I haven't read all the replies, but I just wanted to comment on the one little girl you said is a major stressor for you. .. I would drop her. My mom ran an in-home daycare when I was growing up. I've done it too, though not full time, and the one thing she said to me was to choose the kids and parents carefully. If ONE child is causing you an inordinate amount of stress, it is TOTALLY ok to say "this isn't a good fit" and discontinue the relationship. You'll find another kid to take that spot.
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Also, has your DH considered coaching or getting involved in the community to help youth? It sounds like he has a real talent for working with children/youth, and THAT is a rare enough skill to parlay into at least part-time work.
