Let's talk about our 1st trimester after miscarriage - Page 2

[Snugglebugmom]

Nicole  Don't be silly, of course you are not too negative for this thread! This is a safe place to share your fears and your sadness, and to let others try and lift you up a little bit. All of us are scared, feel reserved, are nervous about getting too attached too soon, and worried. We can try to pick each other up when one of us feels particularly down, and we will each of us find ourselves in that spot at one time or another. And I have to say, with a history like yours I am not at all surprised at how you feel. I can only imagine the pain you have gone through over the years. You're welcome here, and never feel like you have to pretend to be upbeat when you don't feel it! Many many hugs to you!

[theboysmama]

Thank you sooooo much!

[Snugglebugmom]

Any time! 

[Mama~Love]

Thanks for starting this thread!

I'll admit I'm terrified, and scared about getting attached too soon. So far, this is nothing like my M/C pregnancy. I was charting for the last 15 months, since we started TTC.

I don't know when I'll feel "safe", when I can allow myself to not worry every moment. I am very jaded now, my M/C changed my outlook on everything.

Glad we can be here to support each other through this!

[Snugglebugmom]

Welcome, Mollie! I think that is one of the hardest things about being a PAL mama... we have a hard time feeling "safe". So many of us found out that there really is no set point where you can rest assured that nothing will go wrong. My miscarriage started on the day I started my second trimester. The point where most pregnant women think:"I'm in the clear!" 

It stinks, but it's nice that we have each other to lean on!

[Poodge]

I just want to send a hug to everyone in this thread.  

[escher]

Hi Folks!

I seem to be pregnant, due in late October or early November (October 27 by ovulation date), and while I don't feel quite ready to fully jump into the DDC, I did want to say hi to all of you. I had a 7.5 week miscarriage in late June. I feel better about this pregnancy, like maybe it won't end in miscarriage, but then I worry that I am just setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment. It seems so improbable that this will actually end in a baby. That would certainly be amazing!

I hope you all are doing well!

[Aprilmoon1]

I also had a missed miscarriage in September, 2010, and had a D&C. We had been TTC since December, and this pregnancy is such a blessing. I think I may be blindly optimistic, but I know the risks and have definitely grown stronger since the last miscarriage and going through that trauma. It was my first and only miscarriage, and the embryo deceased at 6 weeks, but I did not find out until 11 weeks. I felt something was wrong the whole pregnancy, and kept telling my midwife that. The cramping and dark brown spotting instigated an ultrasound.

I am happy this thread is here. This is both a joyous and difficult time!


April

[Snugglebugmom]

Welcome, escher12 and April! Isn't it funny how quite often we know that something is off? I had the same feeling, starting around 8 weeks gestation, that something was wrong. I had no clues at all, no cramping, no spotting, no disappearing symptoms, just this feeling that something wasn't right. Mother's intuition is a force to be reckoned with. 

I wish both of you a happy, healthy, and most of all uneventful nine months. 

[tank]

I had a miscarriage on Christmas 2010.  I was 12 weeks and I am pretty sure it was a blighted ovum.  I came to that conclusion for myself because I had an u/s at 6 weeks and 8 weeks and both showed an empty sac.  I was told there was a chance the baby couldn't be seen on the u/s so waited it out until I m/c naturally.  It was the most grueling few months of my life.  I was high stress and depressed and had a miserable time. 

This time I am doing things differently.  I am going to stay positive and happy and try not to worry about having another miscarriage.  I think the more I stress out the more I could actually cause one to happen.  I'm not saying that every mama who is high stress caused their m/c but I know that it is a worry for me. The things I am doing different this time all have to do with attitude.  I will wait longer to tell people but not because I am scared but because I know that everyone I tell who knows I had a m/c last time will worry for me and I don't want that.  I will probably tell when we get a heartbeat but I don't even know when that will be because my midwives office doesn't have a u/s machine.  I'm not too worried about it.  I know that if I take care of myself that is all I can do that is in my immediate control. 

ETA:  the boys mama, so glad to see you here (not here specifically but in my due date club again)  We were (briefly) in the July 2011 DDC together. 

