Leave DS w/DH for a party?

[ChelseaWantsOut]

We're going out of town to visit a dear friend of mine who wants me to go to a party/girls' night out thing with her the second night we're there.  We would probably be gone from 8 pm to midnight or even 1.  I've never left DS (who will be 5 mos at the time of the party) for longer than an hour (and even then I was still in the house, so DH could have come and got me if he needed me), and I'm very nervous.  I guess I'll have to pump milk for a bottle, what if we can't get him to take a bottle?  We've never tried before.  Will I need to pump at the party?  What if DH can't get him to sleep/keep him asleep without me there?  What if he just gets really sad without me?  Will he think I'm dead and never coming back?  HALP!

[Snapdragon]

I think at 5 months I was also wary to leave ds alone home with dh for anything more than an hour or and hr and a half. He was nursing every three hours or so at that point- if it were me in your situation, I would go to the party for a short time- and have a phone with you and be able to go home if dh calls and says ds seems to need you.  how far is the party from where thy would be?

[Nicole730]

I think for 4 hours or so, both your son and your husband will be okay.  Your husband can always call you to come home early if need be.  But, if you're not comfortable, just tell your friend you'd rather have a girls night in.  No sense creating extra stress.

I left my son for the first time when he was 4 months old for a Packers game (HOURS).  It was alright and he did end up taking a bottle from DH, but it was a little rough for both of them.   It was hard for me to pump the milk before I left because I did it so rarely.   DS was also a nurse-to-sleep baby, so DH had a hard time getting him to sleep. 

[Amanda_Reyasmom]

  For a friend that lives out town I'd probably try and be sure to have a phone on me so DH could call if things got to be too stressful. 

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by Nicole730 

I think for 4 hours or so, both your son and your husband will be okay.  Your husband can always call you to come home early if need be.  But, if you're not comfortable, just tell your friend you'd rather have a girls night in.  No sense creating extra stress.

I agree, can you do a girl's night in so that it's easier for you to get to your baby if needed?

Also, how far out is this trip? You can start trying to have your husband do one feed a day/night with a bottle now, so that you know before you head out that your baby can handle it. It also might be a good idea to let your husband practice getting the baby down for sleep.

[tzs]

i would for sure do it. i'm a big proponent of leaving the dh-es by themselves to work out their own routine. it may be different and there may be a few tears (or not!) but they will work it out without us hovering over their shoulder.

as far as the 4 hours, i don't think that would be too long to leave a 5 month old...and it will be during bedtime. 

as far as the bottle, my babe never took one until about that age. i mean, she was getting ready to start solids so i figured she'd be able to handle a bottle or a cup if that didn't work. but she did take a bottle...and this was the baby who had tried every bottle out there with a slew of different people trying to give it to her for months as a younger babe.

[sarahr]

Another vote for doing it!

I've found that for early night wake-ups, DS wants to nurse from me but if I'm not there, is happy to rock/cuddle with DH -- no need for a bottle during that time.

[sere234]

Without a doubt I'd do it! MY DS is 5.5 months right now and I could easily get him to sleep (he goes to bed around 7), go out and have a fun time and maybe have to pump once. I leave DS napping with DH while I run errands every weekend and it usually goes just fine (DS naps for 2-3 hours). I think it makes my hubby feel much more involved and needed when I take my baby breaks. Also, I think DS really benefits from daddy only time, even though he's still tiny. 

The one thing I always do before I leave is tell DH to call me as soon as DS wakes from a nap. This makes me feel so much better and I don't have to worry about hurrying or stressing. Once I get the call tough, I wrap up what I'm doing and head home. Really I should stay out longer but it stresses me out!

Maybe have your hubby assure you he'll call as soon as DS wakes/gets near too fussy/ect? It might help your sanity! As long as you won't be too far (30 minutes), go for it and enjoy yourself! You deserve it!

[mra]

I'm glad you asked this! I have to fly home to my cousin's wedding in May, which I'm in. Julia will be a little over four months. Apparently her wedding has a no children allowed rule. All my family will be at the wedding. My husband's family will basically be strangers to Julia, so I'm uncomfortable leaving her with them because they won't know her very well. I've decided that if my cousin won't break her no children rule for me, I will let hubby off the hook and he can stay home with his family and Julia instead of going to the wedding and reception (which he will be happy to do). He knows how to calm her and all that, so I'd be ok leaving her with him. I don't know about a bottle, though. I'll either practice here a few weeks before leaving (I haven't pumped or attempted a bottle yet and don't really want to). Either that I'll just run home between the wedding and the reception to feed her and if I need to leave the reception early, I will. My family will have to be understanding, although their parenting styles are much different than mine, so I expect some anger and a few lectures!

