My story isn't perfect, like those of a fairy tale. I have 2 kids with My ex husband. I left him because he used me and abused me. He would party all night/wee,k long, never help around the house, never help, barely took care of the kids, etc. All in all, without getting my blood boiling about him, I will just say, it was in my kid's and my interest to end the relationship.
My mom has been caring for my son's since they were born while I work. I have never asked them for help aside that. The biggest reason I feel comfortable with that (aside the obvious pluses) is because my mom does not work, as my parent's own their own company. My sister left for college, so 8-9 hrs a day, 6 days a week, she is home alone. So she loves having them. I never gave them money because on one income I had no "spare" money. It was all bills, but I did supply everything my children needed. Clothes, food, diapers wipes etc.
About 6 months after I finally kicked my ex husband out, after purchasing my own house on my own, my own car, doing it all on my own, I met the most wonderful of man. He is my dream come true, as I am his. He is my perfect lover. Not flawless, but to me, my needs wand wants, he is perfect. As cheesy as it sounds, we fell in love at first sight, and have been inseparable ever since. We feel like our connection is deeper than anyone could imagine. Before I aid those in the first trimester with their morning sickness with my story, let me move on :-)
Over the months our connection got closer and closer. He treats my kids as if they were his own, even though their "father" is in their lives, only when I ask in the rare times that my mom can not (he never calls, sees them, asks about them etc). My kids are 18 months and a little over 3 yrs old. Luckily all of this hasn't affected them much. I try to keep their lives as normal as possible. If anything their lives have gotten better because now there is a father figure who is actually around and teaches them things and spends lots of time with them. Seeing how great of a mother I was to my children, and how deeply in love we are, he started having really strong urges to have a child and get married. I also wanted another child. We sat down and came up with a 5 year plan, which included a wedding and a baby. Around 2013. Well, plans are just that, plans. They didn't quite stick. . It's not bad news for us, it's something we really wanted. I wanted to wait more than my love as he has no kids of his own, so I have a little more of a fix than him. So he is even more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, I am excited too, I just don't quite like when things don't go as planned, but there is always plan B :-)
So after I just bored you with my story... here is my dilemma. Telling my parents. My love and i have only been together for about 6 months. No one understands the type of love that we have. I've been in a good handful of relationships, Longest ones being 5 years and 4 years, so I know what "lust" and "love" is. But with no one else understanding, that is all they will see, the time frame. It has been over a year since I officially ended things with my ex, although it ended long ago. For some that is way too soon. But for some that's a long time. To me, I don't see it as either. I see it as things will happen, when they are meant to happen. I can deal with those not really close to me thinking bad "thoughts" about me because of it, the good always comes with the bad. Those that care about me know how I truly am, how much I care about myself and my children, and know that I will do whatever I need to to make sure that my children have everything they need. So all in all the negative from the acquaintances don't affect me. What affects me the most is my parents...
When my parents found out about baby #2, it was nothing but bad news to them. Even baby #1. Everything I do is a disappointment to them. Does not matter that I am independent from everyone and everything. Doesn't matter how much I have done for my kids and I on my own. Because I didn't get my college degree, get married, waited and then had kids, everything I do is wrong. My dad even looks down on me because I left my kid's father, even though it was the best thing for the 3 of us, yet alone date someone. When I started dating my love, I started to have more spare money, and since them I've been paying my mother to help out. Almost as much as paying for daycare.
I need to tell my parents. I am waiting for the last possible moment, pretty much where I can't hide a growing bump. The shorter time I have between them knowing and me having the baby, the less time I will have to hear the negative comments when I see them (at least, minimum one time a week). Being baby #3, that time is quite short. No matter how I tell them it will be bad news to them. With baby #2 I put the ultrasound at 12 weeks in the xmas card, which practically ruined xmas eve. My dad wouldn't even talk to me. He was ashamed. I don't really have a relationship with them. I moved out when I was 18 because I didn't like being around them and all the negativity. You are too skinny, too fat, i don't like what you wear, pretty much "I don't like you not being me in every way". I don't know how to tell them, as just talking to them is awkward, makes me sick just thinking about it. Then on top of it how to handle the comments after. This is such a joyus occasion for me, I love children, and I would have as many as I could afford comfortably. they love my kids, and will love this one just as much. But being pregnant is hard enough, yet alone dealing with bad comments. I can't change their mind, I can't stop them from thinking negative of me, nothing I can do can make them look at me with proud eyes. I just need advice. Maybe someone here has a similar daughter/parent relationship. I can't just tell them and avoid them unless I need to see them, I see them every day. I can put my kids in daycare, but that would be putting myself, my wants to not listen to the bad comments, over my kids, as they would be taken care of better with my mom. I just don't know. Although everything changes with another baby, I am gladly making sacrifices with a smile, yet this is what brings me down... :-(