How did you keep and maintain your sanity? How did you keep your bond with your children? How did you maintain looking like you were in charge in front of your kid?
Okay, maybe this sounds silly to some... but those that know my background... maybe not.
I have no choice but to live with my parents right now. There is no way in hell I can afford a place on my own, or even with room mates at the moment. I make too much too qualify for section 8 or any other type of aide.
At my parents I'm basically staying rent free and they buy food. I do have to start paying them some money a month now that my Mom is watching DS in the mornings and I'm getting a "break" in daycare costs.
But... my parents are where I learned all the fuzzy dysfunctionality of emotional abuse. Don't get me wrong. My parents do a lot for me... and I am very grateful to have a roof over my head right now, and a wicked comfy bed to sleep on!! (they bought me one since ex took ours and I was on a VERY uncomfy futon, and they took major pity on me after I had to have a c-section with DS)
But! They treat me like I'm 12 on most days. They put down my parenting in front of DD, they tell me what to do in front of DD... if I go to go on the computer for like 10 minutes while I'm feeding DS or something, I get yelled at about how I need to be paying more attention to my kids. My Dad puts me down pretty much daily telling me about how I need to excercise and how I'm immature and stupid for creating all the problems I have now.
I have always tried to put DD to bed around 8 o'clock. Now my parents always want to do something with DD at 8 and they give me this big attitude in front of DD and make me wait... so often she isn't getting to bed until 8:30, 9:00, which misses her window, and then she is overly tired, and she is screaming, and then DS is screaming because he eats around 8:30 (another reason I like to have her in bed before then)... and this is my nightly routine. :( I HATE it!
And now... DD sometimes won't even come to me... she only wants my parents. She woke up early over the weekend and freaked out on me and just kept yelling for my Dad. Some nights she won't even let me put her to bed because she only wants my Dad to put her to bed.
I don't know what to do... I feel like I have lost some of my bond with my baby girl. I'm scared I'm not really a good Mom. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I can finally move out one day... and if she is going to be devestated about leaving my parents... and if her and I can get our relationship back on track?
I've tried talking to my parents about all of this... it does no amount of good. If I object to a certain snack or ask them to please stop feeding DD junk all day so she has a chance of eating her meals, then my Dad tells her "oh, I can't feed you this because your Mommy is a meanie."
Yes, I've asked him not to do this... but talking to my Father is like talking to a toddler. He pouts and then gets all angsty whenever I ask him not to do something and he's like, "well if you disagree with our parenting so much, why are you here?" something along those line... or they will say how ungrateful I am and spoiled, etc...
So yeah... I know... it's all my fault again. I have no where else to go.
My Mom LOVES to add un-needed stress to me. She will go on and on about what ex may be doing to DD and DS while they are with him (yelling at them, etc)... even though she KNOWS I can't do anything to change them going with him. I've told her to drop it and that it stresses me out, and I can't do anything about it so why dwell on it? She picks and picks and gets in my head.
I hear myself lashing out all the time at home whenever I've had to interact with my parents... and I HATE it. I try to stop myself... but they keep pushing and pushing.
My counselor told me to keep the "free rent" mantra in my head... but now that I have to start paying something... that basically nullifies that.
Does anyone else have to deal with some of this? What do you do?
Has anyone else gone through it? How were your kids? Were you able to break all the "bad" habits once you got out?