 

Also, you said you don't think she is eating at school. Have you talked to the mom about this? If she isn't eating lunch, that could be a big part of the problem. SHe is probably really hungry by the time she gets to your house. Being hungry, tired and probably more crabby than usual are not good circumstances to try and introduce a new food to a child.

post #24 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by lindberg99 View Post

You might want to suggest this book to the little girl's mom: Food Chaining It sounds like she is frustrated and this book can be a help. It gives ideas for slowly expanding the number of foods a picky eater eats. It involves slowly moving through similar items on the way to healthier items because if this girl is truly a picky eater, she is not suddenly going to switch from yellow cheese spread to a piece of real cheese. So hopefully the mom could work on stuff like this at home and then eventually the girl will be able to eat the same snack as your children.

 

I know people have said that their daycare kids will eat stuff for them that they will not eat at home but if this girl is truly picky, this probably won't happen. My daughter would never eat different things at daycare and I bet some of the other picky eaters here never did either.

 

Also, you said you don't think she is eating at school. Have you talked to the mom about this? If she isn't eating lunch, that could be a big part of the problem. SHe is probably really hungry by the time she gets to your house. Being hungry, tired and probably more crabby than usual are not good circumstances to try and introduce a new food to a child.


Thanks for the book suggestion, and, I agree, the end of a long school day, hungry, and tired, is probably a difficult time to introduce new foods. I also agree that true picky eaters may or may not try new foods outside of the home - my "picky eater" ds preschool teachers have remarked at their surprise that he regularly turns down chips (doesn't like them) and other foods at preschool.
 

post #25 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattemma04 View Post

I might provide the food for this girl,but at the same time explain to my kids(in front of girl) that the food SHE is eating is bad for your long term health for the following reasons. Girl can say healthy food is gross all she wants,but if you take the time to educate your kids on nutrition they will know which of the foods is REALLY gross.



 

Personally, I think that would be very passive aggressive and disrespectful of the little girl and her mother (who is buying the food).

post #26 of 38

As I understand it, this mom is perfectly willing to send her daughter her own snacks. The two problems are:

 

1) The daughter is eating all of what her mom sends and is still hungry for more.

 

In this situation, I'd first encourage the girl to tell her momma she needs a bigger snack. Then, if she continued to send less than her daughter wanted, I'd talk with the mother myself and tell her that her daughter's still hungry after finishing the snacks she sends. At this point it's really up to the mom. Some parents choose to limit their children's snacks, which is not a choice I'd make but unless I felt it was a dangerously small amount of food, I'd just tell the girl, "Honey, that's all your mom sent you for today...if you don't want to eat what we have, then you need to talk to your mom and let her know you want a bigger snack next time." 

 

2) Your children are wanting to try this girl's food.

 

I'll admit that I personally can't relate because we're a bit more mainstream in our eating habits, and we don't have any special dietary needs. If my girls would like to try a food, we make or buy it and they try it. I don't limit how much they can have, either, though I do talk to them about what various foods do for our bodies, and explain that certain foods are just fun to eat but not really helpful to us. I also make sure to make healthy foods easily accessible.

 

If you really want to limit what foods your children are allowed to put into their bodies, while avoiding having a food war, I'm not really sure how to do this. Short of living in an intentional community where all the other families have very similar diets. Otherwise children do notice that other families eat very differently. These differences can be very exciting and educational, but can also sometimes set a negative example.

post #27 of 38
Thread Starter 

So I sent the mom an email saying I was going out for groceries, and to please give me an idea of some of her dd's favourite foods. She replied that cheese and crackers and vanilla yogurt were about all she'd eat. I asked her to be more specific, because apparently my crackers and my cheese were no good. I mentioned our crackers were rusks and all of our cheese was ''natural'' - i.e. straight from the farm (or homemade). I also included a bullet list of what WE liked to eat for snacks, hoping to find some common likes. My list had pretty basic stuff (sliced bananas with homemade nut butter, hummus and veggies, hard-boiled eggs, fresh fruit, oatmeal muffins...). Her reply: well, no wonder she won't touch it, she's never had (insert all of the above). She even asked what hummus was.

 

I give up. Let her have all the crappy orange cheese she wants.  

post #28 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamandedeux View Post

So I sent the mom an email saying I was going out for groceries, and to please give me an idea of some of her dd's favourite foods. She replied that cheese and crackers and vanilla yogurt were about all she'd eat. I asked her to be more specific, because apparently my crackers and my cheese were no good. I mentioned our crackers were rusks and all of our cheese was ''natural'' - i.e. straight from the farm (or homemade). I also included a bullet list of what WE liked to eat for snacks, hoping to find some common likes. My list had pretty basic stuff (sliced bananas with homemade nut butter, hummus and veggies, hard-boiled eggs, fresh fruit, oatmeal muffins...). Her reply: well, no wonder she won't touch it, she's never had (insert all of the above). She even asked what hummus was.

