My son is a princess

[RosemaryS-F]

Usually (REALLY usually) I am fine with his being girl character obsession (tinkerbell, snow white, princess, girl cousins and friends) but sometimes I begin to worry. What about, I'm ashamed to admit, is having a transgender child. I do not actually think that DS is that way, but boy, that really scares me. What does anyone else do with their boy who does girl things?

[RosemaryS-F]

I would like to clarify that I'm not against transgendered people. but that would be a real biggie to explain.

[tzs]

i dunno, i think it's overalanyzing things.

IMO there is no such thing as girl stuff and buy stuff when it comes to little kids. seems like it's just fun toys. i'm also suspicious of the whole labeling thing since it seems to be mainly centered on boys doing "girl' things. i mean, my dd loves trucks and firemen but nobody would bat an eye about her being obsessed with "boy toys." 

right? isn't a girl who enjoys "boy" activities just a tomboy and it's cute but we have to worry about a boy and "girl" things. i grew up hating barbie and strawberry shortcake, crying because my mom wouldn't buy me boys' yoda underwear cause the girls' stuff was "lame," collecting starwars toys and always being the only girl invited to boys' birthday parties. i doubt anybody was worried and i definately don't feel trapped in the wrong body

[motherhendoula]

I do think its too early to know anything - although i cant tell you ive  "BTDT' - i do know that little boys tend to empathize with the people they are around the most - like MOM.  if there are sisters, cousins friends who are all into Princess stuff  - he may just be going along with the flow.  Try not to get ahead of yourself - maybe he'll grow up and work for Pixar!

[colsxjack]

Whether your son is gay, straight, transgendered or not...there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You cannot change him into being not transgendered. The only thing you can do to him is cherish him and make him feel loved and accepted or crush his spirit by making him feel shamed and a freak. It is your choice.

If you love him and cherish his spirit and he turns out to not be transgendered he will grow to be a teen and adult that feels loved and cherished for the individual that he is. If you love and cherish him and he turns out to be gay or transgendered he will grow into a teen and adult that feels loved and cherished for the individual that he is.

If you freak out about it and try to change him he will grow up to be a teen and adult that feels like he must tow a line to be loved and cherished...no matter his gender and sexual orientation.

It is your choice.

I say, the best bet is to treat your kid like the wonderful little individual that he is and love him no matter who he is. Support him in his fantasy's, get him the toys and dress up stuff he wants, celebrate with him. It's a win-win situation.

[crunchy_mommy]

Actually I was just talking to DH about something along these lines last night. I think it's so sad that the message we send to boys is that they need to conform to a certain set of behaviors, likes/dislikes, clothing, etc. to be considered "masculine" and "manly"... I've become really conscious of this over the past couple years since having DS. Something similar happens to girls but it's much easier & socially acceptable overall IMO for a girl to be a 'tomboy'... a boy is ridiculed for liking pink & princesses, for crying & showing emotions, etc. The message I want to send to my DS is that he can do or be whatever he wants to do or be, that he can like whatever he wants to, that he can be his own person, regardless of societal constraints. I do have religious beliefs about certain things related to aspects of this & I will share those with him just as I share all of our morals & values with him, but I do not want him to feel that by carrying around a pink baby doll (or whatever) he is doing anything other than having fun with a toy he loves, you know?

Right now, he is just being a kid!! My little brother (who, incidentally, grew up with 3 older sisters and no brothers...) loved wearing tutus as a toddler. He just thought it was great fun. Now, he's in his 20's, and he is certainly not transgendered or anything, he seems quite at home with himself as a man.

[pranava]

My DS has trucks and baby dolls, a play kitchen and tool set.  His favorite colors are pink and purple and he plays with the dolls and not the trucks.  It is his choice and preference to play with the things considered girly - I don't care a bit.  I want him to grow up a kind and caring human being who is valued no matter his gender or sexuality.  Sometimes I wonder if he will be transgendered or gay, just as I wonder if he will be a mechanic or lawyer - I don't care - we all wonder all kinds of things about our kids.  I think its fine and only natural to worry - not about whether he will be transgendered or gay, but worry about if he is, how you will support him in a world that often condemns these things so he will grow up with his self esteem intact. 

[matthia]

Hey,

not sure if you've seen these before but I thought I'd link them for you.

http://offbeatmama.com/2010/11/my-son-is-gay

http://www.kidsinvictoria.com/index.php?kic_article_action=display&kic_article_id=658

[nextcommercial]

I think we all think/worry/consider that possibility when our kids are young.

A toddler is way too little to have any indication of what he will be like as a preschooler, a grade schooler, or a teenager.  Toddlers just like what they like, they don't have social input, and tinkerbell really is pretty cool.  She's a tough girl in pretty clothes.  I have a little girl crush on her myself.

But, yes.... I worried about my child being gay/transgendered too... I also worried that she'd want to be a cheerleader, or be a mean girl in school, or a follower of mean girls.  I worried that she'd decide not to go to college, I worried that she'd make friends with kids I hate.  I worried that she'd take the car without asking, and drive her friends around.  It's OK to worry about our kids.  We want them to be happy.  We want life to be easy.  We want them to be safe, healthy, smart.   We don't want them to be teased... and lets face it.  If he goes to third grade with Tinkerbell sunglasses, he's going to get teased.   

