One income family in an high cost area.....

[babygrant]

I'm just feeling a bit down today about life.

We had a few things go wrong in our lives a few years ago which caused us a significant amount of debt.  Thankfully now my hubby has a good job.  I am able to work a little bit as a casual.  I COULD get a job working minimum wage ($8.00/hour) but choose not to since we'd need daycare and on my hubby's days off we really enjoy spending time as a family.  My children are able to choose ONE activity to join unless they are less costly, then they can choose two.  This year they chose scouting (which is $150 each for about 8 months) and then soccer in the spring which is ($70 each for 2 1/2 months).  I also enroll them in one session of swim lessons because I believe it's a mandatory skill that they need considering their great grandma lives about 5 houses down and she has a pool.

So anyways, the thing is, activities are so expensive.  I'm thankful that my kids chose the lower cost ones, but I feel that they are missing out.  They did want to enroll in skating lessons but for 7 lessons it was $180.00 each.  We couldn't afford it.  They also were a bit interested in hockey but it's $380.00 for the season (october - march) plus tournament fees and equipment.  Couldn't afford that either.  I figured I could take them skating on their own, but I went to the complex to price out admission fee's and just for my two kids and myself it's $18.00!  It's the same price for public swimming. Considering they'd only last an hour on the ice or in the pool, that's horrible.  

We live in an area where hockey is HUGE.  90% of the people watch hockey, 90% of the boys play hockey.  Today my son went skating with his kindergarten class and he was the only one who couldn't skate.  He was trying so hard, but he was getting so frustrated while all the other kids flew around on the ice.  My oldest son went swimming with his grade 2 class last week and he was embarassed and frustrated that he couldn't go in the deep end without a lifejacket on when most of the other kids swim like fishes.  There was a few other kids who couldn't swim either, but most of the kids are in Swim Club.

I just feel like a bit of a failure.  In my son's kindergarten class, I am the only mom who doesn't work full or part time.  When we wait outside the classroom the parents talk about how they need to work to pay for their kids activities.

My kids love me staying at home.  We love our time together.  They always tell me how happy they are that they don't need to go to daycare.  But they also express their discontent with not being able to go swimming at the pool all the time or skating at the ice rink, or being able to play hockey or join swim club.  Its just hard.  I just feel like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  

[Storm Bride]

Not much to say, except *hugs*. I know what you mean. My kids get to do quite a few activities, but that's mostly because we get Ministry funding (we're homeschooling, but are technically enrolled with a DL), so those activities (dance, Tae Kwon Do, etc.) are part of their curriculum.

Since you can't afford more activities, do you know anybody - neighbours or something - who would be willing to teach your kids skating and more swim skills, without formal lessons? Those are two things my kids aren't quite up to speed on, as well. I need to fit them in. And, yeah...I know that "my kid was the only one at the party who didn't know how to [fill in blank]". It's awful.

*hugs* again.

[EFmom]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I work full time out of the home.  We spend a fortune on activities.  It's certainly not the only, or even an important reason I work, but it is one of them.  It's a choice we make, just like you choose to stay home.

I think the important thing whatever you do is to celebrate the outcomes of your choices.  If you are happy about staying home, revel in it.  Focus on the time you spend together and the neat things you do.

[Italiamom]

I'm sorry you're feeling down, mama!  But I really wouldn't be too distraught over them not being "able" to do all the activities that they want to.  I see a few positives in your situation...  I think that by having a budget, and teaching your kids to STICK to that budget, you're teaching them an important lesson about life.  There are LOTS of activities that I would love to do that are just too darn expensive for our family right now.  So I prioritize the few things that are really important to me, and with the rest, I either just don't do them, or I find creative and cheaper ways to participate in those activities.  I

I also don't think it's a bad thing to be "stuck" at home with family sometimes.  It teaches the importance of the home, the importance of getting along with family, and the importance of entertaining yourself.  And I think down the road, your kids will probably look back fondly on the activities they got to do, rather than the things they missed.  Memory tends to be that way.  I went to Disney World ONCE with my family growing up.  There were kids in many of my classes who went every year.  But looking back, I just remember my very happy family vacation.

[K1329]

Could you find a happy medium? Maybe a part-time position while they're in school, or, just a few days a week? I know one neighborhood SAHM who couldn't bring her kids to the neighborhood fair - it was too expensive. I remember thinking at the time - all of the school/neighborhood kids are here, if it were me, I would find some type of side job so my kids wouldn't miss out. But, I also understand different things work for different families, and, you have to do what works for yours.

My kids do not take expensive lessons - I do work part-time to have more time to spend with the kids - so I get that. But, the extra income I do make allows them to join their social groups in outings, etc.

