Two Sides to Deciding to Homeschool

[Stacey B]

Part of me wants to scream yay from the top of our roof, the sign up day for Kindergarten passed last week so we are official. But then part of me is scared of talking to the grandparents, who just sent a letter saying that if the local school wasn't what we wanted the four of them would be willing to pay for private school. My MIL wrote the letter, and I just know it was after my dad called her to mention what he's picked up from my blog. But rather than even saying the word they dance around it. I feel like I'm coming out not homeschooling. The timing couldn't be any worse my Dad and Step mom are showing up on Wednesday.

The only thing I can come up with is to create a booklet of our ideas and beliefs paired with articles and resources that we are going to use. Hell I'm even going to included a budget statement. Basically I'm about to treat homeschooling like I had to treat the non-profit I used run. I mean he isn't even five and I feel like I have a board of directors to explain everything to.

Not really looking for anything specific, just needed to say this somewhere.

[zebra15]

I know it may not be what you want to hear but... DS is YOUR child right?? so its no ones decision but YOURS and DH.

MY ds is 10 yrs old and I still get the agrument from my parents from time to to time and I've learned to turn a deaf ear to them.

[Stacey B]

Oh I know that, but honestly because of the economy we were dependent for a lot of the past three years. In fact it is only in the past few months that we have stopped borrowing money. The reasoning goes as follows: if DS is in school you could be making more money. Yeah because 3 hours a day means I can go get a job, and that would be way more important than our son's education.

Mainly I hate arguing with my dad he makes me feel 13 all over again so quickly, so yeah there is way more baggage than really needed for what I need to say.

[Lisa1970]

How old are you? I assume if you have a 5 yr old, you are an adult, and you have custody of your child, that you have this legal right. 

IF you are over 18 and living on your own and you have custody and there is nothing questionable in your life, such as, you are a recovering drug addict who just now got custody of your child back, then why are you doing this? Why are you begging and pleading with your mommy and daddy to give you permission to educate your own child? 

Of all the posts I have read through the years from people who have issues with relatives, I have never read one that is so far out there as yours, actually putting together a presentation to convince relatives to allow them to home school. Are you perhaps in Germany or something where it is illegal? I am just not getting it. Is there a piece missing here?

[Lisa1970]

I want to make sure you know I am not trying to attack you. But unless you are living with them, or have lost custody of your child, or are in a place where it is illegal to homeschool, it is just over the top inappropriate for you to allow them in on your life on this.

I would recommend opening a different blog and not telling any relatives about it, especially no one who will get it back to your parents and in-laws. Make your decision and tell your dad it is not up for discussion. If you want, whenever you see a pro-home school article, stuff about crimes, school shootings, failing schools, how should we fix the horrible schools type articles....things about movies about the schools failing, post those to your blog. But do not leave your life up for their judgement. I would never ask my parents if I could home school. I would never give them a presentation. Closest thing I ever came to that was...my mother was telling me one of her fake stories of a fake family she supposedly knows (but I already knew this family did not exist) where the mom died and the kids had to spend months with round the clock tutors to catch them up just so they could return to public school..and I just turned to my mom and said..with wide eyes "oh, that's nothing! I know this family, where BOTH kids go to public school and even though their mother is a teacher there, neither child is anywhere near grade level in reading! Neither child can read really...AND, their math skills....the 8th grader cannot even reduce a simple fraction like 4/6ths!!! It is shocking!!!" and then she looked disgusted and I added in "oh, yeah, you already knew that one since it IS my own sister...your daughter, and your grandchildren." She told me I was being unfair and I told her at least my story was real. That was the end of that because I walked out.

[woodchick]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

How old are you? I assume if you have a 5 yr old, you are an adult, and you have custody of your child, that you have this legal right. 

IF you are over 18 and living on your own and you have custody and there is nothing questionable in your life, such as, you are a recovering drug addict who just now got custody of your child back, then why are you doing this? Why are you begging and pleading with your mommy and daddy to give you permission to educate your own child? 

Of all the posts I have read through the years from people who have issues with relatives, I have never read one that is so far out there as yours, actually putting together a presentation to convince relatives to allow them to home school. Are you perhaps in Germany or something where it is illegal? I am just not getting it. Is there a piece missing here?