[Greenlea]

My brother (although he did have 3 older sisters) played with Barbies, wore dresses, got his nails painted, and carried around a baby doll.  On the other hand though, his sisters also played with cars/trucks, played sports, played in the mud, play fought, etc.  I think at such a young age boys and girls dont see the boundaries that adults see as far as gender specific ways to play.  I think your son will be okay.

[physmom]

I think at the toddler stage you really don't have anything to worry about.  I do have a close family member who is a lesbian and there were absolutely NO signs whatsoever like that at a young age (actually, she was extremely girly).  I was a tom boy in many ways and ended up very happy with my gender and straight so I don't think it's anything like that.  FWIW, DD will pretend to be a boy sometimes too but I figure she's just trying to understand the world from DH's perspective.  She also loves "boy toys" (especially trains).  I think it's completely normal at this age because they just haven't gotten a lot of societal pressure to act one way or another, which is probably a good thing. I have to admit that I've gotten really upset in the past when people have tried to tell her not to play with whatever toy because it was a "boy toy".

Also, like PP's said, it's not like you can do anything to change him. Just love him and let him be who he his because that's what he really needs in the end.

[pranava]

I read a study once on how the culture of encouraging boys to be what we think of as a "boy" changes their ability to express themselves and handle emotions.  Can't remember exactly what it was - maybe someone else knows? 

It was a study of infants and how emotionally they responded to their mothers.  Boys were more emotional than girls as infants, yet by age 6 or 8 boys were less likely to communicate and less likely to express their emotions. 

[RosemaryS-F]

Thanks everyone. I forgot to say what made me concerned about it was the time he said when he was done being a boy he would be a girl...I really don't think this is his issue, but I do think about it. Late at night, mostly!

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by colsxjack 

Whether your son is gay, straight, transgendered or not...there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You cannot change him into being not transgendered. The only thing you can do to him is cherish him and make him feel loved and accepted or crush his spirit by making him feel shamed and a freak. It is your choice.

If you love him and cherish his spirit and he turns out to not be transgendered he will grow to be a teen and adult that feels loved and cherished for the individual that he is. If you love and cherish him and he turns out to be gay or transgendered he will grow into a teen and adult that feels loved and cherished for the individual that he is.

If you freak out about it and try to change him he will grow up to be a teen and adult that feels like he must tow a line to be loved and cherished...no matter his gender and sexual orientation.

It is your choice.

I say, the best bet is to treat your kid like the wonderful little individual that he is and love him no matter who he is. Support him in his fantasy's, get him the toys and dress up stuff he wants, celebrate with him. It's a win-win situation.

Very well said.

There *is* nothing to worry about because there is nothing *wrong* with your child. Just love him and he'll figure it out along the way with your support :) As quoted above, there is really nothing you can do about it either way!

[tzs]

Originally Posted by RosemaryS-F 

Thanks everyone. I forgot to say what made me concerned about it was the time he said when he was done being a boy he would be a girl...I really don't think this is his issue, but I do think about it. Late at night, mostly!

eh....i used to want to be a boy all the time as a kid. i just thought the stuff was more fun and brownies had nothing on boys scouts. i think the notion might have even popped back in my head once i got my period at age 9. no way i'd choose it now though.

[RosemaryS-F]

Thank you. I wasn't implying that I was trying to change him, just expressing myself here!

[ScottyG]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Actually I was just talking to DH about something along these lines last night. I think it's so sad that the message we send to boys is that they need to conform to a certain set of behaviors, likes/dislikes, clothing, etc. to be considered "masculine" and "manly"... I've become really conscious of this over the past couple years since having DS.

And not just for kids either.  I get this a lot as an adult, and it's one of my least favorite things about our current set of gender stereotypes.  I'm not a big fan of beef, therefore I'm not masculine.  I carry my stuff in a little bag instead of in my pockets, therefore I'm not masculine.  I have a pink shirt my wife bought me that I love, therefore I'm not masculine.  I'm short.  I don't care about football.  And on and on.  So infuriating.  I try as much as possible to avoid that kind of thing with my kids.

[brennan]

Originally Posted by pranava 

I read a study once on how the culture of encouraging boys to be what we think of as a "boy" changes their ability to express themselves and handle emotions.  Can't remember exactly what it was - maybe someone else knows? 

It was a study of infants and how emotionally they responded to their mothers.  Boys were more emotional than girls as infants, yet by age 6 or 8 boys were less likely to communicate and less likely to express their emotions. 

This was in a back issue of mothering magazine lol

I can't look at my back issues online so I don't know which one it is, but it was about the son's favorite color pink

[MusicianDad]

We do girl things together!

That`s how I deal with it. And we have a blast too. Especially when DD gets involved. I figure it's not long before DS starts asking to get his nails done with DD and I when we go in for mani/pedis