I'm coming in late to this thread but wow, does reading it hit close to home.
I had 4 totally healthy pregnancies. With my 5th things just kinda felt 'off' from the get go. Midwife had a hard time finding the heartbeat, I blew it off the first time. Second time (at 16 weeks) I went to a small rural hospital and we found it but it seemed slow to me. I wanted out of there (this was a fourth planned UC, was seeing a midwife casually since my 3rd turned into a transport and c-section for a malpositioned baby that wouldn't move), I don't like hospitals so I didn't question it. At 18 weeks I had some brown spotting and mild cramping. Talked the midwife into coming over to check for heart tones. Couldn't find any. Long story shorter, when we went to the big regional hospital we found we'd lost our baby. My body never kicked into labor. I waited a week then couldn't take it anymore and went to the hospital for induction. Labor was short, but it was real labor. That surprised me. Because it was before 20 weeeks we were able to bring out baby home and bury him on our land (we had a small farm). It helped a lot to be able to bring him home.
It was such a shock. I was in the 2nd trimester, I'd never had a loss, it was so totally unexpected. Our baby boy looked perfect, tiny but perfect. We didn't do any testing. I didn't want to defile his body and the drs said it was most likely chromosomal even with a 2nd trimester loss. My body tried to hold onto him, the placenta was healthy. I try to take comfort in the fact that he never suffered. Something was wrong. At least he got to go in peace instead of living a life full of pain.
I'm almost 15 weeks pregnant with baby #6. There's no comfort in hitting the 2nd trimester. I did have an ultra sound last week which showed a perfect healthy baby. I feel better, but still nervous. I think I'll stay nervous until I'm holding a healthy live baby in my arms.
Already had issues with the midwife practice for declining some tests. Thought they were gonna be cool about it then got a letter today saying they were dismissing me for being non-compliant! Nice.
We were planning a UBAC anyway and were gonna quit shadow care after the 20 week ultrasound.
Anyway, loosing a baby really changes how you feel during subsequent pregnancies. I never feared a loss with my other kids. Now, every day I wake up and think 'Please stick baby, please grow strong'. It really sucks to not be able to just blissfully cruise through pregnancy with no worries.