 

I give up. Let her have all the crappy orange cheese she wants.  



Ugh mama...I'm so sorry. This is a horrible situation...my guts are churning thinking about feeding a kid that stuff EVERY day. It's horrible. :( Please don't feed that stuff to her in front of your kids....it's bad, it's just BAD. I get that everyone is entitled to eat what they want and feed their kids what they'd like...but mama, please remember why you don't feed this trash to your own kids on a regular basis:

 

It's not real food. It simply is not, by any reasonable definition, sustenance of any kind.

 

The reason it will mess up your gut/immune system and lead to physical, emotional and mental sickness, is because it does not come from the earth, it does not come from an animal, it does not come from a tree. The food this child wants to eat that her parents are shoveling into her mouth, is made up of things which USED TO BE food...that are so super processed that they don't contain anything living, whole or good. Come on....come ON...let's just say it, there is NOTHING good about those cheese doodles she wants to eat. NOTHING. The cheese is not real, the corn is so modified and processed that there is nothing left of it that even resembles a grain and even the color is not natural. the taste is not natural, the taste is "cheese flavor #5" - it's trash. It's not just cheese doodles though...NOTHING that she wants to eat is real food. The girl is being taught horrible, horrible eating habits.

 

A kid from my house or your house, can eat that as a fluffy snack every once in a while and it will have no ill effect...because OUR kids eat whole foods. Even those among us with the pickiest of kids, find SOMETHING...sliced chicken breast and cheese, fruit, smoothies with yogurt, whatever...we find SOMETHING good for them to eat. This girl is eating cheese doodles and other trash like it.

 

At what point does it become a question of morals? I understand that this woman doesn't think that what she's feeding her daughter is THAT bad, or she wouldn't be doing it, she obviously doens't get it...but YOU do and YOU have a real problem with it. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to have a problem with. The way this child is eating IS effecting her health. The food habits she is learning now will ABSOLUTELY lead to trouble for her later in her life. Even if she doesn't end up obese, diabetic or with cancer at a young age...her immune system will be compromised and her quality of life will be effected.

 

Which leads to me to my REAL problem with all of this: YOUR kids. How did this girl start eating like this? Because the food was around her. We all know, as it is fact, that these highly processed foods contain highly addictive components - which is why people have such a hard time kicking their food habits, even when they are at highly increased risk of dying or are sick because of their diets. These "flavors", sugars, chemicals, etc effect our brain chemistry and make us want more sugars, more MSG, more of this junk...you have the right idea, mama, feeding your kids REAL food...with a little bit of special junk food snack every once in a while. This girl eating this in front of them every day, is not going to be good for them.

 

Look, I don't mean to be all crazy and weird...but I don't believe in anything as much as I believe that how you feed yourself, how well you can cook for yourself, etc is a strong determining factor in your life when it comes to your health and happiness. If you know how to take whole food and turn it into a meal for yourself, you can eat well and be healthy if you are rich, poor, alone or feeding a whole circus of people. This girl is getting a terrible education. Your kids are getting a GREAT education..don't let this girl come in your house and spoil the healthy food environment you have there.

 

Look, I'm going to say whats on my mind, even though I risk being flamed big time: I know picky eaters...I don't think "picky" is the right word for this girl. The way she treats you and the attitude of the mother about this problem are two big huge clues to me. I think this girl is a rude little child who has been allowed to eat nothing but trash food and I think her brain now craves it. That's what I think....and if you can compartmentalize and let this girl eat whatever she wants, you're a better lady than I and I say do what you will. But if you have a problem with it, I say you have every right to and shouldn't be forced to feed this girl in a way that is really, morally wrong. She is a minor, she doesn't know what it means to be on a path of throwing her health away, the adults in her life have a responsibility to shape her future. I know you are not her parent by any stretch, but you are an adult in her life. Do you want to be one of the people who stood around and let her fill her belly with this horrible food, when she didn't know any better?

post #29 of 38

I want to clarify: I'm not saying you are responsible for her eating habits and I'm not saying "Shame on you!" at ALL...I know you have honestly tried to alert this mother and that you have bent over backwards to try and shift the way this child eats in your home...but come ON, there is something wrong here. The woman said that the daughter, an eight year old child, doesn't even know what some of those (completely common place) snack items ARE?? Were it not for the obvious ignorance on the part of this mother, I'd be tempted to use some pretty strong language about that. That's a crying shame and it's not normal and it's heartbreaking.

post #30 of 38

Yikes, OP! -- and I mean your attitude, not the fact the the child prefers yellow cheese and the mother didn't know what hummus was. I think I learned what hummus was at around age 40, six years ago. I made my first hummus around two years ago because I really like it. But, I guess, how DARE I have the gall to ask my friend what it was!

