How will I parent TWO at night?

[hennaLisa]

My son will be three in April, when I am due with number two. He always nursed a lot at night, partly due to the fact that he wouldn't take a bottle for the 9 hours I was away from him each day as an infant. We continued night nursing roughly 2-5 times a night through his second birthday, but then night weaned around 26 months old (mommy led, but gentle).

He replaced night nursing with night cuddling. He loves to sleep cuddled up on my pillow, with our noses or cheeks touching. He'll wrap his arms as far as they stretch around my neck or gently rest his hands under my chin. He also likes to put his head on my bare chest and calls that spot his pillow. If, during the night, he notices that I've turned on my other side and am facing away from him, he will promptly climb over me to face my face. He'll do this even if I am on the very edge of the bed, and seems extremely attached to us facing each other and being close during the night. 

Now we are day weaning as well, and I start to cry every time I think about it. It does hurt whenever he nurses and I'm sure there hasn't been any milk for months. I oblige whenever he asks to nurse, but usually can only last a few minutes before I'll ask him to "cuddle Mommy" instead. I think he understands on some level, and is just asking less and less. He'll give my breast a kiss sometimes before he goes to sleep instead of asking to nurse. I think our night cuddling is replacing the closeness we had when nursing, so I don't want to give that up. 

Is there any way I could still give him at least some of our night time closeness while also night parenting an infant? How can I make this safe for the infant?

My husband is really willing to help, but our son doesn't want much to do with him at night. He did all the night diaper changes and pottying up until about 2 years old, and then our little guy decided he would only use the potty with Mommy during the night. So, even though I'm 7 months pregnant, I'm still carrying him to the potty about once a night, whenever he wakes and needs to go! 

[rubidoux]

It sounds like you two are very close and very much in tune.  I bet it will just fall into place.  It did with us, though our situation was very different, my ds was 5 1/2 and hadn't nursed for two years.  But still I was really freaked about how he would sleep since we were always physically close at night.  Now, Augie's two and I am pretty much always facing him and then Milo's on my other side with one or both legs thrown over me.  Usually I can hardly move and sometimes it can get uncomfortable, but it's pretty darned sweet.  If I need to I can kind of chase Milo over to the other side of the bed to get a little bit of real sleep.  It's hard to picture how it will work before it's upon you, but it will work!

[hennaLisa]

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I think I need to try to transition him ahead of time to something... not sure what... to make things smoother later. Other times, I think I should just wait and see what happens. It's scary to wait and see because I don't want him to resent the baby if he feels pushed out of the way. On the other hand, I don't quite feel right forcing a transition when it would feel unnatural to me and him, and might not even be the right answer.

[kilamonster]

Just so you know I'm going through almost the exact same situation. I'm wondering how we are going to handle 2 in the bed when my DS pretty much sleeps on top of me.

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