[McGucks]

It's whatever you are comfortable with--I don't think there is a right or wrong.  For sure, you would want to take a phone with you in case of emergency (even if the emergency is DH knowing he needs you back).  I agree with the PP to consider how far away the party is and to think about perhaps some middle ground...if you don't want to stay the whole time, don't.  I haven't been comfortable leaving our 10 m.o. with anyone other than DH for an hour here or there, but I know plenty of wonderful moms who, at this stage of the game, have left their children with multiple folks for long periods of time.  Go with your gut and try to enjoy yourself for as long as you're gone.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by caedenmomma 

It's whatever you are comfortable with--I don't think there is a right or wrong.

I agree. For me, I was comfortable leaving the kids with DH from the get-go. We introduced a bottle of pumped milk here and there at around 6 weeks, and both kids took to it fine, so after that I had zero worries about leaving the kids with their daddy for a few hours (and even overnight as they got older). I would just bring my pump with me in case I got uncomfortable. 

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by caedenmomma 

It's whatever you are comfortable with--I don't think there is a right or wrong. 

Agreed. I wouldn't have been comfortable with doing it-- I haven't left my 10 month old alone yet for more than half an hour-- but I don't think that there's anything wrong with doing it if you're ready! I just want to emphasize that being pressured into being ready is what bothers me (not that I'm saying you are being pressured, I just mean in general). If you're ready, go for it. If you're not, there's got to be an alternative that will work for all of you

[ChelseaWantsOut]

Thanks so much for all the replies! I've found them very reassuring.

The trip is in about a week and a half.  This particular party is important to my friend, so a night in isn't really gonna cut it.  The party is about 20 min away if we take a cab - which I'd be happy to pay for since it quarters the transit time!  DH regularly puts DS to sleep for naps and at night, but he usually wakes up wanting me/boob in 1-2 hours.  I think we'll do a test run this weekend with me in the house but away from DH and DS and start trying the bottle thing today or tomorrow.  I'm calming down, I think this will be fine and potentially really fun!  Thanks again, everyone!

[lrgs]

Like others have said...........whatever works for you. I'm totally comfortable leaving babies with Dad so I can go and recharge. It's something I *need* to do......but, that's just me and you need to do whatever you are comfortable with. I wouldn't think twice about going.

[lrgs]

lol...posted at the same time as you. Have fun :)

[Adaline'sMama]

I wouldnt have/didnt do it, but I probably should have. DD didnt really take a bottle, so it was hard to leave her. Plus, I was super uncomfortable with the idea of going out and drinking when she was that little. And Im not one to want to go out and hang out while other people drink, so I just didnt go. That being said, I sure did host a couple of girls nights here at my house and drank beer after DD went to sleep. I just felt like I wouldnt have a good time if I thought she might be upset and wanting to nurse.

Also, I went 6 hours without nursing her for the first time a few weeks ago, and I totally had to hand express into the bathroom sink at the bar we went to.

[MJB]

I think you should go and have a good time! Dads are parents, too. 

My 6 mo. old regularly spends 2-3 hours with my husband and I'd have no problem being away from her for 4-8 hours for a special event. She's my third child and I think I was too controlling with my older kids. Plus, by now I have total confidence in my husband's parenting skills. He's just as good as me. We did have trouble getting her to take a bottle but she got it eventually (around 4 months). He can try spoonfeeding or dropper feeding if the baby absolutely refuses the bottle. 

I could go 4-5 hours without pumping, easily, but it's obviously different for everyone. Does your baby ever sleep 4-5 hours? Do you need to pump then?

[ChelseaWantsOut]

If he ever sleeps that long I do get uncomfortable and I generally just pop a boob in and he sleep eats.    So I guess I'll bring a hand pump and if I have to I'll pump in the bathroom.

In case anyone's wondering, the party is a steampunk masquerade ball thing.  I think it'll be really fun.  I used to love dressing up in costumes, and I haven't done it since before the babe was born.  On Halloween I just sat on the porch with the babe on my lap and gave out candy and admired everyone else's costume.

[SilverFish]

i would go. now, the answer would be different if both you and DH were going and this was a question of a babysitter, but your DH isn't a babysitter. he's a parent, and is perfectly capable of holding down the fort for a few hours. at 5 months, for sure baby would be ok without a pumped bottle, but it will probably be a nice security blanket for both you and your husband to have one. have fun!