 

We like yellow cheese here, too. Dh and I do enjoy more varieties of cheese than our girls do.

 

I'd certainly be upset if one of my children were saying that other people's food was disgusting. My older daughter has rather limited tastes at this time but we began talking, from a very early age, about polite ways to tell someone that she doesn't want to eat what they're offering. So I can understand you being upset that this girl is availing herself of your hospitality while dissing your food. That's not cool.

 

But simply preferring yellow cheese and having a mom who had the gall to ask what hummus was .... not a crime IMO. I really think it's okay if you decide this family isn't your kind of people and just gently explain that the babysitting isn't working out for you. You don't even have to go into that much detail. But I'd honestly hate for my child to be cared for by someone who seems as angry as you do about more mainstream eating styles.

 

I'm wondering if all the more natural foods mommas would just hate dealing with kids like mine who eat more mainstream stuff? I sure wouldn't expect another mom to go all out buying stuff she doesn't normally buy if my child came to her house. I'd be glad to send my child her own snacks and I always expect her to be respectful of others' food choices. But I think respect is a two-way street.

 

ETA: I see that I was referring to yellow cheese, such as cheddar and colby and American sandwich slices, while you were referring to orange cheese. I guess orange cheese is processed cheese food? I still think that if caring for this child is creating so many problems for you, it's better to quit. I have a feeling the other mom has no idea what a low opinion you have of her. I honestly wouldn't want my child spending time in a home where the mom thought so badly of us. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do!

post #31 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post

Yikes, OP! -- and I mean your attitude, not the fact the the child prefers yellow cheese and the mother didn't know what hummus was. I think I learned what hummus was at around age 40, six years ago. I made my first hummus around two years ago because I really like it. But, I guess, how DARE I have the gall to ask my friend what it was!

 

We like yellow cheese here, too. Dh and I do enjoy more varieties of cheese than our girls do.

 

I'd certainly be upset if one of my children were saying that other people's food was disgusting. My older daughter has rather limited tastes at this time but we began talking, from a very early age, about polite ways to tell someone that she doesn't want to eat what they're offering. So I can understand you being upset that this girl is availing herself of your hospitality while dissing your food. That's not cool.

 

But simply preferring yellow cheese and having a mom who had the gall to ask what hummus was .... not a crime IMO. I really think it's okay if you decide this family isn't your kind of people and just gently explain that the babysitting isn't working out for you. You don't even have to go into that much detail. But I'd honestly hate for my child to be cared for by someone who seems as angry as you do about more mainstream eating styles.

 

I'm wondering if all the more natural foods mommas would just hate dealing with kids like mine who eat more mainstream stuff? I sure wouldn't expect another mom to go all out buying stuff she doesn't normally buy if my child came to her house. I'd be glad to send my child her own snacks and I always expect her to be respectful of others' food choices. But I think respect is a two-way street.

 

ETA: I see that I was referring to yellow cheese, such as cheddar and colby and American sandwich slices, while you were referring to orange cheese. I guess orange cheese is processed cheese food? I still think that if caring for this child is creating so many problems for you, it's better to quit. I have a feeling the other mom has no idea what a low opinion you have of her. I honestly wouldn't want my child spending time in a home where the mom thought so badly of us. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do!



I really don't see anywhere where the OP has been rude or disrespectful to this other mother. The other mother asked what hummus is. She stated a fact, plain and simple. It seems that the OP is going above and beyond to help this young girl have options of things she would like to eat. She has allowed her to bring food from home, she has asked the mother for suggestions, she has offered to purchase food with this child specifically in mind. I say bless her for trying to hard to accomodate others. The rest of us who do some sort of childcare in this thread certainly wouldn't go that far. IMHO the mother saying, "Well no wonder she won't touch it" is far less polite than anything the OP has said or done.

post #32 of 38

Agatha_Ann, I never said that the OP has said anything rude dirrectly to this mom; I was referring to the attitude she was expressing about her and her child on this thread. I wouldn't want my child in a home where the mom felt this way about my family, irregardless of whether she ever said anything to me directly.

