Nervous about baby shower...

[Naturallove]

I am 15w pregnant and several of my friends and family have talked about being excited to throw me a proper baby shower (It's a long story, but my exhusband was not a great guy and the circumstances surrounding the births of my DSs were not great. My current husband and I have been married for 2 years and this will be his first biological child). Anyhow, so everyone is very excited about this baby/pregnancy.

My problem is that I am very particular about the kind of things I want this baby to have i.e. cloth diapers, no plastic, limited "gear", etc. I do not want to come across as snobby or unappreciative or pretentious or anything like that and my most of my family and friends are pretty conventional/American when it comes to baby raising and I am not sure they will understand my choices. I also am unsure of how to voice these choices or otherwise get the message across without offending anyone or hurting any feelings.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? It is such a tricky situation and I am really unsure of what to do.

[Tumble Bumbles]

I would just register for the things you want or make an Amazon wish list so people will have an idea of your preferences -- then, if you get mainstream things you don't want/need, smile, be graceful, thank them for thinking of you and baby and then later quietly donate/resell/exchange things you don't feel you can use or need. I would just see the whole thing as a loving gesture from people who care about you, and be grateful for that -- inwardly knowing you don't have to use anything that don't fit with your values/parenting practices. A registry or wish list should be enough of a nudge in the right direction for most people, without offending anyone.

[tzs]

you'll get tons of stuff you hate even without a shower (i did!)

we did alot of exchanging

[treekidsandadog]

You can try doing a gift registry, but really you'll end up with a lot of stuff you don't want/need.  It would happen even w/o having a baby shower...Maybe a cloth diaper party where each person brings one cloth diaper off a list of diapers you have made...

Good luck with it.  Remember they love you and are excited about this baby and only want to do something nice for you.

[treekidsandadog]

You can try doing a gift registry, but really you'll end up with a lot of stuff you don't want/need.  It would happen even w/o having a baby shower...Maybe a cloth diaper party where each person brings one cloth diaper off a list of diapers you have made...

Good luck with it.  Remember they love you and are excited about this baby and only want to do something nice for you.

[Cujobunny]

You can wait to find out who will be hosting and sending out the invitations. Then talk to that person & tell them your concerns. Perhaps they could work it into a theme- a cloth diaper party, an "eco-friendly" shower, a food or favour shower where people bring you food to freeze or "coupons" for favours (housework, babysitting older kids etc) something like that.

[HappyMonkey]

In my mom's circle of bridge players it wouldn't have come across well to specify too much... they don't even know what organic is!

I did lots of circles in stores in town to see if they sold the things I got, and probably managed to return about $300 of stuff. The rest went to a women's shelter just before Christmas (they were having a drive for the women there over the holidays). I felt good to help!

[lifeguard]

I did a generic online gift registry. I was nervous about it 'cause it seemed so strange to specify what I wanted people to buy me but it ended up working out quite well. For most things I put on my registry I linked to something similar to what I wanted & then put in a description to indicate that it didn't necessarily have to be this specific item but something similar because we prefer....

I received ONE gift that I returned. Just one.