I really didn't get this feeling from the OP.  It seems to me that she is just venting and thinking out loud that one way to get the grandparents off her back is to give them some cold hard facts about her (and her dh's ) decision to homeschool.   If she was looking for their permission she would have been doing it before the kindy registration, not after.

It seems similar to those who prepare packets of anti-circ literature for their pro-circ parents or who pass along information about homebirth.
 

[sapphire_chan]

So you aren't deciding whether to homeschool, you're deciding how to tell your parents.

You aren't borrowing money anymore and are in a position to start paying them back?

They get no say. Period. "We've made our decision and are happy with it. How about that local sports team?" "We've got that all figured out, thanks for your concern. How's your hobby doing?"

Now, if you can't pay them back yet, then they have the right to know that you are working on that and to have a general timeframe.

[Stacey B]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

How old are you? I assume if you have a 5 yr old, you are an adult, and you have custody of your child, that you have this legal right. 

IF you are over 18 and living on your own and you have custody and there is nothing questionable in your life, such as, you are a recovering drug addict who just now got custody of your child back, then why are you doing this? Why are you begging and pleading with your mommy and daddy to give you permission to educate your own child? 

Of all the posts I have read through the years from people who have issues with relatives, I have never read one that is so far out there as yours, actually putting together a presentation to convince relatives to allow them to home school. Are you perhaps in Germany or something where it is illegal? I am just not getting it. Is there a piece missing here?

First off my age is no business of anyones, lets just say I am no a young mother. Sorry that you feel that I am being far out but like woodchick said I am doing the same thing we did with no-cir and with homebirth. I come from a very academic family, and rather than cut ties with them I would like them to understand what we are doing, actually I am not ever going to leave my family over this but it will make things easier if they understand where we are coming from.

Originally Posted by woodchick 

I really didn't get this feeling from the OP.  It seems to me that she is just venting and thinking out loud that one way to get the grandparents off her back is to give them some cold hard facts about her (and her dh's ) decision to homeschool.   If she was looking for their permission she would have been doing it before the kindy registration, not after.

It seems similar to those who prepare packets of anti-circ literature for their pro-circ parents or who pass along information about homebirth.
 

Thank you for your understanding.

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by Stacey B 

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

How old are you? I assume if you have a 5 yr old, you are an adult, and you have custody of your child, that you have this legal right. 

IF you are over 18 and living on your own and you have custody and there is nothing questionable in your life, such as, you are a recovering drug addict who just now got custody of your child back, then why are you doing this? Why are you begging and pleading with your mommy and daddy to give you permission to educate your own child? 

Of all the posts I have read through the years from people who have issues with relatives, I have never read one that is so far out there as yours, actually putting together a presentation to convince relatives to allow them to home school. Are you perhaps in Germany or something where it is illegal? I am just not getting it. Is there a piece missing here?

First off my age is no business of anyones, lets just say I am no a young mother. Sorry that you feel that I am being far out but like woodchick said I am doing the same thing we did with no-cir and with homebirth. I come from a very academic family, and rather than cut ties with them I would like them to understand what we are doing, actually I am not ever going to leave my family over this but it will make things easier if they understand where we are coming from.

Wow, you really did not get a thing I said did you? No one suggested you cut ties, but you feel that you must either get their permission for things, or cut ties, and there is no in-between. I don't see how people can help you when you are in this state of mind. It is really sad that you feel your only choices in raising your child involve either getting permission for everything you do, or cutting your family off and having nothing to do with them. That is not a healthy relationship. 

Good luck with everything. 

[sapphire_chan]

If they're academics, make them come up with the studies that show homeschooling is detrimental to children. Don't permit objections based on anything but hard science.

Dad: Homeschoolers are xyz.

You: That's interesting *pull out paper and pencil* can I have the citation for that assertion? I'd love to read that study.