 

When the OP said, "She even asked what hummus was" -- I suppose I read more into the adverb "even" than some people would. I saw  her comment as different from a comment that her friend had simply asked her what hummus was and she had told her. To me, the "even" implies a criticism of this other mom for not knowing already. But this is just how I interpret the English language. I respect the fact that you might read it differently.

 

I do think it's rude for the child to call the OP's food "disgusting." If this happened in my home, I would tell the child that it's unkind, that we don't criticize her food prefereneces and we expect the same respect for ours, and I'd emphasize the fact that she doesn't have to eat anything she doesn't want to eat and there are polite ways of declining.  

 

If, after this, the rudeness continued, I'd talk with the mom about it. I don't recall the OP saying whether she'd even addressed the rudeness with the child -- maybe she has and I missed it.

 

As far as the mom's "no wonder" comment -- I can't help wondering if she's feeling a little puzzled about what the big deal is. After all, she is totally willing to provide snacks for her child. Apparently the child wants more than what she provides, so if the mom keeps sending too little (it's possible that the child may be forgetting to mention to her mom later that she wants more), then the sensible thing would be for the OP to let the mom know herself that her child wants a bigger snack.

 

I do agree with the others who've said that if having this child in her home is creating a disruption in the OP's whole way of life, there is nothing wrong with letting the mom know it isn't working out.

post #33 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post

Yikes, OP! -- and I mean your attitude, not the fact the the child prefers yellow cheese and the mother didn't know what hummus was. I think I learned what hummus was at around age 40, six years ago. I made my first hummus around two years ago because I really like it. But, I guess, how DARE I have the gall to ask my friend what it was!

 

We like yellow cheese here, too. Dh and I do enjoy more varieties of cheese than our girls do.

 

I'd certainly be upset if one of my children were saying that other people's food was disgusting. My older daughter has rather limited tastes at this time but we began talking, from a very early age, about polite ways to tell someone that she doesn't want to eat what they're offering. So I can understand you being upset that this girl is availing herself of your hospitality while dissing your food. That's not cool.

 

But simply preferring yellow cheese and having a mom who had the gall to ask what hummus was .... not a crime IMO. I really think it's okay if you decide this family isn't your kind of people and just gently explain that the babysitting isn't working out for you. You don't even have to go into that much detail. But I'd honestly hate for my child to be cared for by someone who seems as angry as you do about more mainstream eating styles.

 

I'm wondering if all the more natural foods mommas would just hate dealing with kids like mine who eat more mainstream stuff? I sure wouldn't expect another mom to go all out buying stuff she doesn't normally buy if my child came to her house. I'd be glad to send my child her own snacks and I always expect her to be respectful of others' food choices. But I think respect is a two-way street.

 

ETA: I see that I was referring to yellow cheese, such as cheddar and colby and American sandwich slices, while you were referring to orange cheese. I guess orange cheese is processed cheese food? I still think that if caring for this child is creating so many problems for you, it's better to quit. I have a feeling the other mom has no idea what a low opinion you have of her. I honestly wouldn't want my child spending time in a home where the mom thought so badly of us. I wish you the best as you figure out what to do!



WHOA!!! Back up the bus here for a minute! I do not have a low opinion of this mama, or her daughter.

 

Yep, her attitude towards food is rotten, but the reason why is even offered to care for her for free is that she is a smart, articulate, sweet (ok, not so sweet when it comes to food, but in all other regards) and gentle child who I love having around. I do not know the parents much other than we cross paths every other day, and they spent a few hours with us before we agreed on this childcare trial. My kids also eat ''mainstream'' food (whatever that is...). In fact, I bought my son a bag of chips from the vending machine after swimming today. He loved it, and he can have another one next week too - in fact, he can have one every day if he so chooses, but he likely won't, because he likes good food, and the novelty of getting junk grows old quickly with him.

And yes, I am quite honestly a little surprised that someone doesn't know what hummus is. I don't think that means that person is a bad parent, or that I look down on them. I do think however that it explains, at least in part, why this little girl is so limited in what she'll eat. So the ''even'' refered to that - my explanation for why her dd is so picky, not a judgment on her, or her family.  

And no, I was talking about the orange processed strings, not sandwich slices, although I'm not sure those are any healthier. My main concern with them is the artificial colours and salt content. Again, not something is forbid my kids from eating, but not a food I want them to have every day.

 

My conclusion: I do not want to fight this battle. I will feed her what the mom wants her to be fed, and trust my kids to know that THEY cannot eat that every day, and why.

