different at school than with me - Page 2

[straighthaircurly]

What makes you think he is hiding his abilities? Any evidence he has ever been shamed by a teacher or teased by other kids? At this age it is unlikely because  kids this age are generally not cognitive of academic differences. It is much more likely that his observant nature at preschool makes it hard for him to focus on "performing" for an assessment. My son had very erratic performance on assessments in K because he had to feel 100% comfortable with the assessor, he didn't really understand what it was about, and he had to feel like actually answering the questions. It is only at age 7 that we are seeing some consistency develop because he now understands the process and what the results can mean for him getting more interesting opportunities at school.

Two main concerns here:

1) I believe it is important for a school's philosophy and the parents' philosophy should be a fairly close match. A lot of people love the Montessori philosophy and it worked for them and their child, but for others it is the wrong approach (it never would have worked for us). If you are doing a lot of teaching at home and it isn't a match with the Montessori way then this school is not the best choice for your family. You commented that your son is bored, but I wasn't clear if he is bored at school or if he is bored at home when you aren't providing homeschool activities. Is he good at finding self-directed activities or he does he look to you for "entertainment"? This may be having an effect on how he proceeds with work at school.

2) I understand that different kids reach social stages at different times but that doesn't mean we shouldn't provide just as much instruction in social skills as we do with academic skills. My son is gifted and until this year (2nd grade) most of what I worked with him on at home was dealing with his social-emotional growth and even this year we are starting to do some very targeted work on his "executive skills" (time management, task initiation, emotional response, etc.). It is unclear from the post what other social experiences your son has on a regular basis...does he have playdates? Group activities with you in tow? Chances to practice making brand new friends at a playground? Other? Gifted kids often have trouble with social-emotional skills because the brain is developing in a different order. It is important to provide the structure and instruction to help them thrive or it can end up holding back their academic development.

[NYMommy2007]

It sounds like Montessori school may not be a philosophy that works with your parenting style, or that this particular one may not be a good fit for your son.  I think what the teacher was trying to say about how pouring is learning is expressed very well in this article: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa4097/is_200310/ai_n9314410/

[VisionaryMom]

I think the teacher's advice is sound. I don't think you need "art week," "non-fiction week," etc. with a 4YO. Let him learn! Go to the library and pick out books. Do informal science experiments. Talk about what interests him. I just don't see the point in sending him to a school (which, by definition, is focused on letting him lead his academics) and then making him do a structured "school at home" type of homeschooling. I really think what his teacher is saying is to relax and let him explore and enjoy learning naturally rather than pushing it.

Also, I don't personally see the problem with him pretending to be a dinosaur and chasing the other kids since you said that they pretend to be fairies who are running away from the dinosaur. That seems like standard fare imaginative play to me unless the other kids are scared or don't want to play with him.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by vivica2 

she said that he is very stressed out at home, and he need to stop doing lessons at home. she said if he does them at home he wont do them at school. so i suggested doing crafts and art with me, so he will do the writing lessons at school. and she said "no no your missing the point, practical life lessons are lessons, even art"  so what do i do at home? i know he is bored but I'm not allowed to do letter or art?

she also said he needs more social interaction, so maybe that is where we will start. *sigh* 

I am not sure how the teacher would know whether he was stressed at home or not  

If she thinks you need to refrain from doing academic work at home for him to be successful, yet he loves it and needs it, I am not sure how this school is going to work out.

If you think her words have some validity, I think practical life lessons would involve cooking, sewing, planting a garden, cleaning, making telephone calls, etc.  Essentially, whatever occurs naturally in life.

In general (not specific to your son) I think practical life lessons are very important with young children.  It builds work ethic, a sense of family and community, a sense of contributing and fine/gross motor skills.

I think the real thing (actually helping to cook a meal) makes far more sense than pretend cooking though.  I am not sure what they do at Montessori - are the practical life experiences real?   Are they cleaning a table for the sake of cleaning or  because it is helpful, needs to be done, etc?

In any event I would reflect on what she say - but unless her tone is less judgey than what is coming across in this thread I would have trouble keeping my child in her class.

[shademan]

I wouldn't worry for another year or two.  School is an adjustment for kids.  My daughter is so talkative, and talks about the kids so much when she comes home, but according to the teacher is kind of quiet. It takes them awhile to adjust.

[meemee]

OP at K when the teacher asked my dd why during choice time she refuses to choose challenging activity but instead chats away, dd told her 'i come to school to party, i go home to study'. 

dd couldnt get into the montessori K due to lottery.

we dont have a choice but do after school at home. 

even at 3rd grade things have not changed. 

dd hides her stuff at school. and the teacher focuses on other things. for instance the child who is researching the atom bomb is not recognised by her teacher because she cant spell well (dd is not a good speller). 

remember just coz he can read doesnt mean he likes academics. i have a child who still doesnt like academics that are taught to her in school. she hates how k thru 3 has been about reading, writing and math and a little bit of science thrown in. so we have to do stuff at home. waldorf would have worked great for her. but we didnt have one close to us. 

[hergrace]

My 3 three-year olds are distinctly aware of the academic differences between them.

DS2 will not participate when the other two ask to do reading work at home because he cannot read as well as DD and DS3.  But, at school where he is in a different class, he is ahead of DS3 in the language materials.  

Originally Posted by straighthaircurly 

What makes you think he is hiding his abilities? Any evidence he has ever been shamed by a teacher or teased by other kids? At this age it is unlikely because  kids this age are generally not cognitive of academic differences.