Only One Partner Finding Out The Sex...

[CrunchyKatie]

Has anyone done this before? This is my third baby and my husband and I did find out the sex with both of our previous babies. This time I would like to be surprised at the birth. It seems really important to my husband to find out the sex of the baby - maybe it helps him feel more connected to the pregnancy, I'm not sure. We are considering only having him find out at our ultrasound next month. We won't be telling anybody that he knows and he has sworn he will not tell anyone, including myself and that this won't be difficult for him to do. What do you think? Any experiences?

[mclisa]

I had a friends who did this with both pregnancies.  Only the dad found out and he was able to keep it a secret from everyone.  His wife never knew what they were going to have.  He helped pick out both boy and girl names and he was in charge of the first outfit home from the hospital.  He always bought a boy and a girl one just in case his wife accidently saw it.  That way she wouldn't have the surprise ruined.

[spatulagirl]

We did this with our second. It was really important for him to find out as he said it made him feel connected to the baby. So we had the names picked out before he found out and he kept it a secret. Everyone tried to get it out of him but he held his ground. 

The annoying thing was everyone trying to get him to tell them. And he had to be very careful not to let anything slip.

We didn't get any ultrasounds with the last two so he didn't find out with these last two. So he got to know with two and then be in the dark with two.

[Adaline'sMama]

A friend of mine's husband found out in the hallway after her 20 week ultrasound because the nurse was like "oooh, this is the only girl we have due in April!, We are so excited", assuming that they knew the sex. He kept it from her until she was in transition and a nurse came in and asked if it was going to be a boy or a girl. He blurted out that they were having a girl and my friend was soooo mad. She delivered her baby 45 mintes later :) I guess finding out the sex really made her progress.

[CrunchyKatie]

Originally Posted by spatulagirl 

The annoying thing was everyone trying to get him to tell them. And he had to be very careful not to let anything slip.

This is what I am concerned about - If he does find out... I don't want anybody else knowing that he knows. That alone would drive me bonkers! How did you feel with having him know and you not vs. neither of you knowing?

I also think we need to decide on the names now... yikes! We didn't have our daughter named until she was 3 days old and it seems to get more difficult with each child. :)

[spiritfreak]

Originally Posted by CrunchyKatie 

Has anyone done this before? This is my third baby and my husband and I did find out the sex with both of our previous babies. This time I would like to be surprised at the birth. It seems really important to my husband to find out the sex of the baby - maybe it helps him feel more connected to the pregnancy, I'm not sure. We are considering only having him find out at our ultrasound next month. We won't be telling anybody that he knows and he has sworn he will not tell anyone, including myself and that this won't be difficult for him to do. What do you think? Any experiences?

We are also expecting our 3rd and for the first time, I really want to be surprised at the birth. I just feel like, we only get so many wonderful surprises in life, you know? My husband wants to find out because he said he likes to be 'mentally prepared.' We already have all the gear and clothes, so there is absolutely no reason for me to know.

I think if it will help him connect, the best thing would be for him to know and not tell anyone that he knows.

When I was pregnant with our daughter (DH's first, my second child), we decided to keep the name to ourselves. We didn't even tell my son. Because everyone knew this was our plan, they (in-laws & company) did nothing but hound, pester, and guess until they were blue in the face. We managed to not tell anyone until she was born, because it was very sacred to us. We also changed the name towards the end of the third trimester, and I think if we would have told our families the name, we would have felt obligated to give her that name. Anyway, pregnancy is a very intimate thing IMO, and just do what you think and feel is right for your situation.