There also may be low cost options for some activities. Gymnastics where I am is 75.00 a month. But, the county recreation department offers a gymnastics program for 40.00 for a 3 month session.

Consider exploring some options to make some additional $ that won't cut into your family time, per se, but might allow them to pursue some of the activities they want to. And look for low cost activity options. It's such a hard balance!

[34me]

Is there a scholarship program?  Where I work (at a rec center) there is not only low income fees (50% of the usual) but then you can apply for a scholarship to cover that.  If you don't qualify for the low income, you can still apply for the scholarship program.  It really helps out. I get why you're sad.  For some reason getting my kids to be proficient in both skating and swimming was important to me.  My 14 yo does play hockey as well

[Tradd]

I grew up in an area where hockey was very big and there was always a used equipment sale before the season began. It at least helped to keep the cost down some.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

I can't believe scouting is so expensive for you! I am a Girl Scout leader and the highest I have ever charged for dues was $55, and that included uniforms. If you have girls in scouts, I knows that there are many grants available, and they are super-easy to get. I would assume the Boy Scouts have a similar program. I would say that about a third of my troop is on "scholarship," either through a grant or by the troop eating the cost (GS does not want any girl to be denied the scouting experience due to finances).

[mommariffic]

Maybe your kids can't join an ice hokey league, but what about skating during open skate? I know we take DD skating for $10 and it's open for 5 hours of open skate...maybe a few times a month you could do that? And as far as swimming do any universities by you have a swim program? Again near us the university has daily times they open their pool and membership is very very affordable. 

Or again, scholarships? Barter for lessons? Used equipment 

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by babygrant 

My kids love me staying at home.  We love our time together.  They always tell me how happy they are that they don't need to go to daycare. 

This is the most important thing. There are so many activities, there will always be a feeling that they have missed out on something but it's impossible to sign up for everything. You can drive yourself crazy wondering about the priorities and choices you make. My kids played some sports for years, but there are lots of others that I wish they could have done too. I just figure that they can keep trying new things even when they are adults. Even if you become employed, you might find that they can't sign up for everything they want because you don't have the time or the energy. 

My children did play hockey. We're fortunate that we could afford the fees and equipment costs, but after many years, I have some insight that might be helpful if you're interested. Consider joining a relaxed, low-key house league in less "high cost" area. We originally joined such a league because the schedule worked best for us. I found the league admin. was pretty sympathetic to struggling families. Sometimes they worked out payment plans, reduced fees and once in a while, some of the other families covered the sign-up cost so a child could play. Skates and equipment that were unclaimed from the Lost and Found would find their way to kids who needed stuff. Unlike the league in the pricey area, there wasn't pressure to buy an expensive league jacket every year and there were fewer expensive road-trip tournaments planned.

[redvlagrl]

Is there any way you could trim something from your budget...say cable or cell phones, that would free up enough for you to be able to afford these things? Or work while your kid/s are in school? You say your son's in Kindergarten and your older one is in grade 2, so presumably you are free during the day at least 2 days a week or mornings. Even if you did 8 hours of min wage a week (2 x 4 hr days) you would bring home an extra $256 a month. That's enough for just about any activity you kids would want to do over the course of the school year (an extra $2304 over 9 months). That is enough for competitive hockey for 2 kids plus some swimming through the council in my area (it is about $1k for competitive hockey).

I hear that you don't want to sacrifice your time with your kids but I think you can probably find a way to have your cake and eat it.

[babygrant]

Originally Posted by redvlagrl 

Is there any way you could trim something from your budget...say cable or cell phones, that would free up enough for you to be able to afford these things? Or work while your kid/s are in school? You say your son's in Kindergarten and your older one is in grade 2, so presumably you are free during the day at least 2 days a week or mornings. Even if you did 8 hours of min wage a week (2 x 4 hr days) you would bring home an extra $256 a month. That's enough for just about any activity you kids would want to do over the course of the school year (an extra $2304 over 9 months). That is enough for competitive hockey for 2 kids plus some swimming through the council in my area (it is about $1k for competitive hockey).

I hear that you don't want to sacrifice your time with your kids but I think you can probably find a way to have your cake and eat it.

Will write more later but wanted to touch base on one thing.  My son is in AFTERNOON kindergarten.  It's a pain in the butt.  He catches the bus at 11:30 am and they get picked up from the bus stop at 2:30 pm.  So yeah, I can't work when they are in school.  I think I'm just frustrated right now because we are still trying to pay off of that stupid house reno job that went bad.  I'm going to go throguh the budge to see what i can trim from it.  I've also contacted the local rep hockey team  and the coach has some team members willing to provide low cost skating lessons to the boys!  So that will work out great i think.

