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In your opinion, why is there so much tension betwen MILs and DILs? - Page 3

post #41 of 43
I know for me I have tension with my mil bc we just do not naturally mesh and hat is disappointing to me, so I admittedly get a bit testy just thinking about her. I'm he kind of person who can make friends with anyone and always look for the best. But if someone insists on being mean then I tend to cast them as a villain and stop caring about what they think and cut them out of my life bc hey life's too short and there are plenty of amazing people to spend it with!

Well we moved here and mil had always been so nice and share so many interests with me, I figured we'd have so much fun. Uh, no. We moved here in the summer and I'm a teacher so I didn't know anyone nor did I have work to help make connections. I tried getting mil to go shopping as I outfitted our new home. No she didn't want to go or went once but acted all put out and even brought sil along. I thought we could go see all the girly literary costumey movies we love, but the spouses could take or leave, together. It was like pulling teeth to go once. How about going to the nursery together, mil? Oh she's not returning my calls and I already know she screens calls at home bs she will emphatically not pick up for her mom. I mean these are all things she likes doing and she doesn't work so she does them all the time on her own I was just looking to do stuff maybe once a month or less. But no.

Well since then dh has revealed (and maybe he's learned about this too more) that she's just insanely shy and anxious. Like, she has no friends. Literally. And she can't play any games bc her sister traumatized her as a kid so competition gets to her. I actually don't like competition either but then it's also that she's claustrophobic from her sister locking her in a closet. Except this only ever comes up when dh and I want to take her somewhere, like a concert, but she goes to them with FIL. Fine, her mental issues are her own. But she treats us like we are strangers. Going over for dinner is like going to a fancy restaurant and she is always on. We can never just hang out. We can't just chat, it is always very on edge. Except she loosens up to mock people and things, which has really hurt our relationship bc I feel I can't trust her. She acts super sweet to relatives she has over and then mocks them when they leave. Well I assume that's happening when I leave! And then it turns out our personalities don't mesh so well afterall. She buries her head in the sand and doesn't pretend to care about the world whereas I am a bit of a rabble-rouser as my dad would proudly say. I finally realized she's like a child. I have never seen her get more excited than over a cute doll. And she doesn't listen at all. We have had to tell her over and over about simple things like don't show tv to the kid you are begging to have over to play. Now even dd has started asking me why grandma always buys more plastic toys everytime dd goes over to play and can I tell her to stop?
post #42 of 43

I already posted but can I add something else?!  


My MIL makes it nearly impossible to decline something politely.  She either can't take a hint (or won't).  I feel like I do try to be polite and respond in a way that won't hurt her feelings--because that really and truly happens more than I would believe--but then she won't let it drop and then pesters me into a corner basically until I am forced into a reply that is not as nice.  


Anyone deal with this and know how to handle it?  

post #43 of 43

I get along great with my MIL, she is wonderful! We are fairly similar in terms of our senses of humour and are both fairly pragmatic people as well, so even though our interests aren't that similar we get along great.


Proving that so much of this is purely personality, however, my SIL (DH's brother's wife) loathes MIL. She (SIL) bans her (MIL) from seeing the grandkids (once for 6 weeks), she does everything she can to undermine BIL's relationship with his family, and so on and so on. (There is a lot more to this story.) But their relationship started off very badly and now it would require some major work from both of them to even begin to fix it. At the moment, their status quo is uneasy peace broken up by regular bust-ups.

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