How to instill problem solving?

[bentlaj11]

Any good tips for helping instill problem solving techniques? I don't feel like I am a good problem solver, so I'd like to really help DS learn to figure things out himself. He is good about asking for help (e.g. to climb up onto the couch, which he can do), but gets frustrated easily (like me!). I try to encourage him with stuff I know he knows how to do, but I'm having trouble knowing when to give in and help... I want him to know that I will always be there to help him! I've been trying to ask the "What do you think will happen if...?" type questions, but I often feel like I am telling him too much. Thanks!

[physmom]

How old is your kid, first of all?  Because  if he's younger you're probably going to want to help him sooner than if he's older.  For instance, DD likes puzzles a lot but her fine motor skills seemed to have taken longer to develop than the rest of her so she'd get really, really frustrated when she couldn't put the piece in like she wanted too.  When she was closer to one I'd help her almost right away to avoid a huge tantrum but now that she's two I gently tell her to try it first herself or maybe suggest something she could do instead of physically putting it in there for her.  One thing that really helps now is that her verbal skills are such that I can reason with her more (well, as much as you can reason with a 2 year old! ).  I've always tried to let her struggle a bit with things first before I intervene (and again, if she seemed happy working on it I didn't intervene at all, it was only if I saw a tantrum coming on that I'd step in). 

[bentlaj11]

Sorry.. I thought I put in his age.. He is not quite 15 mo., so I know that he will need help faster now, more so than when he is older. I'm also trying to be consistent with asking him if he needs help (if he hasn't already "asked" for it), before I intervene, or letting him know that I can help him if he needs it. In my example of him climbing up onto the couch.... I know that he can do it by himself (it's not too high, and he does it alone when DH is with him), but he still asks for my help (by patting on the couch). I definitely encourage him to do it, and after 2-3 attempts if he doesn't (or if he gets frustrated before that) I help him... but, I know that he can do it by himself. I don't want to hinder his problem solving/development by helping too much though! I'm afraid that he will turn out like me, and not be able to problem solve very well!

[tzs]

at this age i just kind of talk things through with her. nothing complicated, just chit chatty narrative...like if i'm helping her with a puzzle i might say "i'm turning it to make it fit" as i do it.

as they get older you can really leave them to their on devices and ask questions like "how can we......?" or "what can we do to....." and it's amazing what even 2 year olds can come up with on their own. i taught young twos in a very child-led daycare and if a kid was really upset, for example, the other 2 year olds would do a way better job of comforting than the teachers with just a "what can we do to make 'bobby' feel better?" and let them work their magic.

or if we were doing some art we could take them to the cabinet and ask "what could we use to..." and let them pick their materials.

[crunchy_mommy]

I think at that age, demonstrating or verbalizing how to do something can go a long way. So if he needs help getting on the couch, you could show him how you climb up, or say something like, "Why don't you go get that pillow and put it on the floor here, then you can stand on it & climb up!" In other words, your only options aren't 'help' or 'don't help' -- there's a lot in between there. I think children are naturally good problem-solvers and just taking the time to do things different ways yourself, will show your DS that there is more than one way to do things. Simple things like going in the back door to your house instead of the front, or using a brush instead of a comb to comb his hair, or using a book to make a tunnel for cars/trains, things like that -- I feel it can help kids become more creative, and therefore better problem-solvers. Most of these kind of things just happen as you go about your daily life, but if you want to be more deliberate about it, you could set up little challenges.... perhaps ask him to move dry beans from one bowl to another, and provide a few tools -- spoon, ladle, fork, etc. -- without telling him HOW to do it. Or set up an obstacle course around the house.

Usually when deciding whether or not to help DS, I factor in things like whether he's a little overtired/hungry/cranky/etc. before jumping in. I know some people say you need to let them be frustrated & they'll figure it out on their own, but my DS was so intense & sensitive at that age, I just didn't see the point in making him needlessly 'suffer', so I tended to do a lot more for him... as his temperament started to mellow out, he tolerated frustration better, and he is already an excellent problem solver (he just turned 2!) without ever having to scream/cry in frustration. So follow your DS's lead on that... and in a few months you won't have much choice lol 'cause he'll probably INSIST that he do it himself.

[bentlaj11]

Thanks for the tips! I will keep practicing my problem solving, too. The reality of the responsibility of me being my son's main teacher was getting to me a little bit! DH had mentioned that I help him too much. Crunchy-mom, I like your statement that there is a lot of in b/t helping and not helping.