CLW and Tandem.....

[Treece]

OK, another question from me. I am tandem nursing my 3 yo DS and 1 yo dd. I truly believe that DD will wean before DS. Most everyone in my circle knows that DS still nurses (I wish some didn't), so when DD weans, and DS doesn't, how do I explain that to nosey bodies? How do I explain that to their father?

[averlee]

Well, every child is different. Nursing on demand is the approach for newborns, that ensures they will get all they need, by letting them set the schedule. Child led weaning is sorta like that, it's nursing on demand for bigger babies- trusting that following their cues, they'll each get all they need.

Edited to add: I overheard a mom in my daughter's playgroup say "I stick'em on the boob whenever they want" and that's become sorta my mantra for nursing on demand and child led weaning.

Edited by averlee - 2/14/11 at 4:00pm

[kythe]

My kids are 21 months apart. Dd is older, ds is younger.

Dd nursed until she was 5 years old. Ds weaned at 18 months. Basically, I was still nursing my older child long after the younger seemed to lose interest.

In some ways, I still feel guilty about this. We were doing through a stressful time whe ds stopped nursing. Did I mistake a nursing strike for self-weaning? Is it unnatural to nurse your older child longer than the "baby"?

I don't worry about explaining things or justifying my decisions to other people. At the time, I did what I believed what right and followed what I considered to be each child's cues.

When you have close spacing between siblings, there is a real temptation to compare them to each other. Without meaning to, they compete in a lot of ways. But if you truly step back and consider each as individuals with different personalities, issues, and needs. We do our best as parents to meet these needs in whatever form they arise. Basically, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules that both kids in a family need to nurse for the same length of time.

[Treece]

I guess you're right. I mean what's right for DS may not be for DD. DD is turning out to be a special needs child and I suspect that DS has food allergies. DS had way more access to "nanas" at 1 yo than DD has had her whole life simply due to circumstances.

However, since I posted, DD has picked up nursing more. She may have been having a mini-strike. She has recently discovered food and is in love with it. She has less interest in nursing than DS, it is amazing watching their personalities unfold. DS will say "DD wants nana." She is her own little person. I think she already realizes that there are other paths to my affection. He is only just now learning that. I also used it as a main source of love for him. I don't regret it, I just go with the flow of life. It has worked so far. They are good kids. I believe I am a good mom. We have a fairly good family. The kids seem happy. What more could I ask for?

[samikashi]

I had thought, with DS2's personality he may end up weaning sooner. But now at 18mos he seems as interested as ever so who am I to say? DS1 turned 3 a couple weeks after DS2's birth and we'd been tandeming until just recently - I think DS2 is really enjoying being apart of a pair now!

It would make me sad if DS2 weaned much sooner than DS1 because I just think it's such a healthy thing for a growing body. I believe in CLW and would respect him if he truly didn't want to anymore... but it'd be hard for me not to encourage continuing if he was under 3.

[kohlby]

Agree that you don't have to explain it - but you also might be surprised.  I had to work very hard to get DD to nurse from 4-12 months due to her distractable style.  She never was one for comfort nursing either.  She would only nurse lying down too, which further made me think she would wean young.  She'll be 5 years old next month and is still nursing daily!