Thanks for your help everyone!

post #34 of 38

I think it is important to focus on the behavior and set the boundaries that you feel good about.

 

I wouldn't allow food or behavior that I wasn't OK with.  Sometime we have to say "at our house...." so we say it firmly and kindly.  Both of our kids live with their other parent part time so we have had to get good at explaining (without judging) that some people do things different and why we do them they way we do a our house.

 

I hope you can turn it into something positive for all of you.

post #35 of 38

I just wanted to suggest that there may be some middle ground here.  Picking up something like a jar of low sugar, more mainstream style peanut butter and some whole grain bread, no HFCS, etc. (the oat is the closest to white), or some yogurt with fruit, perhaps strawberry?, or other foods that fall between homemade hummus or homemade oat muffins and processed cheese non-food (as we call that stuff at my house) and encouraging her to eat those sorts of items, might be a choice that will help her expand her food horizons without making the jump too big for her.  Wheat thins, although processed are a lot better than a ritz style cracker.  Cinamon toast on whole grain bread, whole grain goldfish crackers, fruit (even peaches in a can if they are in their own juice and have no added sugar.  It sounds like her parents don't know a whole lot about whole, nutritious foods, and using some more mainstream, but slightly healthier options might really help this child diversify her palate a bit.  And I would never tolerate the rudeness about food.  I swap babysitting with my best friend.  Her son is 7 and really picky-of the chicken nugget and ketchup variety.  While we don't always eat super healthy, we try hard to make our meals from scratch mostly and have limited processed foods in our house, which he generally doesn't like.  He has to try it, if he never has before.  If he doesn't like it he is free to make a pbj, with all natural pb (which he won't eat around mom) and all fruit spread, which he often does.  He would not dream of calling something I made gross, even though I am sure he thinks that :)  This part is about manners, not picky eating.

post #36 of 38

mamandedeux, I'm glad to hear that you really do like this child and that you are, overall, enjoying her company. I'm glad that you don't look down on this mom for not knowing what hummus is.

 

I hope everything goes well, and that this girl will learn from this experience to respect those who eat and do things differently than she does. 

post #37 of 38

Hey OP...I am also really glad to hear that the child is enjoyable to be around...I had a different picture in my mind of what it was like for you to have her in your home and thought that she was just an all around Negative Nancy. I guess the other redeeming qualities and "pluses" outweigh the negatives in this scenario and I wish you luck and hope that maybe YOUR kids healthy food habits will infect HER! :)

post #38 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann View Post

I am in a little different situation from you in that I have 6-10 kids a day that aren't mine to feed. I went through these same struggles you are describing with a few of them. When I first started I tried to cater to everyone because I was so worried that they wouldn't be getting enough or that I would be "mean". What I have learned over the years though is that it is impossible to do it that way.

 

I will clarify that I am part of a state nutrition program where I report foods served and I am required to serve the same thing to everyone, aside from special needs/allergies/etc. So I don't know if I would have done this without these regulations, but they have led to very positive changes at our table.

 

At my house you are served a healthy meal/snack that I have prepared from scratch. If you don't like it, that is just fine, there will be another meal/snack soon. What I have found is all of my picky eaters continue to be so for their parents, but they eat just fine for me. There are days that a child won't eat one of the snacks or part of a meal, but that is their choice. If it is not part of a special diet, I don't allow food from home for the same reason you stated. I offer healthy, whole foods, and we have great eaters. I don't need a bunch of junk coming in and making everyone else have a hard time. Just yesterday, I had a 2 year show up at 7 AM with a klondike bar for breakfast! I told mom he can eat it in her car or she can take it home, and he is welcome to join us in the kitchen for waffles and berries when it's gone. It just isn't fair to the other children. No matter how much they are enjoying what you are serving, ice cream (or orange "cheese") is going to look better.

 

I would also make a rule about words when you don't like something. The favorites here are, "I don't care for that today" "This isn't my taste" or a simple "No thank you". There is no reason to be insulted when you have prepared something, and those words are influential on the other kids as well. A 9 year old is very capable of using good manners at the table.


yeahthat.gif  especially to the part I bolded.  We teach people how we want to be treated, and that goes doubly for children!  So as long as you are respectful to her, she needs to at least go through the motions of being polite..especially since we are talking about a 9 year old.  

 

Perhaps on the days you have her all day you can all bake or cook together?  Invite her into the process of making something that she may (or may not!) eat.

 

Best of luck!
-Melanie

 

edited to add...I just read your last post!  Glad that you aren't engaging in a battle!  Also glad to hear that she is otherwise a sweet kid!

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