Helping children with death and loss

[Callimom]

Hi everyone

I wondered if people had suggestions to help kids through multiple losses and deaths.

We are moving in 2 weeks - leaving the only house my kids have ever lived in and a neighbourhood we love and are very connected to. We are looking forward to our new house but are sad to be leaving.

Our cat who is 18+ is likely in her last hours/days of life.

Our dog - who is 16 is also not likely to see another spring. We are hoping she will be able to live long enough to see the new house.

One of the women at our UU congregation who has taught my kids at Sunday School and directed them in pagents etc is in Hospice and facing the last few days/hours of her battle with cancer.

I am trying to figure out how to help my children grieve and say goodbye to so many special friends in such a short time without also overwhelming them and focusing too much on being sad.

I'd love any suggestions.

Karen

[fritz]

Wow, you're going through a lot right now.  You don't say how old your kids are (toddler vs. older), so I'm not sure what age range/emotional maturity levels you're dealing with.  Here are some links to previous MDC threads about death/dying/loss and how some parents have approached it.  First.  Some book recs.  Great thread.  Loss of a pet.  Explaining death.  Another pet death with book recs.  More book recs.  A more religious thread.  I'll stop now =).

For the moving part, take plenty of pictures of favorite spots (inside the house, around the neighborhood) and favorite people.  Help them make a scrapbook or album that they can look at whenever they're missing their old neighborhood.  Start a list of your favorite memories, and tell those stories frequently, to help remember the positive.  Collect mailing and/or email addresses so you/they can stay in touch with those you're leaving behind.  Let your kids say goodbye to their really special places before you leave, to help give them a sense of closure.

[kathymuggle]

Ask them how they would like to mark the losses.  A tree is good.  They may want to bring the cat and dog remains to the new house for burial in the garden.  We have pets buried in the garden...I am glad they are there.

 for you and the kids.

Kathy

[Callimom]

Thanks ladies for the suggestions and resources. They are giving me a good place to start. The tree is a great idea Kathy.

My kids are 12, 9, 9 and 7.  I need to plan with them what it is that they want to do.

The woman from church passed away yesterday and I think they had healthy responses to it. I waited to tell them until I had time to sit with them and talk them through it. The cat is hanging on. And I need to start packing this weekend.

I'm trying to keep all these losses in my mind as we move through our days because I am sure we are headed for some emotional swings but so far we seem to be doing ok.

Thanks again for your responses.  

Karen

[yeshuaisiam]

I tell my children that death is a natural part of life and that it happens to us all.  I talk about stories of hard deaths of people that I love and it gives them the feeling that "they are not alone".   Look the bottom line is that we all face death and all will face death.  It's inevitable. 

Are we not all sensitive to death?  None of us really "understand this".   This is kind of what I tell the children.  At least we can go through this mysterious thing together and not apart.  They know death upsets everybody and that it is not always understood.

We put our religious beliefs into death as well (Christian) and it helps.