[Hykue]

I'm scared.  I don't have any reason to think there's anything wrong, and I don't really think that anything IS wrong, but I'm scared anyway.  Not all the time, and not too badly, but a little.  I had a very early loss (4w4d) last fall.  I felt very confident and positive, sure that everything was going just fine, and then I woke up with my period and heavy cramping.  I know it was early, I know I have a very good chance of carrying this pregnancy to term with no problem.  Last night I even had an image of our future child looking at my seedlings started on the windowsill, and it made me smile and relax.  I'm not good at remaining low-stress.  I don't know quite how to do it.  I tested really early (11 dpo) because my temperature spiked higher than it's ever been before, and I'm glad that I did, but now I just have that much more time to worry.  Can anyone tell me how to feel a little more confident, or even just calm?  I know that statistics are on my side.  I know that my continuing symptoms (mostly just thirsty, hungry, tired, and tingly nipples) mean "so far, so good".  I know that if I can just be calm, I'll be reducing the stress hormones in my system, which can only do good.  I'm having a bit of a hard time actually feeling like all of that is true, though.

I'm still in the really early stages now - 14DPO, which is one day past my latest MP most months.  I got a really strong implantation dip, my temps are clearly triphasic.  There's no reason to think anything is wrong, and really I don't THINK anything is wrong, I just worry that it is.  The worst of it is that I don't want to get exercise or have sex.  I was building a straw bale building with my husband when I miscarried in the fall, digging a foundation, which is hard work.  And we had sex (because my libido returned) the night before I miscarried.  I don't want to go into some kind of suspended animation, but I can't help but worry that one or both of those things caused the m/c.

I'm worried every time I cough!  That's just silly.  Anyway, I hope I'm not letting my worry rub off on anyone, I just felt like some reassurance would be great.

Incidentally, Tank, you've got a wonderful attitude about this.  You will be well, you will raise this baby.

[Jane]

Hykue - I think you sound really normal.  I mean, intellectually, I can know that coughing, working, and sex won't harm a baby.  But my heart is different. 

I'm trying to be normal. 

[NicaG]

Hello, I'm not quite ready to jump into the October ddc, but I just wanted to join the conversation here. I had a miscarriage in October 2007 and another in December 2010 (I was in the July 2011 ddc, like a few others on this thread). Anyway, I got a bfp last week and maybe this baby will stick, due late October. I just feel sort of numb, can't seem to make myself believe this is a real pregnancy. Feeling so ambivalent about so many things right now. Thanks for starting this thread, peace and healing and sticky vibes to all of us.

[MegEliz]

I am so happy to see that I am not alone with all these worries in my head and heart.. I had a miscarriage in June 2010. It is something I still cry about everyday.I know this sounds incredibly nieve but I had already had two "healthy" pregnancies and thought that a miscarriage could never happen to me. Even when I started spotting I wasn't too concerned bc i spotted with my first pregnancy so I just figured all would work out. It was a long rollercoaster ride b4 i finally lost the baby at 8 weeks. I never felt such hurt in my entire life. I found out I was pg this time 2 days before my due date from my mc. I had a dream that i was bringing home a baby girl from the hospital - her name was Summer - I thought it was just my subconscious reminding me of my due date ( altho how could I forget?) as the day went on I started to realize that my period was late and I tested and wallah - BFP! This time around I am taking a VitD once a week and taking shots everyday due to a blood clotting disorder that was recently diagnosed. I had spotting last Sunday which of course sent me in to a tailspin of panic, fear and complete hysterics. I went into for an US the following day even tho they warned me that they would not be able to get a heartbeat they were just checking to make sure it wasn't ectopic. Everything looked as expected I was just measuring a week earlier than thought. To any other normal person that would be good news but no not I - I am thinking what if it stopped growing and I am just waiting for the shoe to drop? I go in on the 24th for a f/u US to check to see if a hb is present and i am terrified. I keep telling myself - like many of you - everyday is blessing meg , cherish it and this baby- Some moments are just a bit too difficult to go there tho...I hope we can all find the strength and support we need here :)

[Mama~Love]

Meg - I totally understand your fears and concerns. I suffered my first miscarriage last May at 10 weeks, and I too cry every day about it. I also thought it would never happen to me, after having 6 beautiful healthy children, why would I think my body would fail me now? I will miss that baby forever, s/he will always be in my thoughts, and in my heart.

