Tantrums vs. sleep

[shnitzel]

DD either naps and then refuses to sleep at night her bedtime goes from 7 to 10 or tantrums from 2 pm until bedtime but falls asleep easily. Today we had a meltdown because her melon broke in half. Nap time when it happens has moved from 12 or 1 to after 2 o'clock. I have no idea what to do with her. Her tantrums are terrible and I have to work so hard to remain calm and not meltdown into my own temper tantrum.

Help!! I really need a break and that one hour nap doesn't cut it because I lose my night when she doesn't go to bed until 10. I'm a much better mommy when I feel like I have some downtime. 

[MrsBone]

so when she doesn't nap, she falls asleep easily but tantrums until then? My son is the opposite. He'll tantrum, but then fight sleep bad! It will take much longer for him to go to sleep without a nap than with one. Does she nurse to sleep? It may just be a matter of watching her and keeping an eye on her sleep cues. I finally figured out after 2 years how to read my DS sleep cues. I finally realized that he needs to go to bed by 9:30 and take a nap. I tried to give up his naps a few months ago in hope he'd go to bed earlier, but it just did NOT work. So, he awakes at 7:30, naps by 1:30, sleeps for 2 hours then is in bed by 9:30. I think it just took me so long because I didn't wean him until he was 21 months and he was sort a go with the flow kiddo. He adjusted to a late bed time every now and then because he'd simply nurse to sleep. I thought weaning would help him be more independent with his sleep, but nope, I had to help him get there. It took a few months, but he's much better now. If she does better going to bed later with a nap in the afternoon, I'd just try and embrace it. I know how it feels to want some alone time at night, and I do get a little, but not as much as I'd like. If she's happier with a nap and a later bedtime, just go with it. Because soon, that will probably change!

[MrsBone]

oh also, when she falls asleep at 10, how late does she sleep in the morning? At that age, DS was sleeping about 11 hours at night, and a 2 hour nap. I know every kid is different, but that seems like about the average sleep amount for a baby at that age. If she's that tantrumy, it might be more than just her age, it might be that she needs more sleep. once I figured out that DS needed a nap again, he started sleeping more at night, not less. It's weird! However, she is 20 months, right? Because between 18-24 months is apparently the roughest time for terrible twos! When she does throw a tantrum, what do you do? Do you have any limits, warnings, etc? I had a hard time with this at this age, because I always had an excuse as to why he was acting the way he was, tired, hungry, teething? Tummy ache? there was always a possible cause, so I figured discipline for such behavior would just be mean, but then I realized, that we all go through periods of our life where we aren't 100% comfortable all the time, and this is the age of learning limits, boundries and learning to calm yourself. It's a learned behavior! This too shall pass, mama!

[shnitzel]

After the tantrums she seems relieved to fall asleep. Her cues seem to say that she wants to nap at around 2 and go to sleep around 9:30 - 10:00 but it really affects my parenting b/c I find myself getting very frustrated with her when she won't go to sleep. We start trying at around 8 and try about every 30 min but I have stopped lying down with her for more than 10 min b/c I get frustrated and it turns into a battle zone. If she can't fall asleep I let her play and then try again. Rinse and repeat. She doesn't wake up until around 9:30 am regardless of when she falls asleep which is probably why she isn't tired until later but I am night owl and it is hard for me to wake up in the morning.

I do nurse to sleep and we still cosleep once I get to bed but that doesn't bother me at all. She also still wakes up at night before I go to sleep and needs to be nursed back to sleep. Again not something I find really upsetting once I am in bed with her she's out until morning. 

Today was awesome. It was my first day back in school (only there once a week) and I am sharing a nanny with a friend of mine and she was so excited to play at his house and took a 20 min nap in her stroller on her way home and fell asleep easily at around 8:30 which really worked perfectly. If only every day was so simple. We are trying to find balance. No tantrums today.

I mostly try to comfort her during her tantrums because she seems to be in such distress. "You are so frustrated because your piece of melon broke in half" or "You are sad b/c you can't take your boots off in the laundromat" "you are mad because your shirt can't be worn as pants" (all or which are examples from yesterday). Nursing seems to work best and automatically calm her down even though we rarely nurse during the day anymore. 

[LadyCatherine185]

my ds is the same way with nap/bedtime (minus the tantrums). if he naps, he is up until 10. if not, he goes to bed easily at 7. however, he is up at 6 am bright and early no matter when he goes to bed.

it sounds like your DD is telling you she still needs to nap, and that she isn't ready for bed until 10 pm. i think you need to go with that, and adjust your own sleep habits. you can't expect her to go to bed earlier and still sleep in and take a nap.

you could try waking her up earlier in the morning, putting her down for an earlier nap, and then early bedtime.

[nickysan]

We have just come through a very similar problem with my 27month old, we had about 3 months of awful tantrums, exhausted throughout the day from 2pm but mostly refusing to nap, if she did nap it would be late and she wouldn't go to bed untill after 10, up 9.30ish in the morning and. It took me ages to realize that sleep was the problem and even longer to fix it. What has worked for us is quite simple really, getting her up early in the morning, it was hard for me because I was staying up till 1 and 2 am to get a bit of space after she went to sleep so I really wasn't up for getting up early and as a family we have been very go with the flow, not into forcing routines etc, but I realised that I had to try something and I have really forced myself and it has worked an absolute treat. It was hard for her for the first day or two but very quickly it became a routine, I find that for it all to go smoothly, she has to be up before 7am, so we do 6.45am up, she then naps very easily for an hour and a half at around 1pm, then she's desperate for bed around 7 to 7.30. Tantrums have diminished massively, she really is a different child, much much happier. It seems that even though she is having a similar amount of sleep, just shifting it all forward by a few hours makes an unbelievable difference. Good luck