Maybe some of you recall my other thread about my 9 yr old "drama queen" (she proudly calls herself that!). She is very emotionally volatile and we were having the worst time with her about 5-6 months ago. She was constantly throwing screaming, hysterical fits, threatening to call the police and claim we are abusing her, threatening to jump out a window, threatening to stab herself with knives, insulting and berating me and her siblings. Well I finally put my foot down and sternly but calmly set very clear limits on what was acceptable and what wasn't, and what the consequences would be if she crossed the line (24 hr loss of computer use-- a big deal around here), and that even if she doesn't feel it, she does have control over her behavior. It took about a month of daily, very very strict sticking to my word and not giving into her screaming fits, but she has improved. It's gone from a "10" on a 1-10 scale of severity to a "6" or "7" at its worse and the outbursts are less frequent, and (for now anyway) she no longer makes violent threats against herself or us.
About 2 weeks ago we caught her chatting in a very flirty way with guys online-- she was lying to these men saying she is 22 and manages a beauty salon! I was floored! One, because we are very strict about internet usage and I thought we were being vigilant, and two, because she has lived a very sheltered life, never seen a movie beyond PG, my DH and I have a very stable relationship, she has never been exposed to anything disturbing or adult except maybe a few PG-13 comic books. So I was amazed she would even know how to be so coy and flirty (I read the chat logs and she really did sound like an adult woman!).
She was chatting with these guys through a video game that we let her use. We always turn off the chat channels when our kids play this game but she turned them back on. I sat down and explained to her that these men were much older than her, and would she go up to a grown man on the street acting like that? She seemed to understand what I was trying to explain and she promised not to do it again. I had my oldest son check the chat settings before she played this game after that point to make sure the channels were off.
Well today we caught her at it again which I think means she never really stopped! We are very vigilant about her internet/ computer use so she was being VERY sneaky about this and managed to hide it not just from DH and myself but all her siblings. She was having a very flirty conversation with a guy with an x-rated name. I don't know how much she really understands in terms of the sexuality aspect but she is very good at acting cute and flirty and was totally enticing this guy.
So I told her-- she is banned from the game for a week and if I catch her chatting again, that's it, she's not using that game again. I can't believe this is from a 9 year old! My 12 year old daughter would not even know what the word "flirt" means.
I am thinking, though, that she simply cannot be trusted around the computer and that I should perhaps stop all internet access for her entirely. There are so many predators and sick people online who would pounce on someone like her. I'm wondering if it's even worth it to let her have internet access while we are "vigilant" which I thought we already were. The problem is she would be the only in the child house barred from internet access, as my other kids use the internet quite a bit and have been 100% trustworthy and cautious online. I don't want her to feel like even more of a black sheep than she already does.