What I can't understand is everyone's lack of acknowledgement about my lost baby. That was my 7th child, the one I am curently pregnant with is #8. Just because s/he didn't live outside my body doesn't mean s/he wasn't a real child to me. Most people don't understand.

I am *very* cautious this time, I feel so jaded, like I lost that magical dream pregnancy is supposed to be. There was a girl at work who announced her pregnancy at like 8 weeks, and I thought "Wow, how foolish! You could lose it tomorrow!". I would never say that, but it's how I feel.

[MegEliz]

Originally Posted by Mama~Love 

Meg - I totally understand your fears and concerns. I suffered my first miscarriage last May at 10 weeks, and I too cry every day about it. I also thought it would never happen to me, after having 6 beautiful healthy children, why would I think my body would fail me now? I will miss that baby forever, s/he will always be in my thoughts, and in my heart.

What I can't understand is everyone's lack of acknowledgement about my lost baby. That was my 7th child, the one I am curently pregnant with is #8. Just because s/he didn't live outside my body doesn't mean s/he wasn't a real child to me. Most people don't understand.

I am *very* cautious this time, I feel so jaded, like I lost that magical dream pregnancy is supposed to be. There was a girl at work who announced her pregnancy at like 8 weeks, and I thought "Wow, how foolish! You could lose it tomorrow!". I would never say that, but it's how I feel.

yes i feel the same way - people act like it never happened. Sometimes I even feel like my DH acts that way. I think as a mother the moment you concieve you envision the life this child will have the joy to your life they will bring. I totally am with ya on the cautious factor as well. a close friend of mine is pg and as soon as she got the BFP she told everyone and i thought " oh i hope this sticks for you"  . you are some what cynical after a mc but I try to not project that on others but I do harbor those thoughts unfortunately  : (

[tank]

I'm trying to stay positive.  I really am.  But I am so worried about this Rh- thing.  When I had my m/c I didn't go to the midwife because of the snow (It snowed everyday I resceduled my appt to) and I don't know my blood type.  I am so scared I needed to get that shot and now that I am pregnant again it is too late.  I tried looking up information online and the only thing that I found is that not having the shot doesn't CAUSE a miscarriage.  My mom is Rh- and had to get the shot so chances are that I might be?

Anyway.  I'm glad you all are here and have the same worries as me so I don't feel so alone.  I too still cry about my miscarriage and sometimes it can come up at the most random times.  One of which is going to be telling everyone finally I'm sure.  I am trying to stay positive and do all the things that silly 1st trimester mamas do.  Yesterday I knit a hat for my new baby and added some stuff to my baby registry.  I am trying to look forward and not live in fear.  We will see how that works out.

Hugs to all of you and I hope that we can all stay here (in the DDC.)

[kgulbransen]

Hi Tank: just jumping in as I am RH-negative. So do you not know your blood type for sure? And did you not get a Rho-gam shot after your miscarriage?

Can you get in touch with your doctor or midwife ASAP and ask? Usually, if you hadn't had a miscarriage, you wouldn't need the shot until around the 27th week of pregnancy. But...since you had the miscarriage, they should have blood typed you and given you a shot at that point.

Don't panic but do get in touch with someone soon. They would be able to blood type you pretty quickly. Have you ever given blood at a blood bank? They would have your blood type on file? Do you know your DH's blood type? That comes into play as well.

Krista

[tank]

I did go to my midwives office and make an appointment for the 14th of march and I told the receptionist my concern and she said she would have the midwife call me on wednesday to talk to me about it.  My DP doesn't know his bloodtype either.  I am just worried now that my mom told me she is Rh- and had to get the shot.

[Jane]

Midwives will give you a shot with any miscarriage, in case.
But the baby isn't really going to have enough blood to cause a reaction until 8 weeks. And it's unlikely before 12-14. But not everyone knows how pregnant she is accurately.
I would not be excessively concerned.
Isoimmunization doesn't cause miscarriage, either. It causes stillbirth and other issues. You won't attack the baby until it has blood, again, 8 weeks, but more like 12-14.

Please do go get your new pregnancy bloodwork. It's a simple test done on all pregnant women to check for antibodies. You'll know in a few days if it's a problem. It can be treated!