[Eyelet]

My DS wants to take hockey lessons as well, but unfortunately we can't afford it either. The only option for lessons near me is astronomically expensive. It breaks my heart to tell him we can't swing it, but we were able to find a less expensive activity (basketball) that he's enjoying. 

[Ravin]

My DD has for some time been asking for guitar lessons. We found something in our range, that was through the community program at the local university, and she spent her holiday money on a guitar. Then they first eliminated the class for her age group due to lack of interest, and then the entire program was shut down due to lack of funding. She was so upset! We have yet to find lessons we can afford.

She gets swim and other activities through the city, which has assistance available. You tell them how much you can afford, with a minimum of 25% of the regular cost.

The only hockey program here is sponsored by the local pro team; I'm pretty sure they have scholarships for those who can't afford the fees. It's not so big here, though, so we haven't really looked into it. Soccer, on the other hand, which DD has also asked to do, they don't have through the city and the private leagues are beyond our means, so I totally get your frustration!

[sunflower.mama]

The only thing I can add to this is keep your ear to the ground and figure out who has older kids who do hockey and mention your child is starting out and you don't want to spend a fortune on equipment and where can you get a deal...I did this and people were happy to pass down equipment to us.  That and around here, people build their own rinks in their yards.  So my son is getting ice time in our neighbor's yard, which helps him build skills.  Our park and rec skating is $45 for 6 lessons, and we are in a very high COL area.  2 sessions of that and my son is proficient enough to skate alone.  We signed him up for a commercial hockey program - 8 weeks for $150, instead of the inhouse Oct-March season for $380.  That way he gets a taste this year and can make a real decision about whether he really wants to commit to it for next year.  Good luck.

[Poddi]

We're a one income family, too and our kids don't do many activities.  I think those are nice but definitely optional.  Like it's important to learn swimming, of course, but how often in real life do you need to skate to survive?  How often do you need to play piano to survive?  I think doing just one activity at a time is just fine.  Our local swimming pool offer cheaper tickets if you buy 10 or 20 at a time.  We usually buy 20 family tickets at a time.  Works out to be about $9 for each visit(for 4 people).  Do you have something like that in your pool?

A lot of genuine talents are self taught, and not developed in a class anyway.

[mattemma04]

We are a one income family as well. Having to find a job that would allow me to be home on holidays,snow days,and kids illness-well it was just to hard so we live on one income. My kids actually dislike classes,but they do like to swim,ice/roller skate. Some of it is done through their school,but otherwise I would have to pay for them to go.

I would want the kids to do an activity that will give the most for the money. They are welcome to spend their own money on things I feel are a bit wasteful,and not suprising they decline.Guess it isn't THAT important to them when it means spending their own cash.

Since hockey is so big I would try to save a bit over time for atleast the skating lessons.Swim lessons for basic safety is a good idea. We have a YMCA but I can not afford the $66 a month. I could if  we cancel cable,but the kids want cable. Again choices.

You will find a way.Your kids get to do some activities so that is great.Don't feel bad. Personally I would not work just to pay for classes or activities.Work for needs yes but not wants,.

I often see lots of supplies at resale shops.Check them out.Some programs also have discounts for families that have limited income.

[umsami]

Our finances are such that any activities are pretty prohibited right now.  The grandparents have offered to cover costs, but DH is against that.  

Have you thought about calling up a local high school hockey coach (or other team) and seeing if there are some kids who might be able to give your kids lessons as some sort of community service project?  I'd also ask at the rink or whatever.  Explain the whole thing about being embarrassed that his whole class knew how...I bet you'll get somebody willing to help. :)

For swimming, I know that where we live (not sure about Canada), the YMCA offers scholarships not only for joining fees, but also for lessons.  I'd try that. :)

For equipment, I'd try Freecycle or Craigslist.  We also have a chain here called Play-It-Again-Sports which tends to be good.  I'd also check the Goodwill/Salvation Army stores.

[kennedy444]

How about swim lessons through a rec program?  Our rec offers lessons in the summer for $55. Lessons are twice a week for 8 weeks at local lakes or ocean beaches.  THe local YMCA is much more expensive but has lessons year round. I know they offer scholarships too.

Our skating rink offers lessons (pricey too) but free skate is each weekend for 2+ hours each day and it's only $5. Over school vacations, it's open each day for a couple hours.

The local child development organization offers free playgroups and music classes (up to age 4 or 5) once a week.  They used space at local libraries - great way for kids to play, moms to talk and share info too.

[sunflower.mama]

The other thing about skating is....call me radical...what about at a pond?  If you live somewhere where 90% of kids skate I am guessing you are in a cold area.  Our park and rec dept checks the ice on a number of local ponds daily and if the ice is thicker than 6" they post it as safe for skating online.  Get a couple of milk crates tied together and you can be off.