Another birthday party/gift question

[kittykat2481]

DS's friend is turning 4 and his party is tomorrow. I consider myself and the mother of the boy to be friends as well. She sent out evites for the party a few weeks ago, and then sent a group message to her facebook friends (no idea if it was everyone or just a select group of "close" friends) asking that we consider chipping in to buy her son one more expensive gift (a drum set). She already bought the drum set and said I can just take whatever I would have normally spent on a gift and give her the cash. The thing is, DS really likes to choose and give a gift, and at 3 I think he'd wonder why we didn't bring a gift to the party. I'm considering buying a small lego set (he really likes legos right now) and then just chipping in $10 cash. I'd end up spending a little more than I usually do, but doing so isn't going to be a huge financial burden for us, and I generally like buying things for kids.

I will admit that I was sort of put out at first that she asked for something so specific, but at the same time I can see how (having a 4 year old and an 8 year old that share many of the same toys) she didn't want 7,000 more action figures and wanted to get something substantial that she normally wouldn't be able to get. I guess I can see both sides of this.

Has anyone else done anything similar to this before? Either as the party host/hostess or as a guest?

[Shaki]

Sure we've done this before, with close family friends. We have both contributed to group gifts and invited people to contribute to group gifts. I think it's nice.

eta: you child can still make a gift to give to the birthday child.

[IntuitiveJamie]

You know, I think the *rules* are really changing. I see more and more threads like this all the time, about people giving specific requests or instructions as far as gifts. While I still think it's strange to actually be that specific, and I wouldn't do it,  I totally relate to the parent doing it.

I usually want to ask for specific things, but I don't. I'm impressed by those that go ahead and do it. But the reality is that it's still up to the gifting person to choose what to gift. That's the deal and that never changes. I think what you want to do is very nice and generous.

[K1329]

I find that type of request to be pretty bold, and wouldn't do it. I also haven't seen it among our group of school/friend kid's birthday parties. I don't blame you for feeling a little put out. I'd probably overlook it, however, and go ahead and make a cash contribution, as was requested.

Another issue for me would be how much cash to give? I normally keep a stock of some nice, age appropriate gifts that I've found on sale to save money on party expenses. It would more difficult, and, expensive, for me budget-wise to give a cash gift.

I really can't imagine asking for cash-only gifts at my child's birthday party.

[musikat]

I only ever suggest things when specifically asked. I always appreciate being asked, however, especially as my kids get older and have very specific interests. I also always ask when invited to a party.

For my son's 9th birthday a couple of weeks ago I had one parent ask for contact information for other people coming to the party so she could see if they would go in on a gift for him that would be too expensive otherwise. I found that to be very thoughtful and he loved his Paper Jamz guitar from two of his friends (it was a rock and roll themed party). I would never suggest such a thing, though, and would also be a little put off by being asked to do it. Just my opinion.

Also, I find it a little rude that she already bought the gift and is now asking people to chip in! Either you can afford a big gift and buy it for your child, or you don't. The party and gifts from friends should be separate than what the family gives, I think.