Dad: something about it being what "everyone" knows

You: So it's just an opinion? You don't have any real evidence? Hmm. *change subject*

[greenemami]

It's incredibly frustrating, I know.  We are in the same kind of situation where we are low-income and broke most of the time, so I know everyone thinks we are nuts for homeschooling when we could be spending that time making money-and maybe we are! hah! lol.   My family and I are really close, but right now we seem to be pretending that I will be sending dd to school soon, though everyone knows I plan on homeschooling.  I kind of feel like it is just not worth discussing, so I don't.  I wish I could, because it is very much on my mind right now, especiallly balancing homeschooling and work with everyday stuff and I wish I could vent about it, but the response is just going to be not to homeschool, so I just keep it to myself or discuss with a friend who understands. We havne't brought it up at all to dp's family, who I know will dissapprove.  My parents have said flat out they don't think its a good idea, along with my sisters, but I am lucky in that I know they will be supportive in the end even though they don't agree with me.  Anyway, that is me rambling about my problems to say that I hear you and sympathize with you, but in the end we must do what we think is best for our kids even when it means going up against people we love and respect!

[mattemma04]

That is nice of you to put something together for family on why you are homeschooling.

When I hsed  I said *It is what I decided on for now."

If homeschooling is really what you want to do say it and change the subject.My family currently pays for private school. Every,well often,my kids complain about going to school. I am sick of it. I am reminded by family about how much is being paid for school,so we all  better appreciate it. Kids did like it at first,but I am thinking it is time for a change.

I kind of wish I had never agreed to public school.Once they were *in* no matter what the problems no one wanted to hear me talk about removing them. I finally did,but I was pressured to find another school hence the Montessori.Now again the pressure to keep them in. I am the type who likes to try things out,but will not hesitate to move on.My family thinks you should stick with one place and if need be suffer at school/work because that is just what you do in life!

Best wishes dealing with family. I hope they calm down and let you do your own thing in peace.

[AAK]

Good luck to you!  My suggestions is to make a folder of research supporting homeschooling.  I wouldn't present it, but if I was questioned I would offer it up.  I would say, "here are some interesting articles about homeschooling.  Read them, and then we will talk."  If they actually brought me stuff to read from another perspective, I would read it (not in front of them though since I like to be able to track down citations and think about what was written before I talk about it.)

So far, my family hasn't read anything I've offered.  But, they have slid over to the supportive side of homeschooling--the only evidence they've needed is watching my children thrive.  Of course, they all think it is temporary and "necessary" for "this case" or what not.  But, whatever, they are supportive and I like that it isn't a stressful thing with them now.

Amy

[kittie313]

Whenever family asks me why I homeschool, I hand them a printout of our local ps district's academic report card.  That shuts them up REAL fast     I guess that just tells them that it would be pretty hard for me to do worse than the local ps district when they look at THOSE statistics lol  But I know that if/when we move to a different school district, I'll need to come up with a different reason if we decide we *want* to keep homeschooling.

[Stacey B]

Thanks for all the input. For now I think I am going to write a short pleasant card to my MIL telling her our plans and thank her for the offer. As for own father well he's his own special case and hopefully when it comes up I'll be able to say this is what we are deciding and be able to explain that it really isn't a discussion for the whole family.  He is a person who I regularly have to say "I don't want any unsolicited advice please" constantly. Guess this is part of my education.

[Climbing Rose]

I would just make sure you talk to them with an air of confidence (even if it's a little fake).  What is that saying- Something like "Never Apologize, Never Justify."  Not that you should *never* do those things, just remember it is your life, they raised you, and it's your turn. 

I agree with throwing the ball into their court too, if they want to debate it, like sapphire_chan said. 

It always shocks me that one can pull up any study out there, and show people that academically, HSing is on top, private school is in the middle, and public school is at the bottom.... and they still think parents need to out-school to get their DC an education.  It really blows my mind.  It shows how prejudiced and close-minded some people can be.  (Not saying your family is like this, just people in general.)

I come form a family with some academics too.  One of them stopped talking to me when I didn't enroll DS in preschool at age *three.*

It hurt at the time, but now I honestly can shake my head and laugh at the absurdity of it.

And you know what?  A few years down the road, your family will probably be blown away by what your DS knows, because of you. 

[EarthMamaToBe]

"We'll be homeschooling for the foreseeable future.  Please pass the bean dip"